Awesome Username Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Hi everyone! So I was at a coffee shop the other day and was too shy to go up to a cute guy, and at the same time an adorable dude I met on the bus that got my number called me (he's called be a few times) but AGAIN I was too afraid to pick up. I have been known to be kinda rude to cute guys, because my nerves are buzzin'. Poor fellas, it's not their fault I think that I've got to admit to myself that I have guy anxiety. I love the idea of flirting and having someone yummy to be with, but in reality when the situation presents itself I turn yellow and run for the hills/tense up. This is really dumb because in real life I'm SUPER outgoing and friendly, and I'm sure noone would expect me to be such a wussy with guys. I am friends with a lot of guys and I am really comfortable and talkative to my guy friends, but when I sense attraction it's fight or flight! The only guys I've ever dated, I was in school with or I formerly worked with - AKA I got to know them for at least three months, five days a week before I would even consider KISSNG them. I don't think I could just meet a guy twice and make out with him, which is basically what dating is. I've been cool with being single for so long that it just seems like it would be super complicated to get into a relationship or feel rushed physically with a guy. Whenever the opportunity presents itself, old insecurities pop up and I'm like, "Thanks, but no thanks." and always make up excuses. I'm so used to saying it that now I'm wondering if I'm letting some good opportunities slip through my fingers. I'm sure I would never tell this to someone in real life. Link to post Share on other sites
Yukikazi Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Congratulations.. You now know how most guys feel when they aren't naturally good with women. Approach Anxiety is the major issue for most guys.. Allot of women don't quite understand it as they don't have to approach guys themselves. Other then that.. all I can say is.."Welcome to the club.. sucks don't it" Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Other then that.. all I can say is.."Welcome to the club.. sucks don't it" She'll start posting about how she called/texted/emailed, then get all stressed and worried because he didn't reply (within 5 minutes). :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Author Awesome Username Posted December 10, 2009 Author Share Posted December 10, 2009 She'll start posting about how she called/texted/emailed, then get all stressed and worried because he didn't reply (within 5 minutes). :lmao: Hahahahaha!!! I'm not gonna call back someone who has called a few times and I haven't responded to, because it would be awkward after that amount of time. But in the future if I find a guy that I'm nuts over and I *DO* text him, I'll be sure to come to LS and say "OH MY GOD WHY IS HE NOT CALLING BACK?!?!" Even though I'm super guilty of not calling back myself. I promise. It's got to be confusing because I give my number out, and there is no answer. I wish there was a way for them to know that it's not that they're unappealing or unattractive, but I just , erase the message and don't respond. Link to post Share on other sites
Pizzaman81 Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Hi everyone! So I was at a coffee shop the other day and was too shy to go up to a cute guy, and at the same time an adorable dude I met on the bus that got my number called me (he's called be a few times) but AGAIN I was too afraid to pick up. I have been known to be kinda rude to cute guys, because my nerves are buzzin'. Poor fellas, it's not their fault I think that I've got to admit to myself that I have guy anxiety. I love the idea of flirting and having someone yummy to be with, but in reality when the situation presents itself I turn yellow and run for the hills/tense up. This is really dumb because in real life I'm SUPER outgoing and friendly, and I'm sure noone would expect me to be such a wussy with guys. I am friends with a lot of guys and I am really comfortable and talkative to my guy friends, but when I sense attraction it's fight or flight! The only guys I've ever dated, I was in school with or I formerly worked with - AKA I got to know them for at least three months, five days a week before I would even consider KISSNG them. I don't think I could just meet a guy twice and make out with him, which is basically what dating is. I've been cool with being single for so long that it just seems like it would be super complicated to get into a relationship or feel rushed physically with a guy. Whenever the opportunity presents itself, old insecurities pop up and I'm like, "Thanks, but no thanks." and always make up excuses. I'm so used to saying it that now I'm wondering if I'm letting some good opportunities slip through my fingers. I'm sure I would never tell this to someone in real life. So you go out, looking hot, attracting cute guys. They come over, ask for your number, you give it to them. They call. Now you have gotten yourself in a situation you cannot handle, what do you do? Just follow these simple steps: 1. Say to yourself "I am the messiah", I am great. I have a cool job, confident, great looking. THEY come to ME. 2. Answer the phone 3. Act happy and excited but not overly Call me if you need any more help. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Anxiety is normal. But you have everything it takes to get a great guy. Maybe not the very first great guy you come across. But your personality is great and you're definitely attractive. You probably just need to make yourself a bit more available and plenty of guys will be offering to fill your free time. Link to post Share on other sites
kimflute26 Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 I agree with the above except the "I am the Messiah" part.... hehe Link to post Share on other sites
