4givrnt4gtr Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 How do you tell someone who refuses to accept that he likes you that you dont see him like that? I feel so bad that my friend keeps saying things and trying really hard to convince me he might be good for me but doing it in a kind of under the table type of thing. The worst part is that some part of me wants to force him to accept it, so I keep enticing him to say and do things that make it obvious, i guess to the point where he cant deny it anymore. At this point, from my point of view and those who know us, is just way too obvious. I guess actually it was obvious to everyone else but me for a long time, but now its kinda ridiculous. I dont want to hurt him....i really wish i could like him and sometimes i think i might be able to...but he isnt being honest or straight forward, and then sometimes the things he says and does just makes me SO aware he just isnt who i want. What can i do? how can I first discourage him from trying to convince me, and then how can I stop myself from wanting him to try to convince me.... I feel so bad when I see him do things that Im starting to think he isnt even aware he is doing.....at this point he is starting to look desperate, all the while denying he wants anything with me..... Sad days Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Oh good grief.... Yes, sad, but not in the way you mean.... Stop playing mind games to boost your own ego. Just tell him straight - "Look, I know we keep hedging around the fact that you're into me, and want to get it on, but - you know that's never going to happen, right? I mean, I am just a friend. I don't aim on being anything else, and all this is just fun and banter - but you're not serious are you? I mean, you're kidding, right? because if you're not, then you need a reality check, wake-up call or whatever....but you have two Hopes here: Bob Hope and No Hope.... There is no way on this planet that you and I are ever gonna be an item, and that's a be all and end to it - ok? How about a coffee?" Simple. get it out, get it over and done with, and stop yanking his chain and jerking him around for your own end. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Be up front with him, then avoid him for a while. Even if you are up front with him but continue to be around him, he won't get over his feelings and in a few months you will be right back here. If the "friendship" was strong enough, it'll survive a few months of no contact while the both of you get your heads straight. Whose feelings are you trying to protect? Yours or his? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted December 10, 2009 Author Share Posted December 10, 2009 [quote=WTRanger;2532926 If the "friendship" was strong enough, it'll survive a few months of no contact while the both of you get your heads straight. Whose feelings are you trying to protect? Yours or his? ive tried that. Last year we didnt talk for...5 months. I told him i couldnt continue with our friendship given what had happened, what he kept saying and that my boyfriend then was not comfortable with us hanging out. Today we had a long talk about what we wanted in relationships etc. We both want a lot of the same things, which is why i think he might be confused. But i also kept repeating that he WILL find a girl that will fit him just fine, just as I will find a good man who will fit me fine too. We discussed what we were willing to compromise in a relationship and what we wouldnt. turns out he wants a strong Christian girl, I, although am Christian, I definitely am not a very strong, church going one, so I reinforce that he should stick to that and look for what he truly wants. I also tried to tell him what I need in a man (which he doesnt have) but unfortunately we couldnt continue the conversation... ...I think we're gonna be ok after all Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 ive tried that. Last year we didnt talk for...5 months. I told him i couldnt continue with our friendship given what had happened, what he kept saying and that my boyfriend then was not comfortable with us hanging out. Today we had a long talk about what we wanted in relationships etc. We both want a lot of the same things, which is why i think he might be confused. But i also kept repeating that he WILL find a girl that will fit him just fine, just as I will find a good man who will fit me fine too. We discussed what we were willing to compromise in a relationship and what we wouldnt. turns out he wants a strong Christian girl, I, although am Christian, I definitely am not a very strong, church going one, so I reinforce that he should stick to that and look for what he truly wants. I also tried to tell him what I need in a man (which he doesnt have) but unfortunately we couldnt continue the conversation... ...I think we're gonna be ok after all I doubt that this is over. Since you didn't finish the conversation, there are still things left unsaid which he will in turn use to continue to pursue you. You'll let him do this, becuase it's fun to know someone is ga-ga over you. It's a nice ego boost. As long as you are in his sights, he will never find the girl that fits him. Either this guy is one of the densest people on this planet, or you are telling him he's not the one yet continue to flirt like hell with him and/or keep him in the stand-in boyfriend role. You should just tell him that once you find another guy you are just going to drop him like a bad habit. Because in all honesty, that is what is going to happen. That's why it was so easy for you not to talk to him for 5 months. You had your attention from other sources. When that well dried up, you went back to what you know would be an endless source. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted December 11, 2009 Author Share Posted December 11, 2009 As long as you are in his sights, he will never find the girl that fits him. Either this guy is one of the densest people on this planet, or you are telling him he's not the one yet continue to flirt like hell with him and/or keep him in the stand-in boyfriend role. You should just tell him that once you find another guy you are just going to drop him like a bad habit. Because in all honesty, that is what is going to happen. That's why it was so easy for you not to talk to him for 5 months. You had your attention from other sources. When that well dried up, you went back to what you know would be an endless source. hmmmm. Ive thought of all those things you've said here...and i mean all of it. I feel bad that its fun to have him like me, even when he doesnt accept it. But i also know is really messed up. I have told him in every way that Im not interested in him that way, Ive even helped him better his skills to communicate in relationships, give him pointers as to what to do in his date on saturday (apparently he asked a girl out rthe day after I told him i would not be having sex with him for the fun of it). Now he is saying he might cancel it... And I really dont flirt with him, in fact I dont even call him so as to not give him the wrong idea. He called me out on that saying that if it wasnt for him we wouldnt be friends because i never call or ask to hang out. So, honestly, I think part of it is that he isnt used to being told "no" by a girl. He is very good looking and is used to have any girl he wants, so me saying no to him makes it a challenge i think. The whole not talking to him for five months was mostly his doing. After I said I couldnt be friends with him due to what he was saying and other stuff, and after he pleaded with me for a while we stopped talking. I missed him a lot since we've been friends for over 5 years so after like a month I tried to reconnect and he would have none of it. He ignored all my calls, etc (i actually wrote about that here as well). I even started thinking i liked him....but he kept rejecting me. After a while i gave up and months later he came back around. I honestly have no idea what the future of our friendship really is. Im actually moving away next year, and I dont know how or if we're gonna keep being friends given our history. WHen he moved (to the same area im moving now, ironically), we were able to keep in touch and thats when his feelings seemed to intensified. But now that all this has happened, Im not really sure what will be the status of our friendship...its really confusing actually Link to post Share on other sites
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