Guys - would you like to have a 3some with your gf and another woman??

[toots307]

My boyfriend has been wanting a 3some pretty much since we met (about a year and a half ago) . We talk about it - endlessly - but we have not done it. We are both more interested in bringing in another woman rather than another man simply because I don't want 2 men at once and I'm also bi-curious.

 

So what do people think? Will it destroy our relationship??

 

Bear in mind he is not pressuring me to do this or begging me or anything like that. We are both 29 and mature and all it has been is some fun chatting about what it would be like etc.

 

Just want to hear other's opinions and I would especially like to hear from someone who has had a 3some with their PARTNER.

[UCFKevin]

Personally, no.

 

If it was a girl I was just dating, sure, but if I was in a serious relationship and was madly in love, no. I wouldn't want to. Could potentially ruin things big time.

[toots307]

Ok Kevin,

 

Suppose it was someone you were madly in love with and you and your sweetie were having fun at some party and a girl came onto your girl and she was a hottie and your gf seemed flattered by the attention. The other girl made the two of you an offer to join you both later. Would you tell her 'sure' - assuming that you and your gf have had discussions about 3 somes and the two of you have thus far kept it just a fun fantasy.

[may]

Call me "narrow minded".

 

as I think these who like 3some are more animal-like than well-developed human being. they can only have sex but cant make love.

[toots307]

I'd have to disagree with you somewhat May. I can assure you that my bf and I 'make love' but I feel if we were to engage in a 3some it would be purely sexual but I'm not sure that either one of us could just have a wild sexual night with another - I fear our feelings for each other would get in the way.

[May]

Originally posted by toots307

my bf and I 'make love' but I feel if we were to engage in a 3some it would be purely sexual but I'm not sure that either one of us could just have a wild sexual night with another - I fear our feelings for each other would get in the way.

 

Purely Sexual: "animal-like"

Makeing love: sexual actions combine with spiritual, which separate human beings form animals

[moimeme]

We are animals, after all

[Vivid_29]

Hey - I find that there is nothing wrong with a 3-some, whether or not you are in a serious relationship. Just as long as emotions aren't involved and it's purely physical!

 

~V

[cindy0039]

I agree with Vivid....gasp!

[toots307]

I agree Vivid - but how do you turn off those emotions??? I admit there's been times when I'm drunk and giddy and I think I could bring a woman into the sex scene but then when I'm sober and analyzing I think about all the what ifs. What's the secret in having a fun threesome but not getting emotional about it? After all, my man would be inside another woman - would I just be enjoying myself so much I wouldn't get all jealous and hung up on the idea of him with another???

[cindy0039]

Originally posted by toots307

What's the secret in having a fun threesome but not getting emotional about it? After all, my man would be inside another woman - would I just be enjoying myself so much I wouldn't get all jealous and hung up on the idea of him with another???

Well, not necessarily. If you were contemplating a threesome, you would need to establish ground rules ahead of time that you both could live with. If you did not want him to "be inside another woman," then tell him that ahead of time. There are many other aspects to a threesome that could be enjoyable without him having intercourse with the other woman.

[toots307]

I actually have told him that we could have a threesome right away if he would just not have intercourse with the other woman and he wasn't interested in that. He wants all or nothing.

[cindy0039]

Originally posted by toots307

I actually have told him that we could have a threesome right away if he would just not have intercourse with the other woman and he wasn't interested in that. He wants all or nothing.

Then by all means tell him it will be "nothing" if he can't live by what you're comfortable with.

[toots307]

Well I guess that's pretty much where it stands now. There is a part of me that thinks he doesn't really even want a 3some though because I actually had a girl offer to come join us but she said she wouldn't have intercourse with my bf. When I told him about it I thought he'd be all excited but instead he seemed jealous. It's almost like he only wants it if he can't have it.

[cindy0039]

Originally posted by toots307

Well I guess that's pretty much where it stands now. There is a part of me that thinks he doesn't really even want a 3some though because I actually had a girl offer to come join us but she said she wouldn't have intercourse with my bf. When I told him about it I thought he'd be all excited but instead he seemed jealous. It's almost like he only wants it if he can't have it.

What was he jealous of? That she wanted you but not to have intercourse with him? Sounds like he's pretty selfish and/or doesn't have the self-esteem needed for this kind of venture.

 

You may be right, though. He may have just been testing you to see what your response would be to such an idea.

