Taressa Posted June 16, 2000 Share Posted June 16, 2000 Tough week man-wise has me whirling and confused: One: a man I've been friends with almost two years. He was a great friend and saw me through a tough year after I was raped last valentine's day. We've had a lot of touching and cuddling but stopped short of going all the way. Thought it was love. Found out last night it is not. He admires my strength and softness, likes our long,intimate talks, and enjoys my body and my poetic-ness but wants to love a "strong-handed, bitchy" woman....can't imagine ever loving me. Two: married man I've known four years. Not exactly friends. After lunch yesterday he wanted to play a new cd for me. CD was dirty; his motives dirtier. Leaned in and tried to explore beyond my skirt. Sex, to me, is born of a certain amount of attraction, trust, and emotional attachment. I love all the touching & sexual tension in relationships but save the act and all that leads up to it for that special man. Married man I think is just skanky. Wonderful friend, however, leaves me puzzled. Can he be so caring, feel so wonderful to be with but have no amount of love for me? The answer decides if I let the friendship continue: What does having sex mean to a man? Link to post Share on other sites
billy the kid Posted June 16, 2000 Share Posted June 16, 2000 tough question, first when not in a relationship I have had sex with gril-"friends" for mutual pleasure. In a relationship I feel as you do... now for the first guy you mentioned stay friends with him hs sounds honest. and as for the married prick don't lower your self to be even seen with him.. Tough week man-wise has me whirling and confused: One: a man I've been friends with almost two years. He was a great friend and saw me through a tough year after I was raped last valentine's day. We've had a lot of touching and cuddling but stopped short of going all the way. Thought it was love. Found out last night it is not. He admires my strength and softness, likes our long,intimate talks, and enjoys my body and my poetic-ness but wants to love a "strong-handed, bitchy" woman....can't imagine ever loving me. Two: married man I've known four years. Not exactly friends. After lunch yesterday he wanted to play a new cd for me. CD was dirty; his motives dirtier. Leaned in and tried to explore beyond my skirt. Sex, to me, is born of a certain amount of attraction, trust, and emotional attachment. I love all the touching & sexual tension in relationships but save the act and all that leads up to it for that special man. Married man I think is just skanky. Wonderful friend, however, leaves me puzzled. Can he be so caring, feel so wonderful to be with but have no amount of love for me? The answer decides if I let the friendship continue: What does having sex mean to a man? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 16, 2000 Share Posted June 16, 2000 As for your friend: Some men who are very emotionally immature are not attracted to women who are sweet and nice. They tend to chase endlessly for the unattainable bitch who smashes them to pieces...and they keep coming back for more. This is usually a sign of being raised in a highly dysfunctional family where abuse was the norm. The mistreatment feels just like home. As for what sex means to a man: It means getting an erection, finding a female and going at it. You did not ask what making love means to a man: It means a very close physical and emotional union with someone with whom they have mutual feelings of love and respect. Most men prefer the latter but will jump for the former if the opportunity presents itself. Hope I have been of some help and have a great weekend!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ringo Posted June 17, 2000 Share Posted June 17, 2000 Sex= a physical need for a man Making Love= a physiological need to share time and attention with a woman who he cares about I am almost 24 and not prolific, only 3 sexual partners, didnt lose my virginity till i was 22. With 2, i was in relationships with girls i cared very much about, and it was great, and i prefer to care about someone and "make love" A few weeks ago, i dated a girl a couple of times, no love connection, but we both wanted to experience each other, We had sex, i had never had sex with someone i wasnt in a relationship with. It had been 8 months since i had last been with a woman, and it felt great. We agreed we were friends and it was fine, and i felt better, in a way, it made me feel ready to look for a new love, like it cleared my head of bad thoughts from my last relationship. I would much rather be in love with a woman i sleep with, but once in a while, you run across someone who fullfills your needs physically, and this was a case, and i dont regret it at all, and we still talk. The older guy obviously only wants sex, sex should only happen if both agree that it is fullfilling your needs. Your friend is attracted to girls he cant have, and he needs to talk to a therapist, cause he will never be truly happy, and you cant change him. I am sure there is someone out there that wants a nice girl, and if you really care about someone, dont be afraid to get physical, if its really love, it will only strengthen your relationship Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
LT Posted June 17, 2000 Share Posted June 17, 2000 Love is often situational, as Tony has mentioned before. You needed this first guy quite a bit and he was there for you; you believe you love him now. Part of the recovery process from any kind of trauma is the stage where we start standing on our own two feet, especially emotionally. A part of you seems about to bloom in that respect (maybe that married skunk was picking up on your new "vibes" -- not that that is an excuse). Why don't you back off your friendship with this other friend of yours a bit? Show him you don't need him quite as much and that you can carry your own emotional baggage? Test your own wings again. Find your own strength...it's still there, trust me. You may very well find that your attraction for him fade and/or his attraction to you increases. In any case, it's time to start letting go of that feeling of being a victim. If you don't then the ones who've hurt you WIN...the best revenge/justice is doing everything you can to ensure your own (mental) health and happiness. Oh yeah, kick that other guy down the block a time or two. LT Tough week man-wise has me whirling and confused: One: a man I've been friends with almost two years. He was a great friend and saw me through a tough year after I was raped last valentine's day. We've had a lot of touching and cuddling but stopped short of going all the way. Thought it was love. Found out last night it is not. He admires my strength and softness, likes our long,intimate talks, and enjoys my body and my poetic-ness but wants to love a "strong-handed, bitchy" woman....can't imagine ever loving me. Two: married man I've known four years. Not exactly friends. After lunch yesterday he wanted to play a new cd for me. CD was dirty; his motives dirtier. Leaned in and tried to explore beyond my skirt. Sex, to me, is born of a certain amount of attraction, trust, and emotional attachment. I love all the touching & sexual tension in relationships but save the act and all that leads up to it for that special man. Married man I think is just skanky. Wonderful friend, however, leaves me puzzled. Can he be so caring, feel so wonderful to be with but have no amount of love for me? The answer decides if I let the friendship continue: What does having sex mean to a man? Link to post Share on other sites
Taressa Posted June 19, 2000 Share Posted June 19, 2000 Thank you for some good advice and for giving me the perspective I lacked. What's next: The good friend I'll keep BUT I am backing off quite a bit. Maybe he'll grow fonder in the absence, maybe not. He has been an honest, true friend (like you all mentioned) and that's something rare. I'm kicking married guy out of my life. Period. Thanks for the kind, strong words, gentlemen. Taressa Link to post Share on other sites
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