Am I being impossible?

[Mandarine Girl]

Been in a serious LDR for 3 years now. We’re both from Country A but he resides in Country B. Now he’s decided to come back permanently. Instead of being elated about it, I find myself feeling apprehensive instead. Why is this so??

 

This year’s been quite tough on our r/ship. Last year I went to live with him in Country B for half a year to give things a shot. I came back to our home country and started work. Shortly after, he came back for a few months. Things were great and then he left again.

 

We didn’t see each other for six months after that, although we kept in touch on a daily basis. That period took a lot out of me – emotionally and mentally. We only saw each other again because I flew over there to surprise him for his birthday. It was a great 2 weeks that rejuvenated our relationship.

 

About a month after that trip, he came back Country A. And now he’s decided to come back for good. He’s already booked his ticket to go back to Country B to sell his car and close his company. He’s not coming back for me per se, more so because his family is here and he feels that he’s got nothing over there anymore.

 

Part of me is having a difficult time accepting that he’s really coming back. He’s said it many times in passing during the last 3 years. I should have more faith in him but I’ve given all of it away. I’ve also grown weary of his indecisions – first he asked me “what about you coming over to Country B?” and then two weeks later, “I want to come back for good.”

 

I feel like I don’t have any more patience or understanding to give him. Also he wanted to go back to Country B next week so that he can come back to Country A in time for a wedding in late January - meaning we’d spend NYE apart. This might sound stupid and childish, but I can’t handle spending yet another big occasion apart. I just feel like it’s the straw that’s gonna break my back.

 

Yesterday I expressed how extremely unhappy I’ve been, and he said he’ll change his flight to after NYD. Again, instead of being happy, I went on about how I don’t want to be the bad guy who’s making things difficult, making him waste his time here when he can start packing over there.

Please bear with me if I don’t make sense. I feel like my life is in a mess with job hunting, friends are all doing their own things, and I need support but instead I feel abandoned and neglected.

 

I know support is a two-way thing…and I’ve always been supportive all throughout the years. I just feel so…empty and drained. I don’t intend to dampen his spirits but I wind up doing so by listening to his plans with a half-open heart. Yet I can’t seem to shake it off.

 

Am I afraid of change, therefore I’m resisting it? Am I so accustomed to being on my own and yearning for someone so far away, that I’m holding onto being in that ‘comfort’ zone?

 

Sigh…I’ve been so distraught and unsettled everyday for months now. Looking for a new job as well is just adding to my feelings of isolation. I’m not a victim and I don’t want to continue being or sounding like one. Hope someone here can give me words of wisdom…thanks.

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3 years? I may be naive, but I would think in 3 years you would know if you truly wanted to spend the rest of your life with this person. You have a lot of gripes, and while I'm not saying they aren't warranted, you really didn't mention his good points (we don't really need to know). What I do know, just by reading your post, is you are looking for a way out. Maybe you just don't feel the love, or maybe just don't care anymore, but keep in mind, it seems like this man is taking you into consideration in making all of his decisions. Whether he seems indecisive or not, you are still a factor in his decision.

 

Now here's something you have to think about. You are in charge of your own happiness. No one can, or should make you happy. Right now you seem very unhappy, and truth be told, unless you actually figure what is causing this unhappiness, you'll only find excuses. It's not fair to you, and definitely not fair to him. My EX, was almost exactly like you, no matter who or what I did, she always found excuses not to be happy. For example, one day I decided to do the grocery shopping for us (she was too lazy to go), and while I didn't expect a "Thank you!", I certainly didn't expect to be berated for buying the wrong cat food.

 

So do yourself a favor, and find out what you REALLY, REALLY, want in this relationship out of this man. I you are just comfortable with having a LDR, let him know, and let him decide if that's the path HE wants to take. Hey, some people like the idea of being "independent", and having a "relationship" even though it's a 1000 miles away. Hell, while most normal relationships nowadays have a slim chance of surviving, LDRs, a lot worse odds. Be honest to your man, and tell him how you really feel. If your not happy, he's not going to be happy, and you both deserve to be.

[carvidep]

can't he take you to the wedding? It's in Country A right? And you're his gf. is he allowed to take a date?