Is it acceptable for the MM to send W a text when you are with him?

[Midnight Rider]

If MM having a wife is acceptable, and if keeping the affair a secret from his wife is acceptable, then communicating with her even when he's visiting you has to be acceptable. You really have no choice or risk getting caught.

 

That's what you sign up for in an affair. If it's not acceptable to you, then neither is an affair.

 

Very well said! I have no sympathy for OP in this case.

[Midnight Rider]

To be honest.. I don't mind.. most of my MMs will tell me if they are expecting a phone call, either from their W or their kids.. it's OK with me.. I know they have family obligations..

 

We never know.. that phone call could be extremely important.. and it's not my 'place' to tell him NOT to answer his calls..

 

They are all respectful in that manner that they don't hold a loong conversation... they know their time with me is limited.. anyway..

 

Uumm from other post/threads I've read here, aren't you a callgirl or escort? I fail to see how the "MM" in your lifestyle equate with the scenario the OP is illustrating. When guys pay you $$ to have sex with you, it's a little different. But it's sure funny to hear you chime into into conversations with your perspective.

Edited December 11, 2009 by Midnight Rider

[Lizzie60]

Uumm from other post/threads I've read here, aren't you a callgirl or escort? I fail to see how the "MM" in your lifestyle equate with the scenario the OP is illustrating. When guys pay you $$ to have sex with you, it's a little different. But it's sure funny to hear you chime into into conversations with your perspective.

 

 

Nope.. I was talking about my MM from work.. who absolutely has no idea of my lifestyle.. we work together..

[Lizzie60]

Oh and I should add... that he does the same thing from home... sometimes we text all evening... him sitting in the same room as her.. watching TV... once he texted me all evening while he had guests.. his in-laws or something.. we had 'BB sex'...

 

He texts me a lot more when he's with her than the other way around.. It happened a few times where he didn't answer.. (obviously couldn't talk ).. and later tells her that he was in a meeting.. she calls him about 10 times a day..

[donnamaybe]

Oh and I should add... that he does the same thing from home... sometimes we text all evening... him sitting in the same room as her.. watching TV... once he texted me all evening while he had guests.. his in-laws or something.. we had 'BB sex'...

 

He texts me a lot more when he's with her than the other way around.. It happened a few times where he didn't answer.. (obviously couldn't talk ).. and later tells her that he was in a meeting.. she calls him about 10 times a day..

 

What an incredibly rude person.

[OWoman]

If MM having a wife is acceptable, and if keeping the affair a secret from his wife is acceptable, then communicating with her even when he's visiting you has to be acceptable. You really have no choice or risk getting caught.

 

That's what you sign up for in an affair. If it's not acceptable to you, then neither is an affair.

 

I disagree completely! I was never treated with such disrespect by ANY MM, nor would I have accepted it! It's certainly NOT "what you sign up for" in an A - and anyone who agrees to be treated so poorly is with the wrong guy!

 

Is it acceptable for the MM to text the OW when he is with the wife??

 

I've certainly had many MMs do that, but then, if they really respected their Ws, would they be shagging someone else on the side?

[Lizzie60]

What an incredibly rude person.

 

 

I know.. I told him that..

[Lizzie60]

Thing is.. when a MM is very much 'in love' with his OW.. he doesn't really care if he text his OW from home.. he says he just can't stay 'away' for too long.. plus he doesn't answer most of the time.. it happened a few times.. when we first started.. now he simply tell her that he didn't pick up because he was in a meeting.. (he's in high management, so he's in meetings most of the time anyway).. and now she's working outside so the phone calls have dropped a lot.

 

In my case, I don't care if they answer their phone.. these guys have kids.. and who knows what the call is about.. but that's me.. I don't see any disrespect in that..

 

Last Saturday.. my 'scout dad' told me he was 'expecting' an important call from one of his kids.. it's OK with me.. I'm not that stupid as to put myself before his kids..

[donnamaybe]

I know.. I told him that..

 

Good for you!!!

