Am I really being played?

[electricvanilla]

I have been seeing this guy for about 6 months now. He is really great and all but I always get the feeling that he is not being honest with me. It’s not like we are officially dating or anything…no boundaries have ever been set…but still he makes it seem as if he is only seeing/ talking to me. I’m 22 he’s 21

 

We have only kissed once before…recently he texted me that he wants to kiss me…but then when the time comes he doesn’t and later sends me texts saying that I make him nervous.

 

I was hanging out with some friends yesterday and when they found out that I talk to him they basically said that he is a player and to stay away. One of them was a ‘victim’ a few years ago. They even said to prove it I should follow him around for a day…(I won’t do that bc I think that's kinda stocker.ish)

 

& the fact that he goes days without calling or texting is another indication, according to my friends.

 

He always talks about abstinence around me…saying ‘good things come to those who wait’ he knows Im a virgin/nvr been in a relationship….according to my friend he is totally opposite from that...and they died of laughter bc of his good things/those who wait statement. He says hanging with me makes him feel pure…so maybe that’s why?

 

I don’t get it! I always try to talk I guess provocatively or whatever to him when flirting but he always chickens out/doesn’t take the bait. I feel like he is just about words and not acting upon them.

 

He came over to my house the other day to help me put up Christmas lights and decorate. He’s met my family before, bought me roses, taken me sky diving…lots of adventures. If he is really playing me is this why he is ‘nervous’ to kiss me/act close to me? Like really I don’t know what he wants from me if that’s the case because we don’t do anything really…just hang out and him telling me all these great things about myself.

 

So does this also mean all the messages he sends/writes to me are fake and have no feeling behind them?

 

How do I confront him about this? Should I just cut off all communication and disappear?

 

Thanks for any advice~

Edited December 7, 2009 by electricvanilla

[Yukikazi]

Well not taking your friends into account.. I;'d say really shy...

 

But if your friends are truthful.. Dunno.. if he is playing a game.. its a different one..

If he is a horndog and you've been dressing to turn him on yet he isn't pulling the trigger.. either he really is nervous and you are messing up his game.. or he is playing a game I don't recognize..

[alphamale]

this is an odd situation

[harmfulsweetz]

Your friends may be right, they may be wrong. How do YOU feel when you are with him? Do you feel that he is dishonest, or a player? I was played once, and all of my friends told me I would be, but the thing was, his game was easy to read. I knew it, I just didn't want to see it.

 

Maybe he really likes you. Maybe he has played the field in the past, and is desperate to know you. I don't know, but it certainly sounds like a different game than any I've seen played. Your friends could be wrong. You have to judge him by his actions now, and his actions towards you, not his past actions, or what your friends think. But remember, friends generally only say things because they care, but that is generally. Maybe your friend who claims to be a victim of his, is jealous?

[electricvanilla]

He sent me a text today saying that...he wants to keep me a secret because he wants me all to himself.

 

I think thats kinda weird? This resulted bc one of his friends was hitting on me. But to me wouldnt it make sense if we were 'known' so then people wouldn't be as inclined to hit on me...bc they KNOW we r dating?

[norajane]

Keeping you secret? There's your warning sign. There is no legitimate and honorable reason to keep you a secret. None. It usually means he's keeping you a secret from someone, like someone else he's seeing.

 

Ask him if he's seeing anyone else. There's no reason why you can't or shouldn't ask him that.

 

And ask him again why he wants to keep you secret. And when he says he wants to keep you all to himself, call him out on that and tell him that makes absolutely no sense. That it sounds to you like he's trying to keep you a secret because he's seeing someone else. There's no reason you can't be honest about your concerns.

 

In fact, ask him when he's over at your house with your family there. Maybe he can explain it to your father so it makes sense why he's keeping you a secret.

[Yukikazi]

Keeping you secret? There's your warning sign. There is no legitimate and honorable reason to keep you a secret. None. It usually means he's keeping you a secret from someone, like someone else he's seeing.