Author Awesome Username Posted December 10, 2009 Author Share Posted December 10, 2009 So you go out, looking hot, attracting cute guys. They come over, ask for your number, you give it to them. They call. Now you have gotten yourself in a situation you cannot handle, what do you do? Just follow these simple steps: 1. Say to yourself "I am the messiah", I am great. I have a cool job, confident, great looking. THEY come to ME. 2. Answer the phone 3. Act happy and excited but not overly Call me if you need any more help. Yeeeah, sorta lost that cool job I had about 2 weeks ago because I needed more coding experience. Hence, ActionScript tutorials. and I guess that's a catch 22 - my work always takes up SO much time but when I'm out of work, I'm out of work. I was looking up code books at borders and a coder guy had hearts over his head. We talked and we had the same VPN key code, and lol so I gave out my number. I lost the job, and he called me asking if I wanted to go to dinner. I never called back because didn't want to admit that the regarding the only thing we had in common (tech work), the force wasn't with me anymore. But I guess with people who could care less that I'm getting an unemployment check (shrudder), I might try to be a little more brave. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Don't feel pressured because you feel that you have to make out with someone after only two dates. If that makes you uncomfortable and you would prefer to go slow, then let the guy know that is how you're feeling, but make sure you tell him that or he'll think you're not interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Awesome Username Posted December 10, 2009 Author Share Posted December 10, 2009 Don't feel pressured because you feel that you have to make out with someone after only two dates. If that makes you uncomfortable and you would prefer to go slow, then let the guy know that is how you're feeling, but make sure you tell him that or he'll think you're not interested. Yeah, being upfront about the issue would alleviate a lot of problems of awkwardness later on. It's always weird for me to do any sort of "relationship talk" in person, but I just gotta get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Awesome Username Posted December 10, 2009 Author Share Posted December 10, 2009 Anxiety is normal. But you have everything it takes to get a great guy. Maybe not the very first great guy you come across. But your personality is great and you're definitely attractive. You probably just need to make yourself a bit more available and plenty of guys will be offering to fill your free time. D'aww, thanks for the self esteem boost Johan. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Yeah, being upfront about the issue would alleviate a lot of problems of awkwardness later on. It's always weird for me to do any sort of "relationship talk" in person, but I just gotta get over it. Yes you do. Communication is key in any type of relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 (edited) Hahahahaha!!! I'm not gonna call back someone who has called a few times and I haven't responded to, because it would be awkward after that amount of time. But in the future if I find a guy that I'm nuts over and I *DO* text him, I'll be sure to come to LS and say "OH MY GOD WHY IS HE NOT CALLING BACK?!?!" Even though I'm super guilty of not calling back myself. I promise. It's got to be confusing because I give my number out, and there is no answer. I wish there was a way for them to know that it's not that they're unappealing or unattractive, but I just , erase the message and don't respond. Well guys will figure that out and just stop contacting you. Some girls just give out random phone numbers to give the guy an ego boost or just to make him go away. Edited December 10, 2009 by jerbear Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Feel for you AU. It's a difficult place to be. Have you considered something lower key? i.e. Asking the time? Or for directions? Something really really common that most people wouldn't think twice about. The trick here is to approach the person you find attractive and *speak*. That's it. That's the end goal. Walk up, ask for X.. leave. The reason this drill is useful is that it gets you used to breaking the ice with people you don't know. It also gives you a chance to observe their body language when they first lay eyes on you. I think a lot of people are lost in their own little worlds these days, so often it's difficult to make that initial connection. By approaching them for something common place, you put yourself straight in their line of vision. I'm sure just about every guy on LS can relate to your sitution Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
purgatori Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Guys are neither 'yummy', nor 'cute.' Link to post Share on other sites
Author Awesome Username Posted December 10, 2009 Author Share Posted December 10, 2009 Guys are neither 'yummy', nor 'cute.' Score! I need more lesbians in my threads! Link to post Share on other sites
Yukikazi Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Score! I need more lesbians in my threads! Because lesbians are so good at picking up men? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Awesome Username Posted December 10, 2009 Author Share Posted December 10, 2009 Because lesbians are so good at picking up men? Wellll....noooo....... Maybe I'm just excited because at the last lesbian dance club I went to, I got to dance with a giant gumby. It was the best thing in the universe. But no, Lesbians aren't usually that adept at picking up men. Link to post Share on other sites
Yukikazi Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Wellll....noooo....... Maybe I'm just excited because at the last lesbian dance club I went to, I got to dance with a giant gumby. It was the best thing in the universe. But no, Lesbians aren't usually that adept at picking up men. Gumby was a lesbian? I mean I always figured pokey was gay.. but never pictured Gumby as a muff diver Link to post Share on other sites
purgatori Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 (edited) Wellll....noooo....... Maybe I'm just excited because at the last lesbian dance club I went to, I got to dance with a giant gumby. It was the best thing in the universe. But no, Lesbians aren't usually that adept at picking up men. Lesbians are disinterested in men because they have superior taste to straight women and gay men, so the question of being 'adept' or 'inept' at picking up said foul creatures doesn't enter into it. I think Seinfeld's Elaine said it best: Elaine: Well, the female body is a... work of art. The male body is utilitarian, it's for gettin' around, like a jeep. Elaine: It's hideous. The hair, the... the lumpiness. It's simian. George: Well, some women like it. Elaine: Mmm. Sickies. Edited December 10, 2009 by purgatori Link to post Share on other sites
Pizzaman81 Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Yeeeah, sorta lost that cool job I had about 2 weeks ago because I needed more coding experience. Hence, ActionScript tutorials. Wait WHAA?!? Sorry to hear that! Wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Pizzaman81 Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 But I can see how losing a job can give you lack of confidence and such. But you shouldn't feel down. People who are understanding will be mature enough and understand what you are going through and won't judge you cuz of that! MAN UP! or WOMAN UP! whatever:D Link to post Share on other sites
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