betrayed2 Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 Long story short: I was in a super crummy relationship for too long. I've known a friend of mine for about 2 years and after i seperated from my ex, this friend was very supportive and practically played the bf role. We fooled around and i felt less than excited, it was fun but i didnt feel anythign special. now months later he's saying the M word and talking about me moving in. we never officially started dating we just knew that each other werent seeing anyone else. i have tried to drop hints that im just not that interested but i think he is in love with me. what do i do so i dont lose my friend? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 Rather than dropping anymore hints, tell him very, very clearly that you are not interested in a relationship with him. Tell him you would like to be friends only. He might not be able to handle that, so there's no guarantee you won't lose him as a friend. But you need to be honest and upfront about your intentions, then let him make a decision about whether he wants to be friends only. Link to post Share on other sites
trueblue72ny Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 you should have told him the deal when you first started hanging. now to keep it from getting worse you have to tell him asap that you are only interested in friends. ya he might be hurt or mad, but it will be worse the longer you let it go on. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 I don't get it. You fooled around with him for months but didn't tell him it was just fun? As a man, I tell the women up front before the clothes come off what the deal is. If they choose to walk fine at least I didn't lead them on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author betrayed2 Posted December 10, 2009 Author Share Posted December 10, 2009 But he did know it was all in fun bc i had just breaken up with my ex and he and i have joked that we would never be married it would be a bloodbath but now he says about me mmoving in and has told me in a suggestive way that i be married in 1 yr.... Link to post Share on other sites
Miko Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 1. Are you SURE you don't like him? I don't want to help talk you into doing something that you'll be sorry about later but the title of your post, if I remember correctly was "not sure about feelings." What's up with that? 2. Let's talk long term here. Later on, when you ARE married, do you really think you're going to have guy "friends" hanging out all the time. I know very VERY few men who would be ok with that. I'm definitely not saying the friendship isn't valuable now but in my opinion, men and women weren't made to be 'friends forever'. A girl 'friend' of mine, who I was very close with is now married and we still see each other occasionally but ONLY because I am good friends with her husband before they got together and was so at the same time I was close to her. Hell, I hardly hang out with my GUY friends since they've been married. Except the ones that are 'king of their castle' and do whatever they want anyway. I'm not really sure what I'm getting at with #2 but it just popped into my head and might be useful to you. Nevertheless, you want a surefire way to let him down easy? Find him another girl, maybe a friend of yours or anyone he may actually like. While you are irreplaceable to him, the 'in love' part of his feelings for you probably is not, yet. Of course, this is only if you truly DO NOT like him, but you've been hooking up and you're friends. As a guy i have a hard time seeing much difference between that and a relationship except the label and a commitment to stick around and not hook up with other people. What more do you need besides sex and a best friend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author betrayed2 Posted December 10, 2009 Author Share Posted December 10, 2009 (edited) i understand you miko and no im not very sure of my feelings, he's a great guy has a lot to offer but i dont think im ready to give my love to someone again it makes me feel worse cuz i know how great he is and i know how much he cares for me i just dont feel that spark so do i wait and hope it happens or just give up and stop draggin him along my life Edited December 10, 2009 by betrayed2 Link to post Share on other sites
Miko Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 Hope what happens? The spark? I don't know babe, sounds like you let him into a place you really didn't want him to be. Been there on both sides of course and there's no easy way out. I tell you what though, as long as you two are spending a lot of time together he probably won't find anyone else b/c he's too busy (emotionally) with you. Find a way to get some time apart and maybe he'll find someone else or you'll miss him and want him around again. Truth is you cannot be 'just friends' with a man you spend a TON of time with. In actual 'just friends' scenarios both people are usually a little more scarce b/c they have other stuff going on such as 'real' boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives. Think about it, you didn't hang out all the time when you had a boyfriend did you? Your bf probably wouldn't be having it. I think m/f relationships are mostly all or nothing(or very little). Link to post Share on other sites
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