 

Ask him if he's seeing anyone else. There's no reason why you can't or shouldn't ask him that.

 

And ask him again why he wants to keep you secret. And when he says he wants to keep you all to himself, call him out on that and tell him that makes absolutely no sense. That it sounds to you like he's trying to keep you a secret because he's seeing someone else. There's no reason you can't be honest about your concerns.

 

In fact, ask him when he's over at your house with your family there. Maybe he can explain it to your father so it makes sense why he's keeping you a secret.

 

You do realize this is also a common thing to say to build rapport with someone. Depends on if he is actually serious or not. If he is serious then yea its a flag.. but if he is just oking around.. its a rapport building thing so they have a "secret" between them.. adds mystery...

 

Depends on the context really.. could go either way imo

[norajane]

Joking? All she has to do is ask what he meant and why. No harm in asking and sharing her concerns with him.

[electricvanilla]

Joking? All she has to do is ask what he meant and why. No harm in asking and sharing her concerns with him.

 

 

He wasn't speaking in a joking matter....

 

I asked him what he meant and he said that I am too good to share with others and he wants me all to him. So I said keeping me a secret makes no sense then. Then he responds...What do you suggest then?

I said it's you move player...haha...

& he responds you get hit on daily and you do a good job of keeping guys at bay.

 

To me this means....since I get hit on all the time and Im used to it....I shouldn't mind being kept a secret. idk.

 

I guess I have my answer to where this is going.

[harmfulsweetz]

He wasn't speaking in a joking matter....

 

I asked him what he meant and he said that I am too good to share with others and he wants me all to him. So I said keeping me a secret makes no sense then. Then he responds...What do you suggest then?

I said it's you move player...haha...

& he responds you get hit on daily and you do a good job of keeping guys at bay.

 

To me this means....since I get hit on all the time and Im used to it....I shouldn't mind being kept a secret. idk.

 

I guess I have my answer to where this is going.

 

Run for the hills. I retract my previous statements. He is playing you. My player friend did this, and trust me, it's not so he can have you all to himself. It's so he can have a whole bunch of other girls too. He started off playing an unusual game, but now he's playing the dumb old same old same old game, I've had done and witnessed done. If he wants to be with you, he'd wanna make it known to stop men hitting on you and because he's proud of you. I would only understand keeping it a secret that you were his gf, if you worked together and there was a policy against intra office dating, but even so, he should make it clear he has a gf. Sounds like he wants to play the field.

[Dark_of_the_Moon]

Run fast and far, he IS playing you. I have seen this behavior before. Really, I have seen this before, run now before you get played more and hurt.

[norajane]

He wasn't speaking in a joking matter....

 

I asked him what he meant and he said that I am too good to share with others and he wants me all to him. So I said keeping me a secret makes no sense then. Then he responds...What do you suggest then?

I said it's you move player...haha...

& he responds you get hit on daily and you do a good job of keeping guys at bay.

 

To me this means....since I get hit on all the time and Im used to it....I shouldn't mind being kept a secret. idk.

 

I guess I have my answer to where this is going.

 

Yes, you do have your answer. I'd run far and fast from this guy. He's given you all you need to know about his intentions, and they aren't good.

[ADF]

There is no question you're being played. Get away from this man, and be grateful you have such loyal friends.

[freestyle]

He sounds to me like one of these types who likes to "collect" admirerers....

 

it's a huge ego boost for men and/or women like that to know they have multiple 'irons in the fire'.

 

His wanting to keep you a secret tells me that you're on one of his burners, but it's in the back. He's grooming you to 'wait in the wings' until it suits his needs to bring you forward. He's not showing any concern for your feelings.

[electricvanilla]

Thanks everyone for the advice!!! :oI greatly appreciate everyone’s input.

 

I don't plan on ever being in contact with him again. I have this option on my phone that sends calls straight to voicemail..so that handles that. & I will just ignore his texts. Screw him!

 

What about things he has lent me? Like movies and books? I guess I can donate them? The loser also has my stethoscope!...I guess I will buy another one..wut.evv.