 

I think it's worth noting that different people can have completely different ideas of what a threesome means. To some men, it's all about them...having two women cater to their every desire and focus all their attention on them. To others, it might mean getting to see two women together. Hell, I've even heard some men say they would be pleased as punch just to watch their girlfriend/spouse with another woman. Personally, I find it hard to believe that they would be able to control themselves from not wanting to join in at some point. To others, it might mean three people equally pleasing one another in every possible way.

 

Women may view threesomes in a different way because they do tend to let their emotions get involved more than men (generally speaking). If you're someone who can set those emotions aside and look at it as only sex, it might work for you. If you're not, you definitely should NOT do it.

[lostforwords]

ok is it just me.... or doesnt anyone see a red flag here? he wants to have "intercourse" with her? or not at all? hmmmmmmm.... which tells me that hes laying the ground rules already. Knowing you 2 have been curious about threesomes and tossing the idea around.... he no doubt realizes that you 2 want this to happen..... which to me.... hes setting it up so when you say "ok" he gets what he wants. toots unless your willing to venture down the road of problems, i wouldnt do it.

[toots307]

Ok - for me, I'm mildly curious about being with a woman and I'd also like to see him please another woman to give him an ego boost - sometimes I think his self-esteem suffers but he's an incredible lover so there's a little part of me that thinks I'd enjoy sharing him. What guy wouldn't feel good about himself pleasing 2 women in one night??

 

For him, he wants us to share the other woman. Do things to her together and really excite her and please her and at the same time have her please us and us please each other. He says things like 'don't you think it'd be exciting sitting on my face while she's riding me and you could kiss her and touch her breasts...' and when he talks like that it sounds damn exciting. But then, all the morals and values I've grown up with kick in. I think 'what kind of sicko am I that this would even appeal to me?' What's wrong with me that I'm not enough? Why can't he just be happy being monogamous?

 

But those things are MY insecurities. Like I said, he's not pressuring me at all. Most of the time it's me that starts talking about a threesome.

 

I guess I'm just not ready for a 3some yet and maybe I never will be.

 

Oh ya - he seemed jealous of ME being with the other girl. He said if I want to be with a woman I should go be with one.

[lostforwords]

well then maybe thats the answer for you then..... maybe you should have a bi experience with her.... she already stated she didnt want intercourse with your boyfriend..... sounds like she is more interested in you instead of your boyfriend..... try it with just you and her afterall.. its your curiousness.

[toots307]

Strange and may sound contradictory but I really don't think I'm curious enough to venture outside of my relationship.

[lostforwords]

get a blowup doll then.... its safe, she dont talk back and by god.... shes full of many features im sure you and your boyfriend will both find satisfying!!! Good Luck!!!

[toots307]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA

[cindy0039]

It sounds like it's more of a "fantasy" that the two of you share and not necessarily something that you're ready to act out. If talking about it and thinking about it spices up your sex life, nothing wrong with that. But don't do it unless/until you are both on the exact same page with it.

 

If it's only going to be a one-time thing, with someone you don't really know, and there's no chance of a future relationship forming, that might work best for you.

[PG4ever]

Having been there (and done that!!) you need to discuss this to the Nth degree! Ground rules must be set, and they have to be inviolate. Fun is fun, but ruining a relationship isn't. Be prepared.. there might be some emotions the next day that you'll need to deal with.

[locogurl]

You really sound like me a few years ago... all enthusiastic and had an answer for everything. I also trusted that the rules we had agreed on would be kept and that I could trust him. But in the heat of things it never works out that way.

 

We were invovled in some of that lifestyle for about a year and it all went sideways and after all of that pain and trouble, both of getting our hearts broken and not by eachother, years and years later DH has affair with old girlfreind saying after the fact that if I got to know her I'd love her too & used that as an excuse to just forget all of the rules and have his little fling... smashing all of my trust for him for years and years.

 

Just keep it a fantasy and enjoy that, cause the real thing never is as good and it only leads to BIG problems later.

[toots307]

Sweet - now I'm hearing some interesting things. I'd really like for my bf to understand my views though. He seems more caught up in the fantasy and doesn't seem to want to face the possible realities of the situation. What if the girl gets pregnant? What if the girl is a stalker? What is she's got an STD? etc. etc. Hopefully we will be able to keep it a fantasy - we both seem content with that for now.

 

However, I have heard lots of success stories. I know a couple and the wife has a close friend that joins her and her hubby lots. They've been married for years, have 3 kids and seem happy as can be.