SeventhBase Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 People who have read my other post know what I'm talking about. After dragging this saga since the beginning of October, I have decided: to hell with the consequences, I'm going to confess my desire for this one girl, and I'm going to get answers. She's got about two days left in this area, and then she'll be gone for a very long time. For those who need a catch-up, basically a girl and I had been flirting in the beginning of October. Then I found out she had a boyfriend. Never got a real answer as to why she never told me. But tried to be friends with her, except I had already fallen for her. To add onto the complication, she's behaved quite erratically around/towards me, wanting nothing to do with me one moment and being unable to stop talking (and laughing and smiling) the next. I had suspected that she might harbor feelings in return, and that's what was keeping me from just forgetting about her entirely. (Not to mention the friendship/rapport we built up.) So after we finish our academic troubles, I'm going to take the two-day window that I still have access to her, and not only confess my feelings (the easier part), but also get some answers from her: How she feels about me, our friendship, and why she was never straightforward with me about her boyfriend. I want these questions answered, but at the same time I don't want to pressure her too much that she chickens out entirely. So my confidant and I sorted out all the potential paths the conversation can take me, so I'm relatively prepared on that front. If she's not interested and never was, that's fine - I get my closure. If she's demonstrated a willingness to move forward with a relationship (and dump her current guy in the process), also clinches things in a way I'd prefer. And if she's really just unsure... I keep on pushing her until she can give a proper answer. I'm laying a choice down for her: Him or me. (If you find anything wrong with this approach, tell me!) The hard part is this: Getting her to meet with me in the first place... and the proper venue for the confession. Since an ultimatum is involved, I'm thinking of this like how to conduct a proper breakup. No, it's not the same, but it's similar enough. That's why proper environment is important. She's given me two options: Either Thursday night right after her last exam, which is not guaranteed (some friends want to take her out clubbing - typical), or Friday during the daytime, which is not easy for me but I'll make it possible. She said "if you're on campus"... so I guess she's willing to go out. Maybe. And then there's the matter of where. At night, there's more of a pressure to do something romantic (like at a restaurant), but I'd rather we have a chill environment. Daytime, there's the advantage of the café and art gallery open. And then there's the matter of how many people will be there. Should there be a lot of people to keep her from making a scene, or should we be relatively isolated? As you can see, I've still got some questions concerning this issue still! If anyone has had experience in this regard, please help me out. I'd like to be confident in what I'll be doing by evening tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
Miko Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 The only thing I would say is that I believe that girls/women with boyfriends be treated as if the boyfriend does not exist. If, or rather, when she responds with 'but I have a boyfriend' I would just look at her and say very seriously, "I know that" which if said properly will immediately convey that you don't care and that you want her to leave him. I've come to believe in my old age (28) that if they haven't been dating for a long time then the boyfriend is probably just 'another boyfriend.' Also, if they HAVE been dating for several years or more and they haven't gotten engaged, married or at least talked seriously about it, then she's probably a little pissed about it and she probably is starting to wonder if he is serious, which he's probably not. These days, if you find a good woman, you marry her. You take the time to make sure you know who she is, but once you know, you marry her. So, moral of the story, ignore boyfriends. Other guys will do it to you. I would NEVER even use the word. If she doesn't talk about him, or talk on the phone WITH him all the time there's no reason to believe that he's special. Good luck bro. Go get her, and remember, don't act like a wuss. Say your piece, keep it short, don't ramble on. Shut up, let her think about it for a second, a minute, or until the place kicks you out and don't say anything until she responds. Just look her in the eyes Link to post Share on other sites
someotherguy Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Love is war, and if you follow this strategy you no longer have the right to be angry, hurt, or jealous when any of your future girlfriends do this to you, or when other guys hit on your girlfriend regardless of your existence. Fair warning. Link to post Share on other sites
Miko Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 I somewhat agree with the last dude. You have a right to be angry, jealous or whatever, you just don't have the right to kick the other guys a$$ that's all. Yes, it is war, treat it as such. Good one 'someotherguy' Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 If she wasn't straightforward with you to begin with, what makes you think she'll do it now? Since she's going away for a long time, dropping the feelings bomb now is a sure way for this to end in disaster. Don't be a pussy and pull this move in a public place just so she can't make a scene. If you want the best shot at getting her true response, which I assure you that you won't get what you want, then you have to do it with just you and her alone. Best of luck in starting this train wreck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SeventhBase Posted December 10, 2009 Author Share Posted December 10, 2009 The only thing I would say is that I believe that girls/women with boyfriends be treated as if the boyfriend does not exist. If, or rather, when she responds with 'but I have a boyfriend' I would just look at her and say very seriously, "I know that" which if said properly will immediately convey that you don't care and that you want her to leave him. I've come to believe in my old age (28) that if they haven't been dating for a long time then the boyfriend is probably just 'another boyfriend.' Also, if they HAVE been dating for several years or more and they haven't gotten engaged, married or at least talked seriously about it, then she's probably a little pissed about it and she probably is starting to wonder if he is serious, which he's probably not. These days, if you find a good woman, you marry her. You take the time to make sure you know who she is, but once you know, you marry her. So, moral of the story, ignore boyfriends. Other guys will do it to you. I would NEVER even use the word. If she doesn't talk about him, or talk on the phone WITH him all the time there's no reason to believe that he's special. Good luck bro. Go get her, and remember, don't act like a wuss. Say your piece, keep it short, don't ramble on. Shut up, let her think about it for a second, a minute, or until the place kicks you out and don't say anything until she responds. Just look her in the eyes Thanks for the encouragement. I've got contradictory advice, but I've taken yours into account as well. They've been together for about a year and a half now (I extrapolated), but they're actually long-distance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SeventhBase Posted December 10, 2009 Author Share Posted December 10, 2009 If she wasn't straightforward with you to begin with, what makes you think she'll do it now? Since she's going away for a long time, dropping the feelings bomb now is a sure way for this to end in disaster. Don't be a pussy and pull this move in a public place just so she can't make a scene. If you want the best shot at getting her true response, which I assure you that you won't get what you want, then you have to do it with just you and her alone. Best of luck in starting this train wreck. And thanks for your help, too! Remember - I'm really past the stage of giving a **** about consequences. Ending in disaster? I just want this to ****in' end! Better ideas, genius? Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 They've been together for about a year and a half now (I extrapolated), but they're actually long-distance. Miko's post was DEAD ON. Someotherguy is right too -- Love Is War and To The Victor Goeth The Spoils. She IS vulnerable. There are naturally things that are missing in an LDR and you have THOSE in your favor. You are right there in person - looking in her eyes - physical generousness and chivalry will go along way and they are EASY. Good Luck to you - May the best man win. (Lucky Girl) Link to post Share on other sites
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