Its killing me

[XKatieX]

My ex sent me a message bascially telling me he knew things weren't the same anymore. And how even if he wanted it to work out it wouldn't because he got a new job as a manger and now works everyday all day pretty much so he couldn't see me because its a LDR. He also said it wasn't goodbye that he'd probably see me again ( he means online) but he did not want to know if I ever found someone else. I just don't know what to do, I mean I can't tell you how bad this hurts me...wanting something so bad that you just can't have. But should I continue talking to him, even though it will really hurt me? He said he didn't think there was anything left and he thought I felt that way too, but the truth is I don't..I will always feel for him.

I also wasn't sure if this was the right section or not, because it is a LDR but also a breakup.

[hoping2heal]

Do I think you should put yourself in a situation that is going to drag you down, put you in daily and constant emotional pain, and more or less f*ck with your own head? No, I don't see what good is going to come of that.

[AnnPod]

Hello Katie,

 

first of all you should decide if you still wanna fight for this guy or not.

 

Since you don't have anything to lose anyway, why don't you just clarify the situation: You still love him, you never wanted to break up, but you don't wanna be his friend. He still talks to you, so ask him, if he still loves you or what it is he actually wants. Say you give him the time to make up his mind, but if he does not decide to come back to you, or if there is really nothing but friendship from his side and it's not gonna change, you wanna quit talking and meeting online and any kind of communication completely.

 

If you really try to get him back, be prepared for some painful process, but if you think you can't handle this situation (very reasonable), you should quit communication completely.

 

I have been in a similar situation once, it worked out in my case, but I can tell you I was a mess for 5 months.

 

Good luck.

[Rollercoasterr]

If you do decide to fight for him, be prepared for a long battle. I decided to fight for my now fiance, and we were seperated for 4 years. But our difference was that we were always in love with each other, but with other people and not sure that the other felt the same. But it was hard. I'm sorry you'd have to go through this.

 

But I do agree with hoping2heal. It's not healthy, it could end up only hurting you in the end, and it WILL mess with your head. It's not a good idea at all.

[XKatieX]

If you do decide to fight for him, be prepared for a long battle. I decided to fight for my now fiance, and we were seperated for 4 years. But our difference was that we were always in love with each other, but with other people and not sure that the other felt the same. But it was hard. I'm sorry you'd have to go through this.

 

But I do agree with hoping2heal. It's not healthy, it could end up only hurting you in the end, and it WILL mess with your head. It's not a good idea at all.

 

Yeah. I am going to ask him if he wants to still work with this im willing to wait as long it takes for him even if it means we wont be able to see each other for a while. The good thing is, is that we've always pretty much had each other theres never been anyone else in the picture,after almost 2 months of not being together we're both still single. But if he ends up saying that he really doesn't want to work on things then I will have to cut off contact, if I dont I will spend the rest of my life holding on to him and hoping there was a chance for us..and that thinking will not help me heal if thats the case.

[Rollercoasterr]

Yeah. I am going to ask him if he wants to still work with this im willing to wait as long it takes for him even if it means we wont be able to see each other for a while. The good thing is, is that we've always pretty much had each other theres never been anyone else in the picture,after almost 2 months of not being together we're both still single. But if he ends up saying that he really doesn't want to work on things then I will have to cut off contact, if I dont I will spend the rest of my life holding on to him and hoping there was a chance for us..and that thinking will not help me heal if thats the case.

 

 

Well in my case, it was like a psycho told him she would kill herself if he didn't break up with me for her, and she did some really questionable things. He's the type of person that doesn't want anything to happen to anyone so he did it. Completely loveless situation. And then there's me. I started dating a guy to help me get over Mathew, and ended up staying with him for 4 years. Same for Mathew. There were only the two people. And sometimes when he and I would talk in spurts we would get lovey dovey again and that kept me holding on. It was a very confusing and torturing time for me. Honestly I still feel the pain of what he did to this day. I'm not excusing it, nor will I ever and he knows that. Some days are worse than others for me. But if I'm being honest I had my wrongs in our past relationship. There were things I could have done and said to let him know how much I loved him. He told me once that he didn't know that I felt as deeply for him as he did for me.

 

I don't regret my decision to wait for him because I knew in my heart that things were going to work out. You need to take some time to yourself and look within your heart for your decision. No amount of what we say here can make this any easier for you. I do encourage you to be honest with yourself and start a blog or a journal so that you can get your thoughts out. Sometimes it's easier to think when you're looking at your situation written down.

 

Good luck sweetie.