John Who Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! married man was KISSING his WIFE!!!! What A shocker........NOT! Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 actually this morning i asked a few general questions to him about events and weddings---we ask each other all sorts of things all the time-anways my question about slow dancing he said he coudn't remember the last time--might of been his daughters birthday a year ago but wasn't sure --anyways i sent him the picture he said he didn't know where it was --and he said he never hardly wears white(i have seen a lot of suit pictures with blue shirts) and he looked at picture and he looked on computer and brought up-showed me folder --with pictures from his cousins wedding two years ago . So this picture was from two years ago--i saw other photos of same event--sam clothing same everything. He wished i would have just asked and said--What the frig is this photo? Instead of beating around the bush. SOmetimes I feel so uneasy not from him--but from all that i read and see on the tv about cheaters. I breathed a sigh of relieve that is for sure--thanks for you input. It still hurt like hell to see the picture (one thing to thing them in your head but to actually see them is another) It has made me feel really bad for her though--as its the same probably 1000 times more for her to think of me. That i do not take great pleasure in. Seeing is harder on the heart than thinking. Why do you feel sorry for her? It is her he goes home to every night. So what if she posted a picture from 2 years ago. I have a picture on my FB from a year ago. Big whoop. She probably doesn't think of you. She probably thinks of you in terms of her husband's girl on the side; because as much as you like to think you and he are an item, she is married to him and he is not leaving her. I mean, you have a hard time seeing a picture --- yet you are okay with the knoweldge of them sleeping together? Or does he telll you he doesn't have sex with her??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author oxfordsocks Posted December 9, 2009 Author Share Posted December 9, 2009 I generally thought that this was a forum to post support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a commited partner. That is what i did i posted how i felt about seeing this picture and also that i did ask him-only the next day--. I didn't want to let it go left unasked as i did presume it must be recent-but it wasn't. I have read and saw so much illfaith in this type of "cheater" which would be both me and him. I am a good person -this is hard-to be in a marriage with a family -shared history and a husband who is supporting me. I unfortunatley do not think it lightly. Nor do i for him--but i have been completely honest with MM and it would seem from so many that it would be foolish to believe MM, so the seed is planted. I didn't want to be foolish and believe how could i overlook a picture-a possible recent one and continue with him. Some of you are right -everyone is different with posting pictures -i can't post those type of pictures of me and my husband. Yes its difficult to see a history--i have my own history--and i know all the good and bad bits of the history. you don't see that in a moment in time in a picture. MM says he does not control her and what she does on her facebook and therefore would not have her change it--he just asked her if she changed something on facebook as he received an email at their home indicating password had been changed. Her answer was yes she did change the password and a "few other things". He didn't inquire anymore. Both of us never went looking for "an affair" just some personal interest site and we connected and everything with us has fit. The feelings we have and the stuff we share our overwhelmingly amazing and sometimes it really is hard to believe it. I guess i should stop feeling some how that it is all too good to be true. The economic conditions in Uk have made work difficult(only 3 months out of work) but he is now employed as of today. Thanks for the supportive comments and i will filter the other comments however i can. By way of supportive ii don't mean(the way i want to look at it either) Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 (edited) Sweetie...sometimes you get the tough love type of posts, but don't take them an unsupportive - they can be the most useful ones. It's just that we can see some stuff that you don't want to see....i.e. he is married already, his W just posted a photo of her kissing her H on her FB account, which is very normal for a married woman to do, he doesn't object to her doing it, they are still together, you are the one out in the cold, with respect to this whole situation...he is lying to you if he tells you anything different - I think that is pretty obvious but you are too close to the situation to see that, or to want to believe it. But your worries about him lying and worries about whether you can trust him are your intuition literally screaming at you to realize what is happening... By saying that, I'm not flaming you or being unsupportive - if my best friend came to me with this story, I'd say the same thing... Ohhh, and some of my favorite photos are old ones...I wouldn't think twice about posting an old photo of a boyfriend or partner who I am still dating as my FB profile, even if it was old - as long as it was a favorite and meant something and we both looked cute in it...the timing when the photo was taking doesn't really mean anything and isn't important to a couple in a lot of cases... Edited December 9, 2009 by torranceshipman Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha0905 Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 My husband who knows all about my married man as we are in process of separating said that the picture must be really old as she looks way too young in the picture than the last one. I don't think it looks that old. This parts seems odd to me. So, you and your husband are just casually discussing this? Link to post Share on other sites
