juliebird Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 I could use some objective opinions here. My sister's eldest is indulged, spoiled, and coddled at 5 years old to the point that I very much disagree with her parenting style. If she leaves the room, he starts crying for his mommy. He is not made to eat and when he does eat only eats what he wants which typically is either macaroni and cheese, chicken fingers, or similar. There is no structure whatsoever to when he eats. He won't play with other children unless one or both parents are present to "watch" him. As a result they think he's good at making friends when in fact all he is good at is putting on a show. Otherwise he goes seeking them out as if his world will fall apart without them, even when familiar adults (even family) are present and trying to interact with him. When he does start to cry (usually over something very minor) he gets swarmed by both parents AND his grandparents (notably my mom) who drop everything and act like they have to stop the world to tend to him in this crisis situation. He talks back to adults, TELLS rather than asking for things, and seeks attention by making up stories. (This last one seems fairly normal.) Am I being unfair or expecting too much? It just seems like if they wouldn't obsess over him he'd probably learn to be fine on his own rather than the little drama queen that he is. He whines constantly. Underneath these traits he is a sweet kid, but it is getting increasingly hard for me to hold my tongue as I see him becoming a little a-hole. Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 Gosh, it seems to me like the parents are doing this child a very big disservice. By this age, the child should have good structure, playmates and no longer have issues with seperation anxeity. And how do I know this? I'm a mother of three.. and the first thing I did with my children at a yong age was to implement structure and social skills in their day to day life. They are all thriving. So, I'd say you have a right to worry here. Perhaps mention your fears to your sister and see what she has to say. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author juliebird Posted December 8, 2009 Author Share Posted December 8, 2009 Thanks. I am trying to remain objective but as I said, it is getting more and more difficult. I did try to broach the topic with my sis today and she rushed off the phone then posted a snarky passive aggressive update on her FB page which made it clear I had hit a button. I apologized to keep the peace but I still feel that I am right and they are blind to it. I've also discussed it with my parents (his grandparents) and they see it and are disturbed by it, too, but I think they feel like their JOB is to spoil him and not interfere so they never say anything. Very frustrating. I'm just hoping that despite her reaction today she will at least try to start noticing it more. She's very sensitive herself and I fear is projecting onto him and doing damage in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 he's coming to an age where he's more socially aware of things going on around him ... any chance of getting him for an afternoon for "auntie and me" time? That might be the perfect time to start teaching him positive behavior and showing him there are other ways to behave (naturally, better ways!). Sometimes it's just a lot easier for a kids to respond when he's taken out of a situation where everyone gives in and he's allowed to act more naturally, rather than behave the way he's been conditioned to behave around those folks. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 Thanks. I am trying to remain objective but as I said, it is getting more and more difficult. I did try to broach the topic with my sis today and she rushed off the phone then posted a snarky passive aggressive update on her FB page which made it clear I had hit a button. I apologized to keep the peace but I still feel that I am right and they are blind to it. I've also discussed it with my parents (his grandparents) and they see it and are disturbed by it, too, but I think they feel like their JOB is to spoil him and not interfere so they never say anything. Very frustrating. I'm just hoping that despite her reaction today she will at least try to start noticing it more. She's very sensitive herself and I fear is projecting onto him and doing damage in the process. Good for you Julie for speaking up. At least now you've made your point and let your sis know what your take is. I know this must be tough for you to watch, but try not to let it get to you if ya can. It's very possible that once this little fellow goes to school, he will staigten out.. and your sister and her H will then have to learn to let go a bit.. and let this child spread his wings and fly. My bet is he will be ok. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
JL911 Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 Ok well ill try to chime in and see where it goes... Im a male and ended up dating a female who was spoiled and coddled her entire life...Like to where her parents couldnt fathom their little girl doing anything wrong, they always blamed everyone else for her problems...She had NO friends, zero, none, nada...And she had excuses why for everyone of them, case and point they didnt kiss her ass everyday and every second...Her younger sister was even worse... Her mother ruled her household and was a complete bitch and acted like she was 15, she wanted to be her daughters friend instead of a parent...Not good...Her father was very submissive and lacked any sort of man like qualities aside from possibly having a penis. He never stood up or disaplined his kids or ever spoke his feelings to his wife...He was a poor excuse for a man. I think I quite possibly may have been the first person to ever tell this girl no...We dated for over 3 years...She tried to take away everything I enjoyed in life and turn me into a submissive pussy like her father...When she finally realize she couldnt rule over me and make me be submissive like her father, she dumped me...To this day I am sure she still believes that it was all my fault, and that is fine with me... It ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me...I dont know how your nephew is, nor do I know how this happens with a male, but Id venture to think it creates a very skewed view of life and how people are suppose to treat you and how you are to interact with people. I think it creates an attitude where you are always expecting to get your way and very disappointed when you dont always get it. And in life you need to be able to see that things dont always go your way. Link to post Share on other sites
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