He Cheated with a Prostitute can I trust him again

[cbcprincess04]

My BF and I have been together just over 6 months. He recently went on a boys weekend to Europe. He had told me before that on a previous trip he had cheated on his ex-wife with a prostitute. I was always just thankful that he wasn't with me when that happened. Then when he told me he was going away again I had a horrible nagging feeling that something similar might happen. Although our relationship had been going through a rough patch he had never given me a reason not to trust him. I wanted to give him a sense that I trusted him so I didn't mention it before he left. I just told him to have a good time. But when he got back something just didn't seem right with him but I didn't want to push so I let it go and just assumed I could trust him.

 

But this past weekend a friend of his was in town and spent the evening at ours. I went to bed and left them to catch up. I overheard him talking about his previous trip and the prostitute and although it bugged me I tried to ignore it. But then I realised they were talking about this time and that he had done it again. I lost it and we had a huge fight. He apologised and said he didn't know what made him do it. He said he was confused and that he didn't trust himself. He was devastated that he cheated and said that he didn't think it would work between us. He asked me to leave. But then changed his mind. We had a huge heart to heart and he told me things, painful things from his past that he was still dealing with. I think it brought us closer together and I am greatful for him telling me, he told me he loved me for the first time. But now I am having an issue dealing with it. I spoke to someone close to me and they told me that love and lust are just two different things and that if I believe he is sorry then I need to forgive him. I do forgive him but I still am having difficulty dealing with the fact that in that instant he was unfaithful he had no regard for how much he was going to hurt me.

 

Can anyone ever get over something like this? I really love him but I don't think I can trust a word that he says and I am so scared to get hurt again.

[New_Life08]

That's a biggie and maybe you should make sure he is checked for a STD before you have sex with him again.

 

We all have a different tolerance for infidelity. If you can forgive and move past this, you are a bigger person that I am.

 

More importantly he needs therapy for the underlying problems that bring him to this. If he doesn't work on that he is doomed to repeat the same behavior.

 

I hope you two can work through this. Trust is nothing to be toyed with, he should have remembered that from the last time he screwed up.

[BookerT]

This is classic.

 

He's a great manipulator. He gets busted then get's you to believe in a load of crap. Sorry if I have to translate it for you, but it's for your own good in the long run.

 

1) "he didn't know what made him do it"

 

Translation. I was possessed, it's not my fault. I slipped my dick in by accident and it wasn't consciously done.

 

2) "I am confused and don't trust myself"

 

Again I was possessed and this isn't really my fault. It was some demon that caused me to have sex with a prostitute.

 

3) "Asks you to leave then changes his mind"

 

Get you worried that the relationship will end, then turns it around and says you are in fact very important to him. Thus totally unbalancing you.

 

4) "tells you he loves you for the first time"

 

Lol, he waits to cheat on you and gets busted before telling you? That's like an amazing secret weapon. Why didn't he tell you before?

 

He WILL cheat on you again. That's the truth, and he's a great manipulator.

[Dark_of_the_Moon]

..... He had told me before that on a previous trip he had cheated on his ex-wife with a prostitute.....

 

 

When a man tells you "Who" he is, beleive him. That was an early red flag.

 

He cheated before, he cheated now and he will do this again.

[Bejita463]

That's the truth, and he's a great manipulator.

 

From the outside looking in, it is pretty transparent though. "Great" manipulators fool everyone.

[BookerT]

From the outside looking in, it is pretty transparent though. "Great" manipulators fool everyone.

 

I know. I'm just letting the OP know the ugly truth, because if she stays with him then it will happen again and she will get hurt even more, and waste more time.

 

Better to deal with the pain now and cut the losses.

[Bejita463]

I know. I'm just letting the OP know the ugly truth, because if she stays with him then it will happen again and she will get hurt even more, and waste more time.

 

Better to deal with the pain now and cut the losses.

 

I don't disagree.

[Javelin]

he had never given me a reason not to trust him.

 

He gave you the biggest stop sign imaginable, he cheated on his ex-wife!

 

Princess, he obviously has no respect for you or your relationship together and doesn't care much about the way you feel. So please dump this childish loser and find yourself a man worthy of your trust.

[norajane]

Not only did he cheat on you, and his wife prior to that, but both times (that you know of) with prostitutes?

 

Ew.

 

Do you really want to be with a guy who thinks paying hookers for sex is a great way to have fun in Europe? Whether you forgive him for cheating and take the chance he won't do it again (he will) is up to you, but now that you know he likes to go to hookers, is this the kind of character you like in a man??

[kiss_andmakeup]

Ugh. I hope he got tested and you have literally seen the results...otherwise I wouldn't touch him with a 10-ft pole!

 

Actually it would be a non-issue 'cause I would kick his ass to the curb.

 

Just make sure that YOU get tested if you've had sex with him since he came back.

[burning 4 revenge]

Well he slept with a prostitute so to make things even you need to sleep with a john

[dreamergrl]

The first time he tells you he loves you is right after you find out he cheated on you with a hooker? And you believe him? He's using a strong word to have his cake and eat it too.

[hoping2heal]

My BF and I have been together just over 6 months. He recently went on a boys weekend to Europe. He had told me before that on a previous trip he had cheated on his ex-wife with a prostitute. I was always just thankful that he wasn't with me when that happened. Then when he told me he was going away again I had a horrible nagging feeling that something similar might happen. Although our relationship had been going through a rough patch he had never given me a reason not to trust him. I wanted to give him a sense that I trusted him so I didn't mention it before he left. I just told him to have a good time. But when he got back something just didn't seem right with him but I didn't want to push so I let it go and just assumed I could trust him.