WalkInThePark Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 When I read the title, my first impression was: "This is just a woman who wants at all costs to show that her hubby is hers." Personally, I have never been in favour of emphasizing too much that "we belong together". Somehow I always had the feeling it would backfire. It's not that I don't want people to know that I am part of a couple, it's just that I feel no need to get my identity from the fact that I am the partner of X. That's also one of the reasons why I would never take the family name of my husband. Thanks god I live in a country where it is very unusual to do this. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 since the picture issue is settled for now i have a question... is he now employed there (in England)? if he took a new job there and not where you live in Canada - i would say he has no plans to move to Canada. if he just got a new job in England then i would venture to say that his plan is to stay with his wife. is this an observation you were making? if you are expecting him to be with you would you expect him to be employed close to Canada? Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 When I read the title, my first impression was: "This is just a woman who wants at all costs to show that her hubby is hers." Personally, I have never been in favour of emphasizing too much that "we belong together". Somehow I always had the feeling it would backfire. It's not that I don't want people to know that I am part of a couple, it's just that I feel no need to get my identity from the fact that I am the partner of X. That's also one of the reasons why I would never take the family name of my husband. Thanks god I live in a country where it is very unusual to do this. My FB picture is a picture of me and my H from a year ago. Want to know why? Cause it is a good picture of us. Why would I want to NOT showcase me and him? Why should I only put a pic of me up? I can't image not being proud to be a part of a couple. I am my H's wife and he is my H. We are a partnership. I am also a mom (and have put pictures up of me and my son). Link to post Share on other sites
WalkInThePark Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Why would I want to NOT showcase me and him? Why should I only put a pic of me up? Because partners are not there to be showcased? Because you exist as a separate and individual person? I can't image not being proud to be a part of a couple. I am my H's wife and he is my H. We are a partnership. That is all very nice but why the urgent need to make publicity about your partnership? I am also a mom (and have put pictures up of me and my son). Well, that's another thing I don't understand from people on FB: the way they showcase their kids. I have a friend of mine who does that and I constantly get the feeling her kid is her mascot. [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/FONT] Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Because partners are not there to be showcased? Because you exist as a separate and individual person? That is all very nice but why the urgent need to make publicity about your partnership? Well, that's another thing I don't understand from people on FB: the way they showcase their kids. I have a friend of mine who does that and I constantly get the feeling her kid is her mascot. [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/FONT] Spoken like someone who has preconceived notions of what it is be a proud of your children or to be happy being part of a couple. The idea that you would view family as mascots or name tags as to who you are. Quite a few of us are secure enough in who we are as to just have the feeling of pride, not one of no self worth. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Because partners are not there to be showcased? Because you exist as a separate and individual person? [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/FONT] But if what you are is a wife and mother, why wouldn't you post photos of your spouse and kids? They ARE a part of who I am. When families or couples send out photo cards for Christmas, do they send them as a separate photo or of them together? Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Well, that's another thing I don't understand from people on FB: the way they showcase their kids. I have a friend of mine who does that and I constantly get the feeling her kid is her mascot. [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/FONT] Usually they do it because they love their kids and are proud of them. They are a wonderful part of their lives:love:. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Because partners are not there to be showcased? Because you exist as a separate and individual person? That is all very nice but why the urgent need to make publicity about your partnership? Well, that's another thing I don't understand from people on FB: the way they showcase their kids. I have a friend of mine who does that and I constantly get the feeling her kid is her mascot. "I am a rock; I am an Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisland." Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Because partners are not there to be showcased? Because you exist as a separate and individual person? And I am an individual - a MARRIED individual who is part of a couple! That is all very nice but why the urgent need to make publicity about your partnership? Urgent need? Who said anything about urgency??? Well, that's another thing I don't understand from people on FB: the way they showcase their kids. I have a friend of mine who does that and I constantly get the feeling her kid is her mascot. You must not be a proud parent! I bolded my responses Link to post Share on other sites
