Sunshin Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 Hi everyone, Please give me your opinion on this lettter, which will help me out of the sadness in my life live right...... :'( "I am sorry for being silent this week. Sometimes I just have to be alone, to think things over. There are a lot of things that are worrying me these days. I think I needed to be quiet and thoughtful. You are right, I do care about you very much. But, I think a relationship is not like a light bulb; it can't be turned on and off too many times. It is more like a fire, that might start up once or twice after you put it out. But, there is no guarantee that the fire will start again. For the short time we were together, we went through a lot. We had many good times, and some rough times. I thought that a few times we were broken up. When I was out of town, I thought for sure that we would not get back together. When I came back, it surprised me that you wanted to see me. I thought it would be better to take it slowly; because it is very difficult to start things back up, once I think it is over. I didn't mean to seem cold and distant, I was just going slowly. I am not upset at you or mad. There is no reason for me to be mad at you. If you followed what you thought was right, that is the best you could do. It is the best anyone can do. And, I am not jumping to dating someone else. I am still sad about us. I am sorry if I have been difficult to understand. If it makes you feel better, I usually don't even understand myself. Like Pascal said, "The heart has it's reasons, that reason knows nothing of". I think both of us have much to learn from our hearts. To tell the truth, I have no idea what's in the future. Well, I was a little sick today; so I am going to bed early. Take care of yourself." What does the letter say in general -his feelings, thoughts, and what does he want now???? Please help me out. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 I think he wants to take it slowly, real slowly, to see if the feelings are still there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshin Posted December 17, 2003 Author Share Posted December 17, 2003 ....does it mean that he mgiht not care for me anymore!? :'( Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 I htink it means he cares about you a lot, but is has been hurt a bunch of times and wants to take things very slow as not to get hurt again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshin Posted December 18, 2003 Author Share Posted December 18, 2003 ......I had replied to his email (the above letter), but he hasn't reply me back for a week now........I know where you guys coming from with your responses, though do you think I should call him to show my caring for him, or should I completely leave him alone and let everything up to him? ...... Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 I think you should not call him. He already knows that you care, so I would just let him figure things out for a while. I know it's hard not to contact him, but it is for the best. Contacting him will just push him away. Link to post Share on other sites
sowwy Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 '...But, I think a relationship is not like a light bulb; it can't be turned on and off too many times. It is more like a fire, that might start up once or twice after you put it out. But, there is no guarantee that the fire will start again.' Sorry, but I think he is trying to prepare you that he will probably stop pursuing the relationship, and that this time-out has given him the chance to realize this. He has handled it beautifully, in this you are lucky. Most men just break up with you out of the blue and with no explanation or just lead you on. '...For the short time we were together, we went through a lot. We had many good times, and some rough times. I thought that a few times we were broken up. He seems to be preparing you that he cannot take being in a relationship that has/had so many problems in such a short time. '...I thought it would be better to take it slowly; because it is very difficult to start things back up, once I think it is over.' Here he is telling you about his personality. He finds it hard to go back to a relationship he believed was over. '...And, I am not jumping to dating someone else. I am still sad about us.' Here he is telling you he is not looking for someone else already-yet. He obviously cared about you and needs to heal but it also implies he will start looking for someone else once his grieving is over. It's not what you want to hear I know...but prepare yourself that he is trying to leave the relationship but doesn't want to hurt you in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 It sounds like closure to me. Not mad, not dating yet, be happy, BYE. Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 Your ex wrote - " If you followed what you thought was right, that is the best you could do. It is the best anyone can do. " Maybe you didn't totally give your heart to the relationship and he felt that.. now he just needs to move on and find someone who will give her heart to him totally... just a thought. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshin Posted December 18, 2003 Author Share Posted December 18, 2003 Sowwy, I'm sad & feel the pain but at the same time I feel relieve by reading your response. Because I understand more the words of his (abt his feelings, thoughts and what he wants), and I feel less guilty. Errol, "It sounds like closure to me. Not mad, not dating yet, be happy, BYE." He wants me to end w/ him. He's not mad, not dating yet, and he wants me to move on and be happy, am I right!? DonTomaso, Thank you for all your responses! Now guys, Sorry, for being pain in the A*, but since I'm so impatient (an anxiety in me about all this) about hear that he wants to end our relationship, so I don't feel more guilty by screwing up our relationship. So should I let him know that I understand him and make 100% clear that it's over w/ us (or is it what he did in his letter!??)....or at least let him know that I understand him. .....plz help...I cannt take the painful impatient/fire in me anymore...:'( Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 I think that's what he did in his letter. You say you already resonded to his email once and he did not reply. What did you write in your first letter? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshin Posted December 18, 2003 Author Share Posted December 18, 2003 DonTomaso, I just told him about my feelings and what we had been through. To be honest, I thought that he still want to work on w/ our relationship And I also naviely asked him, that does he still care for me. I'm honest & serious aout my words: Should I let him know that I understand him now, and say good bye to him??? Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 I think it would be okay to say good bye to him, but don't expect him to come back to you nor should you expect him to write back to you. A also would not tell him you love him or anything like that. I htink a nice letter just telling him you understand and agree is a good thing, but I would like to hear some other people's opinions as well. Smile!!! You'll be okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshin Posted December 18, 2003 Author Share Posted December 18, 2003 It will be my last movement about our relationship........I just want to do the right thing.....tell me guys......I need your help sooooo badly.........:'( .....I feel so weak & helpless right now.... Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 Ahhh... I hate that you are like this. I wish I could tell you what to do. Just cry if you have to. Whatever you do, don't write him a love letter. Please don't~ Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 A week seems like an eternity when you're waiting for an answer but it is not. You have to shut your impatience down. He said: I am sorry for being silent this week. Sometimes I just have to be alone, to think things over. There are a lot of things that are worrying me these days You may just be adding to his burden by pressing him for answers. You have to chill. If a person wants peace, you only bug him by bugging him. If anything, he'll like you less. Find something else to occupy your thoughts. Journal, if you wish; this means you get all the thoughts out on paper but you keep them for yourself; at least you give yourself a bit of peace by putting them down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshin Posted December 18, 2003 Author Share Posted December 18, 2003 Should I just let him know that I understand him and say good bye to him then -Is it a right thing to do? -Is it ok? :'( (PS: DonTomaso, thank you so much for your support......I'm crying deep down inside my heart.....now I cann't control my tears anymore....my face is all wet :'(. Though, I think you are right that I just simply say that I understand him and say good bye to him -again, thank you Don!) Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 I wouldn't say goodbye to him, maybe that you understand what he meant by his email and wish him luck in life. Don't say goodbye b/c it closes off the door. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshin Posted December 18, 2003 Author Share Posted December 18, 2003 So it's ok that I let him know that I understand him and say good bye to him then -Is it a right thing to do? -Is it ok? :'( (PS: DonTomaso, thank you so much for your support......I'm crying deep down inside my heart.....now I cann't control my tears anymore....my face is all wet :'(. Though, I think you are right that I just simply say that I understand him and say good bye to him -again, thank you Don!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshin Posted December 18, 2003 Author Share Posted December 18, 2003 So it's ok that I let him know that I understand him and say good bye to him then -Is it a right thing to do? -Is it ok? :'( (PS: DonTomaso, thank you so much for your support......I'm crying deep down inside my heart.....now I cann't control my tears anymore....my face is all wet :'(. Though, I think you are right that I just simply say that I understand him and say good bye to him -again, thank you Don!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshin Posted December 19, 2003 Author Share Posted December 19, 2003 Hi everyone! I apologize for messing up w/ the replies. I wrote to my ex-bf to let him know that I unerstand him and wish him all the good luck in life. And he wrote back: "Please don't ever think that your emails are a bother to me; and your email was not foolish. I am always glad to hear from you. I think right now is a difficult time for both of us. I know we both enjoy being together; but it is just difficult right now. Understand me, I really do care about you. And I am always willing to listen when you want to talk. Like I said to you, and you said back to me, things will turn out ok. Take care." So I should not feel guilty for hurting him anymore, right!? And just politely reply and say that a nice good bye to him, right!? ........ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshin Posted December 22, 2003 Author Share Posted December 22, 2003 ...should I say good bye to him and thank you for his kindness...??? Is he just being polite and is completely over with me!? I still care for me too, but it seem like he is saying that he care for me to be polite, but is in fact over with me (that is what I feel right now, am I right?! .....:'( Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 Um. You already asked this and got answers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshin Posted December 22, 2003 Author Share Posted December 22, 2003 ......right now I'm so sad & weak, naive & dump.....keep hoping...... I need somebody just be hard on me and tell me straightly the truth..........I have made a mistake before and I felt bad and regreted in whole year. I just don't want to make another mistake. Tell me that he is over with me, that I'm just so dump and naive about thinking of him all the time, while he might already start to date other girls.... What should I do.......my mind & my heart are enemies right now (my mind say that I have to move on and forget about him, but my heart say that I want to know what he thinks, feels and I still care for him.......Oh my God, what should I do with myself.....I'm going crazy now.......:'( Link to post Share on other sites
ASDFJKL Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 By what the letter sounds like...it's over, unfortunately. I am so sorry. He cares about you with all of his heart and really, truly loves you...but he can't take any more pain and heartache, so he wants to break up for a long time. He wants to get completely over you so he can get on with his life. Link to post Share on other sites
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