He's ignoring me again.... :(

[greentea]

inLoko: you are right. I am determined to find myself again and complete myself without him. I am going baby steps with the NO CONTACT thing, and I'm quite successful now, although I know one of these days, I will go on a relapse and become weak again.. but I'll try to be strong with this commitment of NO CONTACT.

 

I am trying to love myself now; hopefully, when he comes back in town, I don't look desperate anymore.

 

There are a lot of things I learned in this forum that I never heard from friends or in school. I am glad there is LOVESHACK.

[greentea]

I just heard the WORST news in my entire life. He is now seeing someone else.

 

I have been crying for 6 hours now since the time I heard the news from John, his brother-in-law. He told me that he knows that my guy is seeing someone else since Nov-Dec 2003 - time when he asked for space. I was so depressed and confused when I heard this because all this time I have been blaming myself for having said something that made him upset. Although, the reason for the argument was very shallow, I though maybe he was just hurt. .. I didnt realize he used the situation to get out of the relationship. Yes, he did ask for space for us "to work things out and figure out our mistakes" - I gave that to him considering that we are living in different islands for the past three months. He has not contacted me since the time we had the "argument". I tried to chase him (hoping we can talk about it) to no avail. He told me we will get back together at the right time. I never thought he would use that time to pursue other girls. I had so much trust and respect for this guy, I just couldnt believe he could do something so hurtful to me.

 

I never got to confront him about the news yet - I guess action speaks louder than words. Even if I send him SMS or email or call him, he wouldnt reply anyway, just like what he did to me for the past two months. I tried to compose a message for him a while back but I did not send it as I am not sure what to say just yet. I just feel so bad because I waited for him and I was hopeful that one day he will come around and try to work it out. Worse, his inlaw told me that he is not coming back to our place anymore. He is more likely to stay in their place (hometown) to work as the new girl is also living there.

 

I am so lost. How can someone who I perceived as a perfect gentleman do something so terrible! :(

[greyskies]

You look so young. But thats not important. Listen people are cowards. when they are being selfish, self-centered, egotistical, heartless, useless, worthless, good for nothing creeps. These people are very into themselves and they get what they want when they want it, no matter whom they hurt in the process. He doesn't care if your hurting he is living for the moment. But then the moments gone. And he will be ringing you up again. The greatest part of this whole situation is when he does come calling you will be so discussed

with him and be with someone else you deserve to be with and he wont stand a chance. Hopefully it works out that way. Just keep your head high girl and never never let him see you sweat!

[dario]

Hey Greentea,

 

I can tell you about something that happened to me just yesterday. A friend came over on sat to have a good word with me. He basically gave me a good pep talk about myself. Really rallied around me. He's an incredible person. He really showed me some sense and logic about the pain I was dealing with about my ex gf. I told him that I thought I was falling apart but I think it best if she did not know what I was experiencing. The next day I went to send an sms to my friend to thank him for his talk. I accidentally sent this very personal sms to my ex gf. I didn't even know. A moment or two later I received an sms from another number which I didn't recognise. Something silly. I just ignored it...wrong number. Later in the afternoon it I discovered that I had actually sent my sms to her instead of my friend. It clicked. She had shown this personal message to a friend of hers (I guess) and got him/her to send me this stupid message. 1) I couldn't believe that she showed this message to someone else 2) I couldn't believe that she wouldn't just discard it...or know that in whatever state I'm in it was sent incorrectly. It broadsided me. I really haven't slept much and the error was probably due to this. Such a simple mistake and the way in which she handled it with such insensitivity shocked me. That's how people are sometimes. I really car(ed) for her...thinking that I must suffer alone as not to disturb her whilst she goes through whatever she's going through. But, obviously, this is not the case. That's how people are sometimes.

[greentea]

He WAS a perfect gentleman. He WAS the nicest guy I met... I didn't realize that we will end up this way. It's a nightmare!

 

He wanted space, even if I didnt believe it would help, I gave it to him.

 

When I learned about the news yesterday, I couldnt stop crying. It felt like I have no more future, that I am alone, that I'll never be happy again. I couldnt sleep. I couldnt eat. All I ever wanted was to talk to him, to hear from him everything that I need to know and to have all my questions answered. I was even thinking of getting on the plane and go to his place. I am so scared of losing him. You always hear me say that in this thread - now it seems that I just got my confirmation. I don't have him anymore. He just disappeared. No explanations. Nothing at all for me.

 

I know he is a total jerk. But if giving him the space was really SOOOOO hard for me, worse, how can I ever get over this? I know this is not the GIVE ME SPACE thing anymore... its a confirmation that he has somebody else already and that he is not interested with me anymore.

 

How can you end four years relationship by just disappearing? How selfish and coward can one be?!!!!!!!!

[greentea]

He WAS a perfect gentleman. He WAS the nicest guy I met... I didn't realize that we will end up this way. It's a nightmare!

 

He wanted space, even if I didnt believe it would help, I gave it to him.

 

When I learned about the news yesterday, I couldnt stop crying. It felt like I have no more future, that I am alone, that I'll never be happy again. I couldnt sleep. I couldnt eat. All I ever wanted was to talk to him, to hear from him everything that I need to know and to have all my questions answered. I was even thinking of getting on the plane and go to his place. I am so scared of losing him. You always hear me say that in this thread - now it seems that I just got my confirmation. I don't have him anymore. He just disappeared. No explanations. Nothing at all for me.

 

I know he is a total jerk. But if giving him the space was really SOOOOO hard for me, worse, how can I ever get over this? I know this is not the GIVE ME SPACE thing anymore... its a confirmation that he has somebody else already and that he is not interested with me anymore.

 

How can you end four years relationship by just disappearing? How selfish and coward can one be?!!!!!!!!

 

I really need advice.... please help! :'(

[Iamhappy]

He wanted space, even if I didnt believe it would help, I gave it to him.

 

Gee, you sound just like me (a few months ago).

 

Greentea - I'm so sorry you're going through this. Nothing I say now can really make your pain or hurt go away.

 

You're ex-boyfriend sounds like a selfish jerk. He doesn't seem to have much respect for you or the relationship you've had.

 

Even if he loved you - judging by his actions - he loves himself even more.

 

What he did was cruel, callous and thoughtless. He is no friend to you. An enemy would be more honest about his motives than your ex has been.

 

Cry, grieve and cry some more. Mourn the death of the person you once knew then go on with your life. There are bigger and better things in store for you.

[greentea]

i still want him back.... how can i make him talk to me? Ive sent several SMS telling him that I just want to talk with him once and for all. I just need to know what he wants. That ive been nice to him all along and i didnt deserve this kind of treatment. that i wish he would call me up so we can just talk. i told him to not please ignore me anymore as what is happening is hurting me a lot.. and that i would feel less pain if he would just tell me what he wants.

 

No answer. Then he turned off his phone.

 

 

god, i am so helpless!

[Butterfly1]

You feel helpless because you are giving him all the power. You want to know what he wants after he has avoided you, cheated on you (since you had not officially broken up) and hasn't been honest with you. I know, I know he was a great person to you for a very long time -- but look at the person he is now. How could you ever trust him again after what he has done to you? How could ever feel secure with him knowing what he has done and what he is capable of.

 

I know its hard but you have to let him go. I know you want to have that last conversation with him -- maybe you feel you need to talk to him for closure...but what I have learned is that even after you have that conversation with him, you will have more questions, and then more. Closure will be something you will feel over time, not something you will get out of a conversation. It sounds like your exboyfriend decided to end the relationship because he was too much of a coward to tell you it to your face.

 

You have to start taking care of yourself. Read books, go out with friends, keep busy. I promise you that this pain will not last forever. Its going to take a time but you have to just love yourself and remember that time DOES heal all wounds.

[greentea]

Butterfly1: I think i have really given him too much power. With what he did, I should be the one who is ignoring him. I can't believe all the lies he told me, i cant take it that he is pursuing someone else, all when he knows I still love him a lot and would do anything to get him back. I just feel like he's not the same person and now i start questioning myself if he just "loved" me while he was here and when he got the chance to get back to his hometown... suddenly things changed.

 

I can't imagine myself being so stupid... I am a smart girl.. i know what i want but why is it that when it comes to love... i really feel so stupid!!!!

 

His in-law is trying to help me get over the pain. He talks to me and he comforts me.. he tells me to move on and that he is there to help me with whatever. He tells me that some things really change, someone gets hurt and the other gets away fine. It's just unfortunate that I was the one who was broken up with, who was ignored.

 

I feel like I want to get back on him for all the hurt he has given me... but I dont think I can manage that. I cant take it that I am here hurting a lot, feeling all the pain - and he is out there, not feeling sorry a bit for me and enjoying his life with another girl.

 

sigh...

[yes]

I feel like I want to get back on him for all the hurt he has given me... but I dont think I can manage that. I cant take it that I am here hurting a lot, feeling all the pain - and he is out there, not feeling sorry a bit for me and enjoying his life with another girl.

 

i know what that feels like, it truly sux!!! it can take a long time to get out of feeling like that. firstly, try to focus on yourself. live for yourself a bit. find things to enjoy, sway away from pain. your ex will become just another pain to sway from. secondly, try to analyze why you were attracted to him, what exactly he represented to you. thirdly, get away from everybody who mentions him, you'll need a while of not hearing/seeing/etc anything related to him (as much as that's possible).

 

i know it's hell... a big part of it is thinking (maybe not consciously): "he hurt me so much, yet i want him back. this must be love! this strong irrational feeling is amazing, i can't let go of it!" - sounds familiar at all?

 

good luck,

-yes

[greentea]

Originally posted by yes

i firstly, try to focus on yourself. live for yourself a bit. find things to enjoy, sway away from pain. your ex will become just another pain to sway from. secondly, try to analyze why you were attracted to him, what exactly he represented to you. thirdly, get away from everybody who mentions him, you'll need a while of not hearing/seeing/etc anything related to him (as much as that's possible).

 

That was a good advice yes. I really feel so much relief and comfort hearing advices from people. I just want you to know i appreciate your thoughts on my situation.

 

Thank you so much.

[greentea]

hi everyone! I just wanted to thank everyone who read my thread and helped me get through the most difficult situation in my life by far.

 

I am doing a LOT better now. I still miss him, but I realized that if he ever comes back... i dont want him back anymore. I know there is a purpose for what happened... its not very clear yet to me but I know something good is going to happen in the very near future.... i just know.

 

I still remember and miss him... but it seems I am starting to forget the "feeling."

 

[ukgirl28]

Once you have moved on a bit - its not soo bad after all is it...

 

Keep it up, you are in the right frame of mind now

[greentea]

I woke up today feeling so low and weak. I started to panic again. It hit me that I might never see him again. I thought I was over him or was in the process of healing...gosh.. I'm not sure what state I am in now.

 

Earlier today, I got a news that he is already planning to resign from his work (meaning, he will be working in his home town and not in the same place where I am --- also means, we will NEVER see each other again as he lives far away). I heard that he might be coming back here one last time to submit the letter of resignation personally. I am not sure if i want to see him when he gets here. Part of me wants to have that final talk with him and put closure to our relationship by talking seriously. But then, I am scared it might hurt me more. Yet, if I dont grab this chance, I may NEVER see him again.... ever.

 

If I choose to get that final talk ------> what if he doesnt contact me when he finally gets here. what should i do? How can i talk to him? I dont want to chase him anymore and appear needy/desperate.

 

If I choose not to get that final talk -----> will i not regret it after a few months?

 

I am confused.

[amerikajin]

It would be nice if would could always wrap up a relationship the way we could a package, all nice and neat. The reality is, it rarely ever works that way. In his mind, there's already closure. You're the one who has to have closure.

 

You don't have to have final words with him to have closure. Just move on. He's already made a decision to move on with his life. You should do the same.

 

Easier said than done, I know.

[Prettyangel]

Greentea......I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this. I know your pain to well because I used to do the same.

 

Now I like to tell you this much.......LET GO AND LET GOD! The more you run after him, the more you want to manipulate to see him , be with him, beg him , the more he will run.

 

Letting go is the hardest thing anyone will do. It is not something that we naturally know of but we have to learn it.

 

There are wonderful books out that you can get and you can learn from.

 

Let's look at your behavior for a moment. Why is it that you have given this guy so much power over you? What is going on with YOU? Forget about him for now all together ok.

 

Do you love yourself? I mean really love yourself? If you did you would not spend one second living in such pain.

 

Have you ever heard of Codependency? We all are that in some small ways, healthy ways, however when someone behaves the way you do there is alarm that maybe you are in trouble.

 

All the words, all the advice here won't do you any good. I know you may not want to hear this but don't you think it is worse exploring?

 

Look at yourself. Find out who the inner child in you is and why she is so sad. Listen to the inner.........than work on YOU.

 

If this guy truly loves you, and you do your homework, meaning , working on YOU. He will be back. I promisse you that he won't be back if you continue the way you are doing.

 

Letting go doesen't mean you stop loving or caring for him. You are not his mother to remind him to take his medicen or to remind him of anything he is responsible for. Guys do not like that I promisse you! Guys are hunters! and if you hunt them, the interest is gone.

 

I know you are hurting however take that hurt and turn it around to your advantage. What do you have to loose?

 

You have to be completely in love with you, live your life and be super happy, have a HP in your life and live carefree and healthy. Build up your selfesteem and you be surprised what happens in your life.

 

You have a lot of work to do. I do not know how old you are but no matter what age, we all go through the same things when it comes to love.

[greentea]

Prettyangel: I would like to thank you for your time and for the advice you just posted. I am 26 years old and it was my first relationship so I really had no idea how to cope with heartaches. It was difficult for me to accept that my ex who I thought was a perfect gentleman did all those things to me without considering how I would feel. He was so ungrateful of my love and of all my care. You are right. I should do some soul searching and focus on loving myself now. Thank you so much for letting me realize a lot of things.

 

Update: Up to this time, I have not received a word from him. My friends would tell me to just let go and move on. They told me that one day he will come back for the "unfinished business." But you know what, I have already decided to let go of him and move on cos even if he comes back, I don't trust him anymore so there is no point in getting back together.

 

They say, experience is the best teacher. That is right. From the very start, a lot of people have been advising me to stop contacting him to save myself some dignity. But because I really loved him and would do anything to get him back, I did not listen (or if I did, it was too difficult for me so even if i tried soooo hard, I failed a lot of times with the No Contacting rule).

 

From that relationship, I learned a lot of things. I learned most of the things I know now the hard way. There is joy and there is pain in loving. I learned to accept the verdict of reality - that i should not be bitter or feel sorry for myself for I will be better off giving that love to someone more deserving.

 

I hope I'll be able to get up and move on from the deep pit where I am now.

[carra]

green tea, i think you already have. You should be proud of yourself for getting through one of the most difficult tests in life and love. Your maturity and wisdom has increased soo much since your first post. you are going to be just fine. God will reward you with a wonderful man who deserves you.

Keep thinking positive, and focus on loving you. God bless you.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

I am 26 years old and it was my first relationship so I really had no idea how to cope with heartaches

 

well from my experience of 3 relationships nothing can prepare you for a heartbreak, in my experience they have actually got worse, i actually can't believe how messed up i am because of this latest one

 

you can't really learn to cope at all, it is horrible, i am in complete shock as to how bad it has lately affected me

 

[snilljente]

So many of us are dealing with the same thing....I consider myself to be a strong, independent, professional woman, but a guy who I was dating and seemed incredibly special has just blown me off....I am now a blubbering fool, sending him messages all of the time, practically begging him to contact me.....I struggle with waiting to see if he comes back (granted I am actually able to stop messaging him all of the time and give him space) and the anger that I feel that he has "risked" losing what we had...I mean, can someone REALLY love you, if they were willing to lose you by suddenly blowing you off for a period of time...or am I just unrealistic to think that a guy would never do that.....he told me that he needs space and that it's not me...but isn't ignoring my messages just plain cruel?