WalkInThePark Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Usually they do it because they love their kids and are proud of them. They are a wonderful part of their lives:love:. Loving your kids and being proud of them have nothing to do with putting a pic of you with them on FB. I mean, you can put a pic of them on FB and not loving them at all. Or loving them heaps but not put a pic of them on FB. It's got a little bit too much "have you all seen what great, goodlooking kids I have." Link to post Share on other sites
Author oxfordsocks Posted December 12, 2009 Author Share Posted December 12, 2009 Methink she posted this picture just to piss you off.. from your post, she's aware of the A.. so she will do everything in her power to destroy your A... which is normal.. IMO. I would just ignore this.. don't mention anything to him.. just go with the flow.. if he's very much into you and slowly exiting the M.. then nothing will change... he will exit soon. Good luck! Yes it was an old picture---and it is still up there even though he knows about it being on there. He says he can't control her and as he says she verymuch wants to stay together and have them "mended". You seem very optimistic --i appreciate that -ty for your input Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 Loving your kids and being proud of them have nothing to do with putting a pic of you with them on FB. I mean, you can put a pic of them on FB and not loving them at all. Or loving them heaps but not put a pic of them on FB. It's got a little bit too much "have you all seen what great, goodlooking kids I have." YEP.. I have GREAT LOOKING KIDS, and they are pretty damned smart and funny and kind too, and I am so proud of them I want all the people in my life to know it!!! So, poo-poo to you, there is NOTHING wrong with that, it is not like we are dressing them up and forcing the to be like JonBenet Ramsey, or showing the world every tiny detail of thier lives ala Jon and Kate. Pssshhh! My kids are great, and I will put them all over my facebook and brag them up every chance I get! Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 I second fallen angel on this one - I personally think it's a bit weird for someone to insinuate that there is something wrong with a person for posting pics of her H/kids on FB. Being part of a family is a HUGE part of someone's life, and a lovely part (hopefully, anyway!) that they should be proud of. It's also natural that a huge % of photos would have a persons spouse and kids in them, as they will be (naturally) with them most of the time, so will feature in the pictures. Whats wrong with that? To comment otherwise suggests someone is very resentful of people with a happy family life. Don't resent the obvious happiness of others! Link to post Share on other sites
WalkInThePark Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 Don't resent the obvious happiness of others! Euh... doesn't the initial post relates to a situation in which there is infidelity? So where is that obvious happiness? Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 Euh... doesn't the initial post relates to a situation in which there is infidelity? So where is that obvious happiness? I agree with that, infidelity isn't a happy situation! But wasn't the original situation a complaint that a W was posting a pic of her and her H? Link to post Share on other sites
Author oxfordsocks Posted December 13, 2009 Author Share Posted December 13, 2009 I agree with that, infidelity isn't a happy situation! But wasn't the original situation a complaint that a W was posting a pic of her and her H? Yes my initial post was i was concerned about this picture and what to do when i say it, My first reacton was OH GOD its a new picture-meaning recent--so it was like staring at a loving moment that is not suppose to be exisiing (the way i see it). Turns out no--the picture (proven by MM) very readily --that the picture was from 2 years 4 months ago. I must admit though seeing that picture--no matter what i have ever thought in my head--seeing him in it --still affects me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oxfordsocks Posted December 13, 2009 Author Share Posted December 13, 2009 If my husband cheated on me--and told me he had an affair--i doubt i would be posting any sort of picture like that up on facebook. But everyone is different. Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 How many friends does his W have on FB? If she has lots of her good friends and mutual friends (between her and her H) on there, then I'd expect there to be lots of messages on her wall, and confused questions about why there is a photo of her and her H as her profile, IF they have split. But if they haven't I doubt any one of their friends would post much about the photo...maybe a 'nice photo guys' comment somewhere at the most? Might be worth checking. I wouldn't take the date of the photo as any clue, though... Link to post Share on other sites
Author oxfordsocks Posted December 13, 2009 Author Share Posted December 13, 2009 I can only see the profile picture if i look on her facebook--no other options unless i am her"friend". Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 OP: STOP CHECKING HER FACEBOOK! First, off I'd say she definitely wanted YOU to see the picture, like marking her territory. Don't spend another second worrying about her and what she is doing. Second, take a hard look at your R with MM. You don't trust him at all. Do you really think that you can do this your whole life, worry about whether your partner is telling you the truth or lying? There are also logistical problems with you two living so far away. Are you planning on moving to England or have you thought ahead that far? i understand you're worried because you are trying verify if what he tells you is true. But if you want this R to work, you have to let go and just trust. What's the alternative, living in this state of disbelief that keeps your R from growing? Constantly putting everything concerning him and what he's doing under a microscope? You will go crazy if you do that. Focus on YOUR R. Build it to be stable and strong. Do the work you need to do on your R. GEL Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts