He's ignoring me again.... :(

[greentea]

How can he not even send a christmas wish to me after four years of serious relationship and only 1.5 months of informal breakup. It's Christmas! It's tradition that we either call or send SMS to friends just to wish them well on Christmas... but my guy?? nothing from him.

 

I'm sure he called up some friends... how can he totally forget about me!

 

[Butterfly1]

I know that just awful. But give it another day. He should call you. He owes you that respect after everything. With this guy, I would not call him. He might be expecting you to make the move (since you have for the past 1.5 months) and maybe will surprise him when he doesn't hear from you. If she does't call, at least it will shed some more light on you on the person this guy has turned to be. You deserve more.

[sarah12]

greentea - stay strong - do not attempt to contact him! Butterfly1 is right..you do not deserve this. This is awful, after 4 years and he doesn't even have the heart to wish you well on Christmas. You need someone who can give you more respect than that!

 

On a side note - merry christmas to you!

[greentea]

I took all your advice and did not send SMS/email nor did I attempt to call him although deep in my heart, I so wanted to. I controlled myself.

 

He has not contacted me too. Not once.

 

I guess today is just one of my "bad & weak" day. I feel scared again of losing him. I often tell myself, I should stop loving him as he has shown me disrespect when he totatally ignored/forgotten me on Christmas day (and the many times she ignored my messages/calls days before). My heart tells me, I still love him and I really want to fix things with him so we can be together again; but my mind tells me to stop loving him and to move on.

 

I am so confused. This is what I want: To FIX our differences, be together again and not let this happen again by learning from this situation. I know even if I want this, if he does not want to cooperate nothing will happen.

 

I just feel so bad now.... i feel so alone.

[carra]

i know how you feel, like you are on hold. i also have the insecurities and fears if my hubby will come back to me. i know deep down he loves me and feel like he will come back to me. it sounds like you feel the same way. listen to your heart.

 

it sounds like you believe in God, thats good. just know that God does not dish out more than we can handle. during the really hard tiimes where i feel lonely and hopeless, i pray for strength and guidence, open my bible (study bible) and read. there is always a positive msg for me in there, and i know god is taking care of the situation.

 

it' hard, but i try to think of the positive in my situation, like really learning about who i am and being happy, and knowing i love my self. there is always a reason behind these situations, whether it is to build our faith in God, learn about ourselves, or build character. don't worry greentea, someday you will look back on this and see it from a different perspective- you will see that during this time you have grown as a person and know yourself better.

 

just have faith and know God is in control- time can change people, don't give up hope.

[greentea]

Carra, thank you for your words.

 

I had the "mistake" of sending him an SMS this morning on the last day of the year to wish him well this coming new year. I quoted it as a mistake because I should have controlled myself by not contacting him at all. But I just felt so weak today, i feel so emotional because 2003 is about to end yet we have not mended the broken relationship. So i sent him an SMS to wish him well. He replied by saying thank you and he wished me well too. Then I asked him how he was and he told me that he was ok except that he is sick at the moment. I told him then I was doing fine and I reminded him to take his medicine for him to get well. He said OK, and then he sent another text message saying he needs to go for a while and will text me later again as he has something to do. I did not listen. I thought he had to do something quick so I just sent him messages by asking him when he is coming back to our place. He did not answer. I sent him several messages again telling him I was hoping we can fix whatever things we have to fix just before 2003 ends. No answer.

 

I feel so hurt. Why can't I get over him?!!!!! Why do I have to feel this? I should be mad! But why do I keep on thinking about him and wanting him back so badly in spite of what he has done? How can he just feel so numb and not reply to everything I said? How can he not feel anything? How can he do this to me? How can he not respect me when all I have done is to show him how much I loved him and how much i value the relationship?!

 

I have a lot of questions in my mind left unanswered. But how can I get answers to my questions if he doesnt want to make things final with me? I shouldnt be waiting anymore.. but I cant move on.. because I am still hoping we can fix our issues.

 

We've had very nice memories together ... but this distance between us has just brought us love drought.

 

Aside from giving him space and not contacting him, is there any way I can save this dying relationship?

