Iwonder Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 I waited until I was 21 to have sex. I was taught that making love should be something special and that it's best to wait until you love someone and are old enough to really know your own feelings. I was also fairly into church at the time. So I waited and when I met someone and fell in love and it all seemed right, then I decided it was time to have sex. Now, I did fool around and have boyfriends before that, but didn't go all the way. I have always felt proud of my decision and have a great sex life now. Yet, lately, when I hear of how young people are when they lose their virginity and how the teen years are fun and experimental, I sometimes feel insecure, and wonder, if I missed out on something. My bf also had sex quite young and describes it as being a great experience for him. I used to also be quite judgemental, but I'm not anymore, because I realise that's only my own insecurity talking. I know, what's right for one, isn't right for another etc. I think I just need some reassurance here, and a bit of a nudge from you guys, to remind me, that my decisions were ok for me, and some insight into how I can stop comparing my life to others, and therefore developing the "did I miss out" mentality. I know we are all different. I mean, I was a happy child/teenager, and I excelled academically and in my sports and so on and had good friends. I just wasn't sexually active and had fairly strict morals and ethics (they are a bit loser now...but still probably stricter than some!). I think I know the answers here...I just want to hear them from someone else! Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 Well, you missed out on teenage sex. My memories of it are that it really was unsatisfying. The boys are awkward and unskilled, birth control is a constant embarassment and logistical nightmare, and you just can't let yourself go when you're a self-conscious teenager wondering when your parents will be coming home or if the love of your life will be spreading the story all over school the next day. Oh, and the pregnancy scares when you're 15 feel a lot like stepping into an elevator shaft with no car at your floor. When you're 21+, most of these issues will be greatly alleviated. Link to post Share on other sites
Duke Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 Doesn't matter how old you were when you first had sex. Everyones different and if it felt right to you to wait then it was the right decision. I'm 35 and still haven't had sex but my mom tells me thats ok. Link to post Share on other sites
lostforwords Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 rofl Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iwonder Posted December 17, 2003 Author Share Posted December 17, 2003 Ha! Duke you make me laugh. I think some of the insecurities started when my bf told me (after I asked him) that his first, at age 15, did have an orgasm, and that things were good for them. I guess I always thought teenage sex was probably not that great and was surprised to hear of his experiences. I was in my mid-twenties before I had an orgasm. Maybe that's because I think too much! Thanks for the reassurance. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 Iwonder, Well, I totally support your decision to WAIT. All you missed out of is some 2 Minute Wonder in the backseat of some guy borrowing his Mom's station wagon!!! LOL! I'm just kidding. I actually waited till I was married the first time. It was a decision which was important to me. I think each person knows when it's right for them.....and a whole bunch engage in it....LONG before they are ready. It's NOT supposed to be an entertaining sport....it's supposed to be something special between two people. I applaud you!!! Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 It's time to have sex when you're both ready for it. Don't assume that just because you lose your virginity before marriage that you are somehow "loosening" your morality. The ethics of sex are more complex than what Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell would have you believe, and they are personal. If you believe that it's best to save yourself for one person in life, then that's fine - that's something you and your partner have to agree to and it's nobody else's business but yours and your partners. Personally, I waited until after I left high school.....okay, the truth is, I couldn't get laid back then. Afterward, I had my experiences like everyone eventually does, and just like everyone else I had absolutely no idea what the f&ck I was doing until I got some practice in. I just remember apologizing alot (for being so bad at it) . It eventually dawned on me that despite the fact that I've had several one-nighters (I can count them on one hand), I prefer sex with someone I've grown close to as a person. Doesn't mean I'm going to marry them, but it means that they mean something to me in some way, and it's a way for us to see express our mutual admiration. I think that the most important thing in a sexual relationship with someone is that you are straight up honest with them. The other person has to know what sex means to you, and you should have an idea of what it means to the other person, too. If your ideas of sex aren't the same; if one of you believes that sex means marriage vows six months from now while it means nothing but 30 minutes of fun for the other, then you shouldn't be having sex. People can get hurt otherwise, and that's what you want to avoid. First and always, do no harm. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 I'm still upset because I didn't have my first banana split until I was 14. So many little kids are having them these days and it pisses me off. Now I'm of the age that even one will put three pounds on me. What's sex anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 HAHAHA Tony and Duke.... It sounds like YOU Bad Boys need a refresher course....... Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 One of the things about waiting for sex that bothers me is that once it's had, after a while, what if the thought of, "Hmm, what else is out there?" pops into the person's head? Then what? Cheat? Dump the person you're with to experience others? It's not unheard of. Link to post Share on other sites
May Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 Some believe the earlier you start sex, the earlier you have your menopause. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 I'm 35 and still haven't had sex but my mom tells me thats ok duke, yer so bad, I still haven't stopped laughing at that one ... of course, because I'm hoarse, it sounds more like a high-pitched whinny ... I was 20 when I lost my virginity, because I was adamant that I wasn't going to be one of those teenage girls who fumbled around in the backseat of a car with a classmate. Nope, I wanted an older, experienced man who was nowhere near from my hometown, and that's what I got. It still took place in the backseat of a car, because like Duke, he was living with his mama at the time, but that's okay. He was VERY insistent about using a condom throughout our whole time together, so I didn't have to worry about a crisis pregnancy. I also think that had I experimented with sex at an earlier age, I just wouldn't have been emotionally ready to deal with everything that came with it. I'm glad I waited ... Link to post Share on other sites
cdn Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 I'm not sure it's especially relevant or helpful to spend a lot of time wondering if you made the right decision because this is a decision that can't be unmade. Please understand that I am saying this gently, not as a chastisement. You can't go back and re-do your teen years so you are left with two choices now: Stay with your boyfriend and enjoy him and your great sex life now OR break up with your bf and engage in some of the experimentation you missed in your teens. Personally, I don't see what you could have missed. Parts is parts. What makes one partner different from another is more about what you are feeling (love, excitement, awe, conquest, fear, etc.) and less about the physical attributes the other person possesses. Sexual technique is not inborn but something that can be learned. In fact, the best sex is sex that adjusts to the desires and moods of the participants. It's not something that is learned once and practiced that way forever. In other words: there's no reason that you can't experience all the sexual experimentation you missed as a teen with your bf now. Chances are it'll be a lot more fun :-) Link to post Share on other sites
lostforwords Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 First time I had sex I was 16....... i married my highschool sweetheart so i was "inexperienced" as I always assumed a woman orgasmed during sex no matter what.... first time I had an orgasm I was 24........ and when it happened... i was like.... OMG WTF THAT!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Caddy Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 Originally posted by lostforwords First time I had sex I was 16....... i married my highschool sweetheart so i was "inexperienced" as I always assumed a woman orgasmed during sex no matter what.... first time I had an orgasm I was 24........ and when it happened... i was like.... OMG WTF THAT!!!!!!!!! LMAO - You HO! Just kidding. So was the first Big O with the ex-husband then? Did he finally learn some new tricks? LOL Mine was at 19. And yes, the earth moved. But that could have been an earthquake. Link to post Share on other sites
CostumeSmile Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 I don't regret loosing my virginity at a young age b/c I was in love (puppy that is, the best kind) and a lot came out of it, I stayed w/ him (my daughters father) for a total of 5yrs and am glad that I learned and experienced everything w/ only him. I was really comfortable with him. At first I admit it was crazy, we where so inexperienced but in the end we learned everything together. Sex at a younger age has it's disadvantages and advantages, I don't regret it b/c I remember that back then with no responsibilities to worry about my mind was free to enjoy every minute of all of it. However the only thing that sometimes sucks is that by now there isn't much I haven't tried. When your w/ one person for a long time, specially when your young and crazy, you tend to have done it all. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to lie when asked "have you done this before".....LOL aaahhh those little white lies. Why do men do it to themselves....LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iwonder Posted December 17, 2003 Author Share Posted December 17, 2003 Well thanks everyone for all the replies! To be honest, I have had a couple of flings, I think to experiment...and have discovered I much prefer sex in a loving longterm relationship, like the one I have. And yes, we are experimenting and having lots of fun....and my bf tells me this is the best and most adventurous sex life he's ever had! He is also proud of my ethics, and is very ethical himself. So I guess, I should put my insecurities to bed (no pun intended) I also think I would not have been emotionally ready as a teen...I was somewhat innocent and a late bloomer! Thanks for putting it in perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
lostforwords Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 So was the first Big O with the ex-husband then? Did he finally learn some new tricks? LOL Mine was at 19. And yes, the earth moved. But that could have been an earthquake. Ex hubby ofcourse...... and yeh afterthat we were like RABBITS!!!! rofl Link to post Share on other sites
Caddy Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 Originally posted by lostforwords Ex hubby ofcourse...... and yeh afterthat we were like RABBITS!!!! rofl LOLOLOLOL!!! Yeah I can imagine a bunch of little geri's running around your house now!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
lostforwords Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 lmao actually i have 2...... Link to post Share on other sites
pinkroses Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 I was 25 and married before I ever had sex. I had a lot of ethics and morals too growing up, and pretty much never even dated until I was in my 20's. Over the years I've regretted my decision to wait, because my (now ex) husband made the experience so horrible for me. I would have rather lost my virginity to someone who was exciting and forbidden and all that teen type of stuff, and if it still turned out horrible, it would have been more expected. Yet on the other hand I don't think I was ready before then, so it was probably best. As far as missing out, the only thing you really missed out on was a broken heart, an unplanned pregnancy or an STD. Be glad you waited. You have plenty of years left to explore your sexuality as a more mature person, with more mature and skilled partner(s). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iwonder Posted December 18, 2003 Author Share Posted December 18, 2003 Thanks pinkroses. My first time wasn't too exciting or "forbidden", but it was loving and sweet, and I am glad about that. And you are right, so many more years to keep exploring! Link to post Share on other sites
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