Boyfriend cheated with this ex, what do i do?

[SarahTaylor46]

Hi everyone, I am new to the site.

 

I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of 3.5 yrs now (friend for 7). We live about 1.5 hrs away so not a big deal and see each other on the wknds but still, we use to live together.

 

So his ex who he dated over 8 yrs ago and who broke up with him moved back to the town we use to live in (which I moved out of for school). She has been around for over a yr and a half and I just had a bad feeling, but nothing ever happened. He insisted he was over it (I knew the break up was hard for him) and we had a really great relationship. The last few months I must say though I didn't feel the commitment from him I felt before but it was subtle.

 

So this past wknd our schedules made it so we couldn't see each other. His ex has recently befriended a person who is in our circle of friends and has been around on wknds. We have met and have been nice and actually talked a lot in the last few months. I am almost positive they never talked beyond running into each other when they were out.

 

Long story short this past weekend she was out with all of them, they were having a conversation when the bar was closing and she invitied him back to her place to keep talking (mind you it's 2am) and he said yes and they ended up talking all night and kissing. Both insist nothing more happened but in my opinion after we went nothing else mattered really, the point is he should not have went to her place, AT ALL.

 

He came to see me to talk about it (he hide it and made up some very stupid story but I started to put the pieced together and eventually he fessed up). He was crying so hard he could barely talk and was saying he had no intention of ruining our relationship (just wks ago we were talking about moving to a new state together).

 

I don't know what to do. We are broken up but he says he will try to win my trust back and that really comforts me. For so long he has been my best friend and the thought of not talking to him is soooo hard.

 

He says he has no feelings for her he was just enjoying the conversation. But I think if he was really commited to me he wouldn't be interested in talking to her...

[Sparkling]

If you hadn't been following your intuition and confronted him he would never have confessed and you still would not know the truth. He would have kept his little secret hidden from you and what else might have that led to? He lied to you. You basically had to force him into telling you the truth. He lies when he says he has no feelings for her and he was just enjoying the conversation. He KISSED his ex and she kissed him back all night long, and now he insults your intelligence by saying it has nothing to do with feelings for her and nothing more happened. Kissing someone all night long is something, not a nothing. I can assure you that much kissing didn't make him feel "nothing more." You sensed he was distancing himself from you and now you know the reason why. Reach out to other guys and make new friends. There are a whole lot of amazing men in the world so find someone new to talk to.

[hoping2heal]

Hi everyone, I am new to the site.

 

I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of 3.5 yrs now (friend for 7). We live about 1.5 hrs away so not a big deal and see each other on the wknds but still, we use to live together.

 

So his ex who he dated over 8 yrs ago and who broke up with him moved back to the town we use to live in (which I moved out of for school). She has been around for over a yr and a half and I just had a bad feeling, but nothing ever happened. He insisted he was over it (I knew the break up was hard for him) and we had a really great relationship. The last few months I must say though I didn't feel the commitment from him I felt before but it was subtle.

 

So this past wknd our schedules made it so we couldn't see each other. His ex has recently befriended a person who is in our circle of friends and has been around on wknds. We have met and have been nice and actually talked a lot in the last few months. I am almost positive they never talked beyond running into each other when they were out.

 

Long story short this past weekend she was out with all of them, they were having a conversation when the bar was closing and she invitied him back to her place to keep talking (mind you it's 2am) and he said yes and they ended up talking all night and kissing. Both insist nothing more happened but in my opinion after we went nothing else mattered really, the point is he should not have went to her place, AT ALL.

 

He came to see me to talk about it (he hide it and made up some very stupid story but I started to put the pieced together and eventually he fessed up). He was crying so hard he could barely talk and was saying he had no intention of ruining our relationship (just wks ago we were talking about moving to a new state together).

 

I don't know what to do. We are broken up but he says he will try to win my trust back and that really comforts me. For so long he has been my best friend and the thought of not talking to him is soooo hard.

 

He says he has no feelings for her he was just enjoying the conversation. But I think if he was really commited to me he wouldn't be interested in talking to her...

 

I think you had it spot on when you said he should of never gone to her place AT ALL. I am in whole hearted agreement on that note. As important as it is to not be doing something wrong, it's just as important you don't ever put yourself in a situation that LOOKS like you are doing something wrong.

 

Boy, I would HOPE he has feelings for her. That is to say, gee you know I hope this guy wouldn't sacrifice your 3.5 year relationship for someone he doesn't even have feelings for! Don't get me wrong, that's hardly to say - well as long as he has feelings what he did was okay. It isn't and it isn't justifiable..just saying does he not know he makes himself sound WORSE? "Honey I just threw away our relationship and broke your trust for someone who means nothing to me, fa-la-la!"

 

Anyhow, I think if he didn't have feelings for her he wouldn't of gone there to begin with. This guy isn't comitted to you, sure maybe he cares for you, I imagine he's used to and comfortable with you, but if he really cared about you, he wouldn't be out there in the world cheating on you.

 

I'm sure some people are going to chime in and argue it's possible to love someone and cheat on them, but I say nonsense. It's possible to care about someone and cheat on them, sure. To have feelings, but if you really love someone- you don't want to devestate them.