[donnamaybe]

I disagree completely! I was never treated with such disrespect by ANY MM, nor would I have accepted it! It's certainly NOT "what you sign up for" in an A - and anyone who agrees to be treated so poorly is with the wrong guy!

 

Actually, some people DO "sign up" for it or we wouldn't be reading posts by people in affairs that have lasted year after year in which they are sooo unhappy but unable to break loose. Some refuse to, and good for them. Some are willing, albeit unhappy, victims to people like this. They have all the power in the world to refuse to be treated as such, but stay and continue to take it over and over.

[MSUE]

of course it is appropriate...it is his/her w/h...wether we like it or not they #1...OW/OM are second to that...thats just the way this game works

 

specially if they have kids together...it may bothr or hurt u...but thats the way it is when u are 2nd

[gopher]

This is kind of the key issue, is it not? The wife is not aware, but the OW is. Just goes to show how entirely different these two relationships are. One is built on honesty, the other on lies.

 

LOL!!! This cracked me up. Thanks for the laugh Jennie.

 

On topic, of course he should be able to answer texts, and calls from whoever.

[skylarblue]

Is it acceptable for a MM to talk to his W when with the OW? Wow. You know, its weird that simple questions like this that basically has the MM asking/needing permission for things concerning his W really blows me away. I think EVERYTHING is acceptable for a MM to do where his W is concerned. IT’S HIS W. I wouldn’t dare have the audacity to tell my MM it’s not acceptable to answer a call/text. Not only because it would look suspicious if he didn’t, but because it’s not my place to do so. IMO, if a MM’s affair is a secret the W is always on a higher hierarchy level and the OW really doesn’t have grounds to be upset. Gosh, my MM should put in my place so quickly if I even had the nerve. Only twice did my MM not answer his W’s call while with me and that was only after 4yrs of dating. I was totally shocked and I took/take it as a compliment because I look at it as like “okay, for this instance I’m putting you on the same level as my W”. Maybe that’s why some OW have a problem with it. They may look at it as the MM, who says how important she is to him, putting her at a lower importance as the W. IDK, I’ve just always thought there’s a clear line - the A is between me and my MM, the M is between my MM and his W.

 

Originally Posted by Lizzie60

He even answered once.. He was talking to her.. (kept if short though) ... WHILE I was giving him oral..

Ditto. Glad you said it. I’m sure I’d been jumped all over if I said it first.

[torranceshipman]

If the MM speaks to his W on the phone when he is with the OW, he is being disrespectful, lying and hurting either: the W, the OW, or both. Plus, he's showing himself to be a liar.

 

It depends if the OW is okay with seeing a person (the MM) lie, or seeing a person disrespect them directly, or disrespect someone else (the W), in front of them. If none of those things bother the OW then I guess, in actual fact, as far as the OW is concerned, then no harm done (to her, or the MM, but still, lots of harm done to the W, so it is still wrong).

[fooled once]

OW and GEL make excellent points --- it should be stated at the beginning of ANY relationship what the expectations are.

 

Unfortunately, in many affairs, the OW's wants and needs come behind everything and unfortunately, so many OW put up with that. They wouldn't tolerate that disrespect from a single guy but for some reason, OW tolerate it from MM.

 

GEL told her now H - either I am a priority or see ya. He made her the priority and ended the M.

 

OW let her now H know the same thing.

 

I realize there are some OW who get involved only for the 'fun and sport' of it and not to have a deep, loving relationship.... but I think that is the rarity.

 

I mean, look at so many on here who have been the OW for year -- and they are still waiting for these MM to make a decision - to 'pick' them. Many OW don't push them, they don't give them ultimateums. They just take the crumbs they are given. Which is really sad. I really think many don't make waves because they know that the MM will end their relationship vs ending the marriage....just my thoughts ... but why else would a woman who WANTS a committed relationship continue to be 2nd, not a priority, etc unless she is maybe fearful of what the reaction would be if the MM was told to make a decision.

[tami-chan]

Truthfully when one engages in an affair with a married person, one cannot demand that the other person deny the spouse access...that said, I am not sure why this is even a problem. Like I said so many times before, when the premise of the affair changes and both parties are not in tandem, it is time to go....no more pulling teeth and/or asking why....just let go and go....

[Impudent Oyster]

Hi guys

 

My affair is well and truly over - thank god. Anger is what has prevented me going back and I am trying to stay with the anger.

 

Random question - my XMM's wife would sometimes text him when we were together and he would text her back instantly. Do you find this acceptable as the OW?? I always used to let it go as I used to think that he had no choice but out of 'respect' to the OW's feelings should he have not turned his phone onto silent or off completely?? On our last meet I was saying I can't cope with being with someone who has a life with someone else...I was upset....the phone went off and she text him and he text her back and I just thought 'how can he do that when we are having this conversation'??!!!

 

When an OW you do lose sight of what is acceptable and what is not, you lower your standards, is the phone issue acceptable?

 

Just working through my anger and this is a little issue amongst the big ones that I am not sure I am right or wrong with.

 

I wouldn't be concerned about him texting her, but I probably would be mildly disturbed that he left my house to crawl into her bed every night.

 

That doesn't seem very acceptable to me.

 

Seriously, lower your standards? They don't get any lower.

[Impudent Oyster]

 

He even answered once.. He was talking to her.. (kept if short though) ... WHILE I was giving him oral..

 

WTF? And you didn't stop?

[Impudent Oyster]

:laugh::lmao: That bj must not be very good if he can text or talk

 

I was thinking the same thing.

[ForumFool]

I was thinking the same thing.

 

Lol I could not resist I loled my "head" off reading it..I don't think I have ever given a bj where the dude could talk, text or even think of anything but release and when I would allow it to "come"..I doubt they could hear the phone :lmao: so I was like.... :lmao: ..OK now I will go back to being quiet

[Spoiled]

WTF? And you didn't stop?

 

No she didn't stop when the phone rang. The call prompted the act, that's why the conversation was extremely short. And trust me, he was not speaking, listening and rushing off the phone.

[Spoiled]

Is it acceptable for a MM to talk to his W when with the OW? Wow. You know, its weird that simple questions like this that basically has the MM asking/needing permission for things concerning his W really blows me away. I think EVERYTHING is acceptable for a MM to do where his W is concerned. IT’S HIS W. I wouldn’t dare have the audacity to tell my MM it’s not acceptable to answer a call/text. Not only because it would look suspicious if he didn’t, but because it’s not my place to do so. IMO, if a MM’s affair is a secret the W is always on a higher hierarchy level and the OW really doesn’t have grounds to be upset. Gosh, my MM should put in my place so quickly if I even had the nerve. Only twice did my MM not answer his W’s call while with me and that was only after 4yrs of dating. I was totally shocked and I took/take it as a compliment because I look at it as like “okay, for this instance I’m putting you on the same level as my W”. Maybe that’s why some OW have a problem with it. They may look at it as the MM, who says how important she is to him, putting her at a lower importance as the W. IDK, I’ve just always thought there’s a clear line - the A is between me and my MM, the M is between my MM and his W.

 

Originally Posted by Lizzie60

He even answered once.. He was talking to her.. (kept if short though) ... WHILE I was giving him oral..

Ditto. Glad you said it. I’m sure I’d been jumped all over if I said it first.

 

Exactly. We checked in with our spouses prior to meeting, while we were out, and on our way home. Therefore limiting our interruptions. I actually felt awful during the few times he spoke with her in my presence because she and I were close friends. I was more uncomfortable speaking with my H in his presence because we always end our calls with "I love you" and he never did in my presence.

[Midnight Rider]

Nope.. I was talking about my MM from work.. who absolutely has no idea of my lifestyle.. we work together..

 

Ok then, in that case I apologize!

[her_halo_slipped]

I think it is resonable for him to return a txt message after all it might be important.

I guess you need to ask yourself would you be as angry if you were with a girlfriend and she answered a txt when in your company.

Personally I try to turn my phone to silent when I am doing something important, there are still times when a message must be answered.