SNAKE-EYES Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 Hi ALL, i've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for close to 5yrs now, 2.5 yrs were long distance. we've been thru ups n downs like every other couple but recently an evil has risen in the form of her "new" best friend (she knows her from 2yrs ago) the problem is i personally feel she's much closer to her new best friend than she is with me. she spends more time with the new friend than she does with me n each time i see them together it just SICKENS me that i have to share her with this new friend! her best friend who doesn't have a bf always asks her to go clubbing n it just makes my blood boil! the best friend knows i don't like my gf to go clubbing! i hate it when my gf goes clubbing without me! especially when all the better guys ask for a dance, number or anything else! i know i'm insecure! i feel like i'm second in her love life! the 1st being her best friend!!! hahaha it sounds strange but it REALLY LOOKS THAT WAY! No my girlfriend is not a lesbian! any recommendations people? she's hurt me more times than i can remember with her actions but i endure all that cause i TRULY LOVE HER! Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 Doesn't sound like true love to me if you have to 'endure' the pain she causes you. Sounds more like comfort, fear, maybe even codependence, all with elements of love. she's hurt me more times than i can remember with her actions but i endure all that cause i TRULY LOVE HER! Its natural when someone new comes into the picture to spend more time with them until the newness wears off. It was probably like that with you when you were first going out. Now it sounds like she takes you for granted. It also sounds like maybe she just doesn't care about your feelings. Talk to her about it. Tell her that she is neglecting you and you need to know where you stand with her so that you can make some decisions about your own future. Love is a two way street - you've probably heard that before. You are only doing yourself harm if you stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you back. It will hurt like he11 when you leave her, but the hurt will stop and you'll find someone new. Hopefully when you talk to her she will see how much she is hurting you now (maybe she doesn't realize how much you are hurting) and she will get her priorities straight. If you are confident that she loves you then let the short-term excitement of her new friend wear down on its own, but still let her know how you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 Talk to her about it. Tell her that she is neglecting you and you need to know where you stand with her so that you can make some decisions about your own future. Talk to her about it. Tell her that she is neglecting you and you need to know where you stand with her so that you can make some decisions about your own future. I know that Errol just said that verbatim, I just wanted to say it again twice. When my Dad worked for AT & T, they teach you that on the support lines, you have to say it twice for them to hear you, and thrice for them to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
SNAKE-EYES Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 THanz for the comments people yeah i've talked to my gf about it a few time but it doesn't sink in her head no matter how i explain it to her. maybe what i actually want is for her to stop seeing her friend, i know that's a tall order but i think that's the only where i would feel better? i'm a confused individual hahaha "endure" might not be the appropriate word i should have used, but i KNOW SHE's the ONE! SHE's THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME! anyone else with recommendations on how i should CURE myself of this JEaLOUS disease i think i i have? Link to post Share on other sites
CostumeSmile Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 OMG, this is exactly what my BF's boyfriend would say about me except that he is sooooo totally wrong! He has gone as far as accusing her of being a lesbian (so not true!). I'm single and I do like to go out but I'm not the type of girl who goes around giving my # to just anyone never mind encourage my friends to do so when I know she has a man. In fact when they have problems and she comes to me I usually encourage her to work things out, not b/c of him but b/c I know she loves him. Sometimes she's even come to me and has wanted to do something crazy (like go party w/ guys) in a fit while mad at him and I'm always the one to talk her out of it (if he only knew). I suggest that you just relax and realize that her Friendship w/ her friend and her "relationship" w/ you are two completed separate things and you have nothing to be jealous about, I mean geesh you sound just like this dude and I know that my BF really resents him for that and she even told him that if he made her choose it would be me b4 him cause I was there b4 him and guess what, I'll be there after him too. In the end it's always up to your girl to make the right choices so if she loves you and respects you this girl will have absolutely no negative effect on her. If she is neglecting you it's not b/c of this girl it's b/c she might not share the same feelings you have for her. Talk to her but don't blame her Friend for her actions. Link to post Share on other sites
locogurl Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 One thing that I have done in the past was to make friends with the person that is feeling threatening to me. A lot of time they aren't as awful as I had thought and they turn into good friends instead being a source of feeling insecure. When they are your friend and not just your SO's friend they take your feelings into account and you also get invited along... Link to post Share on other sites
SNAKEEYES Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 THank You everyone for their comments, well i know i should chill n relax about my gf's friend spending time with her n going out clubbing and all that, but i just can't help feeling that she's SPENDIN WAY TOO MUCH TIME with her friend than she does with me. take for exmaple, she's been seeing her friend everynight this week after work! i only met her once during the whole week!!!!! even then i had to invite myself to their gathering! how am not suppose to feel mad at her! it feels strange doesn't it? when u love someone deeply (MADLY) but they can't seem to express the same feeling back at u. i doubt she can ever love me as much as i do for her. i think i need someone who loves me back as much as i love her (i LOVE HER TO DEATH!!!! i know it isn't healthy for me to do that cause i can n have gotten hurt easily thru her actions) anyway this weekend she's going clubbing with her best friend n the rest of her gang friends (guys n ladies) she knows i'll get jealous seeing her dance on the dancefloor, guys just try all sorts of things to get her number. so she told me it's better if i don't go. how suspicous does that sound to u? it's funni, she knows she hurts me when she goes out clubbing (without me) n letting me worry about her but yet she still does it!!!!! ok u might say she's able to take care of herself, but still i feel that i should be there to protect her in case of anything. Furthermore i don't trust her friends, they're all single or not in a SERIOUS relationship unlike my gf n I. plus quite a number of her MALE friends have tried getting to know her better while i was away. Currently there's one guy who's gonna be at the party who i know is gonna try something, he's been trying to get to know my gf closer! arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh she DRIVES me CRAZY! it's easy to say to me, just leave her n get someone else but i feel she's THE ONE! damn maybe i don't deserve someone like her! the thought did run thru my mind, who wants to be treated badly by their partner for the rest of their lifes?? !! oh well, i hope to get some more comments from the people in here. Keep it coming folks! Link to post Share on other sites
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