[Butterfly1]

Greentea, I am right there with you. I don't understand how someone who claimed to care about you so much in the past, could just turn a cold shoulder on you later on. I did not date my ex for as long as you but he broke up with me on a voicemail out of nowhere and now won't even talk to me. I broke down as well and sent him an email that he got yesterday telling him about my doctors appointment (that was becuase of him) and wished him a merry christmas and he ignored it (also sent him a text message on christmas day saying merry christmas that he also ignored) I broke down and sent him a text message today that said if he wanted to burn a bridge with me, he was successful and that i didn't know he could be such a cold person and a coward.

 

I don't know if there is anything more you can do to make this relationship work. He has to be willing and wanting to make it work and unfortunately there is nothing you can do or say that will make him want to. You just do what makes you feel better. I know how you feel - having strong feelings for someone who shows none for you anymore and shows you no respect. Its not fair. I know the "right" thing to do is to just go on with your life and realize that he was too chicken and too much of a coward to confront what he is going through right now. But I know if I were you, I would want answers and I know at some point I would just call him and see him and have it out. YOu need and deserve answers and you need closure and it seems like you are living in a world right now where you can't move forward until you have figured this out....waiting for him to contact you has been hard and you still have that hope that he will come back.

 

He is coward and he is selfish and immature and I can tell you that in time he will realize that. I hope mine does at least realize that it was cold and cowardly of him to ignore me...but who knows. I am sorry you are going through this. It totally sucks.

[AprilFool]

You act so desperate!!!! Leave him alone!!!!! I know you have a past with him, I know you love him, but he ASKED you for SPACE!!! Thus, you are supposed to give him space.

 

Now, to be clearer.....It sounds like the man you love is questioning whether he wants to remain in a relationship with you. When you ask *when are you coming home? why won't you talk to me? can we fix our problems?* you come off as sounding like such a nag. He now realizes that he can do anything he wants, and treat you any way he likes, and you are so desperate that you will be there, waiting to kiss his butt whenever he feels like bending over.

 

You have given him too much power. Now, he's trying to decide if he wants to live without you or not, and you are nag nag nag nag nagging him to give you closure. He's probably ~this close~ to telling you to leave him alone PERMANENTLY.

 

If you give him space which he specifically asked you for, then I'll bet he will be back within a few months to try and work things out. If you keep forcing him to be with you, he's just going to cut his losses, and find someone who's not so clingy.

 

I am learning a lot from my husband about how some people just need to be left alone. When my husband starts acting like a jerk, I beg him to talk to me, and he blows me off. When I finally give up, and go into my room and watch TV and ignore him for a few days, he comes around wanting to be allll lovey dovey.

 

The point is just give him some time to realize what life is like without you. I'm sure that if you'd ignore him right back, that he would be the one feeling lonely. I read somewhere "How can you chase something unless it's running away?" Your boyfriend is running away, and you are chasing!

 

My little dog will run out the door sometimes, and if I run after him, he keeps running away. A friend of mine suggested that when he runs out the door, that I ignore him, and go the other way! YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE HOW WELL THIS WORKS!!! If he runs out the door, I'll go into the other room, and the next thing you know, he's back inside, looking at me like, "Aren't you going to chase me???"

 

Girl, get a life! Go to church, go to the movies, I don't care, but don't take your SMS thingy with you. If he writes to you looking for you, don't respond. Make him think you've got better things to do than sit around waiting on him. I can almost guarantee that if you haven't scared him away already with your ruthless chasing and begging, then he'll be calling you up wanting you back real soon.

 

A lady I work with had a boyfriend do her that way. He would call her five times a day, then one day he just stopped. He didn't call her for a month, and she didn't call him either. She didn't try to push herself on him, and at the end of the month, he started calling again just like before. She didn't push him as to why he hadn't called, but he explained that he and his ex-wife were having trouble, and he didn't want to get her involved.

 

I had a boyfriend that stopped calling me, so I called him, and went to his house, and finally when I got hold of him, he said we needed to just be friends for a while. Forget that. I stopped calling him, and 6 months later, met the man who is now my husband.

 

Girl, don't wait on any man. This guy is obviously giving you clear signals that he's got better things to do than play with you, so he's obviously unworthy of your love. Move on. I bet he'll come around, but if he doesn't, you won't look back at yourself next new years, and ask yourslef, "why was I so stupid and desperate? that jerk wasn't worth me wasting my time!" if you stop chasing him, you may look back, and say, "I'm glad I showed him that I have some dignity.....this year I'll get to kiss him at midnight."

 

I don't mean to sound harsh, or judgemental, but I've been where you are so many times. I have learned that if I'd just show these guys that I'm not about to chase them, then they'll chase me! If they don't, then they aren't worth my effort any way.

 

Please, save yourself from yourself!!! Don't answer the next time he calls. Don't reply when he sends you a message. Make him sweat it out a little before you respond, and when he asks where you were, simply say, "I was busy "

[greentea]

I wish I can really be strong enough to not think of him every minute of the day, strong enough to not cry everytime I think of him, strong enough to not feel scared that i am losing him already, strong enough to live life without him. My mistake was I loved him too much as if he was the center of my life. I loved him more than myself and more than anything in the world (he was my first boyfriend). So when he left without any explanation... you can just imagine how it ruined myself as a whole.

 

I know everyone keeps telling me DO NOT CONTACT HIM. DO NOT SEND SMS. DO NOT CALL. DO NOT SEND EMAIL. I know all of you are right. I am able to do that most of the time, but on my "weak" moments, I can't help but try again thinking this time something might change. I am an EXTREMELY emotional girl, having loved only one man in my entire 26 years of life, a guy I loved so dearly. So it really is very painful for me to accept this. It's almost two months since the "space", I don't think something good is about to happen and it scares me a lot...

 

Some of you are probably tired of reading what I have to say as I can't seem to control myself... but I do really appreciate your thoughts on my problem.

 

I just hope i can buy strength and sell my weakness. I am too tired feeling so alone and needy and desperate!

 

[werty]

just wana ask... does the one who asked for "space" usually comes around after some time especially when the one left alone doesnt makes contact anymore ???? how true is this???

[greyskies]

 

Like one of the ladies here said about the dog..... Men and women alike can be dogs so to speak. We are all different yet the same. Some are people with hearts of gold whom would do anything for anyone, give someone the shirt off their back, let people take their kindness for weakness, be walked on like a door mat. Then there are the people whom take people for granted, can easily say mean and hurtful things, can walk away from someone they were suppost to love without batting an eyelash. And are just simply self centered egotistical creeps. Until one day they fall in love with someone and feel the same way we did about them and what..... KARMA HA and thats what they get, but by then we are with someone else and just happy as ever and they sweetest thing is watching them act just like you did and do the same thing you did and chase away that person just like you did. You see we are all human beings made up of the same substance, with the same kind of heart, and the same kind of love, but our different personalities is what makes us unique as indivisuals. We all want love Uncondisional love more than anything. And we search and wait and long for something that is right within ourselves. If we could just love ourselves as we love our partners then we wouldnt need anyone else. So we cant, if would could life would have no meaning it would be boring as hell. Lifes a bitch and its hard and painful and as we live it we learn it. Theres a saying I heard "If you didnt learn something everyday of your life you would die." Until I heard that I wasnt aware that I really do learn something each and every day. And this post has taught me so much thank you all. Wow what a revelation. Happy New Year!

[Skittles]

practically chased him by calling him and sending him text messages EVERYDAY... but he never replied. Until two weeks after, he said he needed time and space to think and figure things out. He said he does not love me as much anymore because of the argument that we had but would admit that sometimes he misses me. He said we need time out to figure out our mistakes......

 

Hi Greentea,

 

I think all posters said some pretty smart things. I wouldn't break up with him, though, officially. Imo, he is avoiding (facing/admitting) something in your relationship ( after 4 years geez!) and the onus is on him to spit it out. (say whats going on with himself!)

 

You have overcommunicated....so if you could power down a little and focus on yourself only at this time, the truth will eventually surface.

 

What I identify with in your case is your absolute sense of panic...and that is something you own and may want to take a look at...It almost sounds as if you have whipped yourself up into an emotional frenzy...that your very survival is at stake if this guy doesn't communicate with you or address your insecurities immediately.

 

The good news is your survival is in your own hands ultimately... your physical, emotional, psychological, etc... all of it.

 

So reel yourself back in girl...you can do it..

 

 

Oh and if you disappear for awhile...I'm guessing that he will resurface somewhere down the line...the really important thing is how you will handle it when he does.

 

 

 

Please feel free to p/m me anytime.

 

 

Happy New Year...Skittles...

[Arabess]

What I identify with in your case is your absolute sense of panic

 

What a great point Skittles!! I think everyone goes thru that when a break up first occurs...and not just mentally! I really think your whole body goes thru a horrible reaction....like hyperventelating or something similar.

 

It just takes a while to get to the other side of it.

 

Greentea,

Don't lose your self respect by chasing this guy down. It's not worth it. All you are doing is feeding your disappointment. You can't change an end result....regardless of how hard you try. And God knows....we've ALL tried at some point or another. You have to step back and see what a time waster and heart breaker it is to continually contact someone who isn't responding.

 

SURE, it's hard....very hard. For your own sanilty, you have no choice though. As a matter of fact, the only chance you will probably EVER have in him contacting you....is for you to quit contacting him.

 

Good Luck girl.....

Arabess

[greentea]

Arabess, Skittles, Greyskies - thank you so much for all the advices. It really helps a LOT. I have a very clear picture in my mind of what I need to do per what you all said. I guess the most difficult thing to do now is HOW to make things easier for me to get to the other end of the string.

[Arabess]

How can he not even send a christmas wish to me after four years of serious relationship

 

Probably because it would be hard for him to wish you a Merry Christmas after he screwed this one up for you.....

 

If it makes you feel any better.....I didn't get one either. Makes you kinda wish Santa would've left them a stocking full of reindeer crap.....LOL!

[gwennebe]

Greentea. Hey there. I'm sorry to hear you are having suck a difficult time.

I understand exactly how you are feeling.

 

I think you have some hope with this relationship. Look at it this way. He didn't hear from you for awhile and you sent a message to him and he actually replied. So you can see distancing youself made him at least respond to you again.

 

That shows some hope don't you think? You should have just left it at that and waited to see if he responded back later like he said he was going to. I betcha he would have.

 

Do you have any friends or relatives nearby you? I think you should give away your phone for a month that way you won't be as tempted to send him messages. If you keep pestering him like this he may even change all of his numbers, email, etc. As of right now he doesn't have time to miss you. You are not letting him. You have to get out of the house girl. Join a gym, a club, something. Meet new people. I'm not saying jump back into the dating scene but get out of the house please!!!!!!!! Socialize some and you will start to feel better.

 

Most of all hang in there. I really think things will turn out the way you want but you have to dissapear for awhile. Don't give him any explanation treat him the way he's treated you. Turn the tables on him and walk away. Concentrate on youself everytime you start thinking of him. Think about you instead or get out of the house and get your mind off things!!!!!!!!!

[werty]

hey, how long do u have to do this? i mean the "no contact" thing u know... im on the same boat though my ex-GF broke up as nicely as she can but would want that "no contact" thing and all i could ever do is to sadly agree

 

yes, having no contact to him would somehow help the relashionship by making him miss u in his life and how it feels without you around... in your case its obvious that hes avoiding you, so for now leave him alone.. while you find some ways, or do things that would make u busy so you wouldnt think of him.. let this thing be an emotional fight... he would contact u soon, as soon as he knows what importance u have in his life...

 

i just hope so it would turn out like that... so Good Luck...

[greentea]

I guess you are all right. The situation is something I cannot control. It is all in his hands. Like most of you told me, I should let go of him for now - that is do the "no contacting" thing and make him miss me (i wonder. if he ever would.)

 

I guess it is time to completely focus on myself and stop thinking when he'd come back to our place (the last I heard is he still has lots of project there and I dont have the slightest idea if he is still coming back here) and come around. It is sooo hard to wait for someone when you dont even have a clue if he is coming back at all. It is doubly difficult to experience a guy leaving you with no explanation having cut all forms of communication which is his choice.

 

Gwennebe/Werty - thank you for giving me a little hope. I know I should move on, not focus on what else I can do to save the relationship (as I've done everything possible already to no avail) but instead to focus on myself and make myself happy.

 

It's soooo difficult, but I know I have to. I have always been sooo emotionally weak so you can just imagine how devastated I feel now.

 

I just don't know how to let go of the only person I ever loved....

[sarah12]

greentea - I just want to tell you that you are being really strong. I'm glad you have come this far..I mean if you look back to where you were at just a few weeks ago, you will see for yourself that you have gotten stronger. I know it's hard..but you have to realize you will get through it. It's okay to grieve for a while..it's normal..it takes a long time to get over somebody and even harder when you don't have explanations..I just wanted to let you know that I'm proud of you! Keep it up!

[greentea]

Just this morning, we talked via SMS. I am quite hesitant to post this as I have broken my vow to not contact him at all. I am sorry.

 

I asked if he is back in town. I also told him that I want to start the year right and I told him that I was sorry for having disappointed him and for all the mistakes I made in the past and I asked if we could give the relationship a second chance. (PLEASE DONT GET MAD AT ME. I know Im being stupid!) He sent me a text message and told me "I am not back in town yet. I will let you know when Im there." And then he sent another message to answer my question (giving relationship a second chance), he said "Please dont rush."

 

I am letting the words sink in...but I dont know how to interpret it just yet.

[greentea]

SaraH12: Thanks. I wish i can be really strong. But I failed.

 

Just this morning, we talked via SMS. I am quite hesitant to post this as I have broken my vow to not contact him at all. I am sorry.

 

I asked if he is back in town. I also told him that I want to start the year right and I told him that I was sorry for having disappointed him and for all the mistakes I made in the past and I asked if we could give the relationship a second chance. (PLEASE DONT GET MAD AT ME. I know Im being stupid!) He sent me a text message and told me "I am not back in town yet. I will let you know when Im there." And then he sent another message to answer my question (giving relationship a second chance), he said "Please dont rush."

 

I am letting the words sink in...but I dont know how to interpret it just yet.

[claudia]

hey greentea i was following this post for a while and i don't think anyone should be mad at u for contacting him ,after all u are human and same as u i'm having a hard time with the no contact rule. i broke mines many times only to be hurt in the end but we both have to be strong. U just have to shake it off and step up, just let it go ( i know easy said than done ). U got to remember any man would want a girlfriend like u , IT HIS LOSS AND ANOTHER'S GAIN . Just think five years down the line when u are happily married with two kids u will look back and say i was wasting time for who him what was i thinking .

 

greentea maybe u could loook at this as an experience as something thats making u stronger . can't say forget him but just occupy ur time maybe u should mars and venus starting over as well as mars and venus understanding the opposite sex. understand this one too u can't make yourself move on it has to happen so just move with the flow and try this everytime u feel to contact him write it down and take some baby steps .

 

 

well i hoped i helped.

 

hugs hugs hugs to greentea

hangin luv

[InLoKo]

Greentea....you're a very, very naughty girl!! Don't do it again!! I was sooooo hoping you hadn't caved in and was looking for an update. Now I don't care if you post here each and every time or PM all of us when the urge next comes over you. BUT DO NOT CONTACT HIM AGAIN.

 

Reading what his last response to you has been, I actually think you may have a glimmer of hope there. Don't go getting all excited again. I said a GLIMMER. That can easily be extinguished by another rush of SMS messages. He didn't have to say he would tell you when he was back in town. His comment about not rushing seems slightly sarcastic, but all the same it was a response and not F*** off. One thing you definitely have in your favour is that he will be expecting you to SMS him in the morning or in a day or two, as has been your pattern. If you stay off the phone and change the pattern to one of NO CONTACT, you may well succeed in getting him to wonder why you haven't contacted him, have you gone off him, etc, etc.

 

An old lady once told me "IF YOU WANT TO BE MISSED, BE MISSING!" That's in capitals for all no-contactees to read and say like a mantra. All together now.....

[greentea]

I know I was wrong again when I sent him those SMS. It's just that I had this feeling if he doesnt come back in town on the 4th of January, it means he is staying there for good (project place is his hometown). I just had to know. So when he said "Im not back in town yet. I still dont know when, but I'll let you know" somehow it gave me hope that afterall this time, he is still coming back.

 

Yesterday when I sent him the SMS, I sent one final SMS to him and told him that "I love you so much you know that, but if you want me out of your life, just tell me, I will let you go". I just felt I need to let him know that if he doesnt love/want me anymore, he should tell me, so I could stop hoping, feel the final pain and try to move on.

 

Of course, I did not get a reply.

 

I promised myself that will be the last. And yes, InLoko, should I get the next urge to text message him, I will keep posting here. I know you are all there and most of you have been giving me great advices. I just have to follow them.

 

I should.

[lovehurts]

Hi darlin!

 

Dont feel bad about what you have done. You are basically looking for answers and closure. He owes you that! And the fact that he didnt even reply to that message is truly mean.

 

If you think you have said all you have said, and asked all the questions you need answered then there is really nothing more for you to do.

 

He is treating you very unfairly... do you really want someone like that in your life?!