Why do so many people lose interest in sex after they get married?

[AprilFool]

Why do men want sex sex sex sex sex with women before they're married, but after they get married, all of a sudden they want to MASTURBATE!?!?!?!?!?!

[CostumeSmile]

OH NO! I really hope that isn't true for all guys.....do you speak from personal experience?

Are you saying that your husband would rather do him self than you do him?

[toots307]

That's terrible - if that really happens I guess I better not get married EVER!!

[CostumeSmile]

I think I would be able to resolve that little problem though!

[dyermaker]

Why do men want sex sex sex sex sex with women before they're married, but after they get married, all of a sudden they want to MASTURBATE!?!?!?!?!?!

 

*Has never heard "men", "all of a sudden", and "MASTURBATE" in the same sentence*

 

Seriously, he just started now?

[AprilFool]

It's not just my husband...I have a male friend who only wanted sex with his fiance alllllll the time, but now that they're married, they hardly ever do it, but he looks at porn and masterbates.

 

I read another woman's thread on here that said "Husband prefers porn and masterbation".

 

And personally, my husband wanted sex all the time before we got married, but for a long time there, I was only getting it once every other week! Then I found his porn sites on the computer.

 

I don't mind him looking at it, then coming to me, or looking at it with me, but he was being all by himself for a long time, and when we would do it, he wouldn't get off! When I found the porn, though, it changed a lot for the better....

 

I don't understand

[toots307]

I've heard that it goes the other way - that women act like porn stars and then when they've 'landed' their man, sex isn't much of an issue.

 

If either one is true, I'm terrified of marriage. I have to believe that sex is still great after marriage - I can't accept that most men and/or women just quit wanting it.

 

AprilFool - do you have any children?

[AprilFool]

toots, you may be right on some levels. My best girlfriend had sex with her husband like a rabbit until they got married...then, according to her, the fun was gone. They didn't have to hide, they didn't have to be sneaky, they didn't have to be quiet..it just wasn't exciting to her like it used to be after she got married.

 

So of course, she doesn't want it as much...maybe it's the same way for men....hmmmmm

 

But the men don't stop the sexual activity....they just stop it with their wives! It's not like I've been holding out on my husband.

[toots307]

wow - this whole thing really bugs me.

 

Have you gained weight and your husband desires for you are just less?? (not that I think that is a valid reason)

 

I'm all for masturbation but come on - isn't it better getting some from someone other than yourself??

 

And internet porn while he's alone?? I really don't get that concept. If he's watching something that turns him on why not grab the wife and try it out???

 

Have you talked to your hubby about what's going on??

[Tony T]

Many people are not nearly as attracted to that which is readily available to them as to that which they can't have or must put some effort in to get. People often want most what they can't have or what they have to work hard for. Women who have had one night stands and never hear from the dude again ought to have already learned that one.

 

Many men and women lose interest in sex after marriage because it's something that's quite readily available. I would hope that the majority of people don't do that. But the fact remains that the real heights of excitement as pertains to sex probably occurs before marriage. Sex becomes something different afterwards, maybe even better but in a different way.

 

The people who lose interest in sex after marriage are the people who lose interest quickly in most anything that is readily accessible to them.

[CostumeSmile]

Being that I've never been married I can't really understand this, I have however been in a long term relationship where we lived together (w/ the father of my child) and I remember that yes there were times when things weren't exciting, the bedroom get's boring after a while but I would think that as a woman you can change that.

 

I mean if things are boring or repetitive try changing the location, the scenery....I know marriage life is busy and not much time if you have kids for this type of stuff but at night when the kids are asleep you can try new things.....showers together, surprise him w/ a blow job, dance for him, try the living room, the kitchen floor, toys.....

 

This is something that you can't just complain about, take action....motivate...never underestimate the power of WOMAN...lol

 

If your husband rejects your advances and doesn't respond to this then I would assume you have bigger problems than just the lack of sex.

[moimeme]

It's a given that most people are not nearly as attracted to that which is readily available to them as to that which they can't have

 

Nah, that's a myth. Some people are that way, but not most. Those are the sorts of people that long only for what they imagine the person/object might be; they can't deal with reality because it never lives up to their unrealistic expectations. So they idealize something at a distance because they don't have to cope with its reality. Once reality makes itself known and it's not what they expect, they drop that toy and covet another thing from a distance.

 

I don't believe this thread's issue has anything whatsoever to do with availability. With all due respect, April, you've told a lot of your story and it was clear that the relationship between you was not wonderful. Your husband said he felt unwanted. We are told men are all horn dogs, however some of them actually do require a decent relationship in order to enjoy sex. They aren't going to jump into bed with someone they aren't happy with - so they use porn to get rid of the lust.

 

Sex doesn't just suddenly go downhill, nor do people's desires. In almost every case, what has happened is that the relationship has changed to the point that the sort of sex one used to have is just not in the cards. You absolutely cannot look at the sexual part of the relationship in isolation; it will always reflect what's going on in the rest of the relationship and therefore you need to deal with all aspects of the relationship. You also have to look at what else is going on in your lives; during courtship people put the relationship first, however later they have to devote time to (and can have problems with) work, money, whatever. These things, too, spill over into the relationship.

 

It is possible that what may have happened in many cases was that some women and some men 'bait-and-switch'; they pretend to be more sexual than they really are to land the other person. I heard a woman on Dr. Phil once say that she only gave her bf blowjobs while they were going out but, now they were married, she had no intention of doing it ever again! Women need some emotional connection to have sex, and once the initial 'want it all the time' of the beginning of a relationship wanes a bit, they still need something more than a grope once they're in bed to want it; often men quit courting the women and just go for the goodies. In the first case, it's a matter of dishonesty and in the second, it's laziness. Again, both these situations affect the relationship - and the sex suffers.

 

It is facile, IMHO, to blame a change in the sexual relationship on availability. It is a false cause-effect analysis which allows you to ignore the issues in the relationship rather than making an effort to carefully examine the relationship to find the true underlying causes. IMHO it's like the 'nice guys finish last' argument - find a popular theory to blame your situation on and don't bother inquiring about what really might be the issue!

[cindy0039]

Oh wow! Very GOOD, Moimeme...<clapping hands>

[dyermaker]

I saw this episode on Sex and the City. Her solution was to paste pictures of her face over his Juggs magazine, and she felt better about it. That's just a comedy though, because there are other issues in the relationship, yes?

 

Also, in my opinion, masturbation to porn isn't really as intimate of an act as you're making it out to be. It seems to me that it's intimacy that he's shying from.