 

But this past weekend a friend of his was in town and spent the evening at ours. I went to bed and left them to catch up. I overheard him talking about his previous trip and the prostitute and although it bugged me I tried to ignore it. But then I realised they were talking about this time and that he had done it again. I lost it and we had a huge fight. He apologised and said he didn't know what made him do it. He said he was confused and that he didn't trust himself. He was devastated that he cheated and said that he didn't think it would work between us. He asked me to leave. But then changed his mind. We had a huge heart to heart and he told me things, painful things from his past that he was still dealing with. I think it brought us closer together and I am greatful for him telling me, he told me he loved me for the first time. But now I am having an issue dealing with it. I spoke to someone close to me and they told me that love and lust are just two different things and that if I believe he is sorry then I need to forgive him. I do forgive him but I still am having difficulty dealing with the fact that in that instant he was unfaithful he had no regard for how much he was going to hurt me.

 

Can anyone ever get over something like this? I really love him but I don't think I can trust a word that he says and I am so scared to get hurt again.

 

 

Whaaaaaaaaaat? Listen, I agree with everyone who said "great" manipulators fool everyone. I also agree that it was a red flag he cheated on his ex wife with a prostitute, he obviously has not and may not EVER learn from this type of behavior.

 

I think you need to tell him if you wanted to set your va-jay-jay on fire you would use some gasoline, a match and make it quick. That's what you should tell him and then kick him out. I mean you can stay sure, you can follow your "Feelings" but you're only going to get hurt by it. There is no avoiding that part.

[Awesome Username]

Leave his ass. You're lucky you don't have an STD.

 

Anyone would say that he loves his girlfriend for the first time because he got caught cheating is a PIG.

[Malenfant]

He Cheated with a Prostitute can I trust him again

 

Basically....no.

[ALLIE C]

Its one thing to cheat but to pay for it with a prostitute is discusting. You've been together for 6 months which is normally the honemoon period in my opinion when your all loved up. If he's got issues he should have addressed them before getting into another relationship and doing the same thing again.

I think your best off leaving him, to hurt you this early on in a relationship is not a good sign for the future! Move on and you'l find someone who's right for you in the end.

[JerseyShortie]

BookerT nailed it.

 

Yes people can change and make up for misdeeds. However, it doesn't happen within the time frame you discussed in your orignal post OP and your man is quite manipulative. Those are not the words of someone truely remorseful. Why are you so quick to forgive him? ANd how do you know there weren't other times?

[an hero]

Give him a second chance

[torranceshipman]

So lets see: the first time he told you he loved you, it was after he admitted to banging a prostitute in Europe, as he likes prostitutes (based on previous stories you know), then dumping you, then asking you to get back together and telling you how bad experiences in his childhood inexplicably translated into his banging prostitutes to get over it. Why are you with him again?

 

If your idea of a Prince Charming is a lying, habitual prostitute user then I'd stick with him, as you're clearly on to a winner. If you want someone who doesn't bang prostitutes and who respects you then best to move on.

[dazzle22]

Well, here are some truisms of life that I have learned the hard way...

 

-when I see or hear about how someone I care about did something bad to someone else, I no longer tell myself I will be the exception to the rule, I tell myself, I am just next in line....

 

-always listen to "horrible nagging feelings"...

 

 

This guy is BAD news. But I would have to HURT him before I left him. But that is just me...I have gotten revenge in the past, and now I know why God says "vengeance is mine"....it is because it feels soooo goood!

[calizaggy]

Boys will be boys.. What did you think he would be doing with his buddies in Europe? if you let him go on vacation alone expect it..If you had a better relationship he would not be traveling to Europe with his buddies nailing hookers.

Edited December 15, 2009 by calizaggy

[Blind]

Boys will be boys.. What did you think he would be doing with his buddies in Europe? if you let him go on vacation alone expect it..If you had a better relationship he would not be traveling to Europe with his buddies nailing hookers.

 

You CANNOT be serious with this answer, right?

Right, blame the woman for the man's infidelity.

I cannot understand people with this level of mentality.

 

Your husband is a disgusting whore. Leave him. If I were you I would not even come close to an inch with him. Get your self-respect and dignity back by shutting the door and your heart on him. You don't deserve to be treated like that, you deserve more.

[pennyjosix]

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

 

Don't be a fool. Please.

[Jersey Shortie]

Boys will be boys.. What did you think he would be doing with his buddies in Europe? if you let him go on vacation alone expect it..If you had a better relationship he would not be traveling to Europe with his buddies nailing hookers.

 

Why are you blaming her for his infidelity? Is he not able to use self control? Are men regulated to acting out any way they can in the anme of what you preceive is a failure on her part? Is he a man or a child? Is he the one that cheated or not? If she needs to hold his hand whenever he goes on a vacation with his boys, then he really has alot of growing up to do. She isn't his mommy.

 

Truth is that if this had been a woman, you would have been saying how women are no longer sweet and submissive. Please do not blame the woman for the inability of a man to be a man.

[calizaggy]

There is an obvious disconnect between the sexes, and women do not realize men's true nature..

 

People used to refrain from sex until marriage. Now as soon as women spread their legs they expect men to be eternally faithful to them. Men do not view things like that. How many women would let their husband prance around europe with buddies while leaving them at home? Not many.. But marriage means something..

 

No woman should be surprised if her new boyfriend goes to Thailand, Europe, etc with his buddies and has sex. Either look the other way, or do not allow him to go.. But since you are just dating, you have little choice in letting him go. Almost all men cheat or try to on their new girlfriends, so give him a chance.

Edited December 16, 2009 by calizaggy