Sad

[coralpearl76]

Good Afternoon

 

I have taken the time out of my schedule to allow someone in my life. We work together. We have not done anything physically together; we have slept together but not sexually. He amazes me because he just holds me all night long ( we have kissed). We both have strong feelings for each other; however he is not ready for a relationship. He has introduced me to his friends and we have gone out together. He is 8 years younger than me. We have done a lot together, clubbing, dinners, movies, etc. He is always here for me when I am not feeling well (vice versa). He spends the night at my place most of the time and he loves it when I cook for him. When he comes over to my place he is mostly coming from work.

 

The reason why he is not ready for a relationship it is because he was hurt in a previous relationship and he refuses to open up to me. I feel that this can work between us but I do not know how to get him to open up. When he comes over he enjoys laying on me while I play with his hair, looking at a movie, or even just talking. He always says "I got you." He has admitted he has feelings for me but he is not ready for a relationship. He has thought about me meeting his family and involvement but that was it. I have asked him if he is seeing or talking to anyone else currently. He said not at the moment. But because we are not in a relationship it gives him the ability to speak to anyone and i feel weird about that. He has a key to my apartment he can come and go regardless if I am home or not. He lives rather far from home so I am closer to work and school for him. I don't know what to do. I want more from him.

[coralpearl76]

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[jackmood]

Hi,

Can you please post more information.How can I judge your relationship?

[Island Girl]

You may want more - but he has everything he needs and could even sleep with you at this point if he wanted to.

 

He knows it too. But for some reason doesn't want to and the whole not wanting a relationship right now is crap.

He doesn't want a relationship with YOU for whatever reason.

 

Trust me - if a person meets someone they have that "it" thing with - that they are attracted to and amazed by -- that heart heals enough to try believe me.

 

You describe your relationship as it is now and it seems like you are kind of a mommy to him. You take care of him all the time.

He even has a key to your place so he can come and go at will and he IS NOT EVEN YOUR BOYFRIEND.

 

Is he demonstrative to you at work? I'd bet the answer is no. That you are more together and "touchy feely" behind closed doors.

If so - that is a big problem too.

 

You have set up and are playing house basically. He has all that with no commitment and he is calling all the shots? Why would he change that dynamic again...? Because he gets a WHOLE LOT out of this little set up...

 

You should evaluate your boundaries and standards of how you will be treated and what you expect.

I can tell you if you are honest you would see this relationship doesn't cut it on most things you really want. You are settling for less from this guy. And I don't care how great you think he is there is NEVER a reason to get less than you deserve.

If he isn't willing to give you what you want and deserve then you need to cut bait and move on to find someone that WILL.

Don't waste your time spoiling a man who won't commit to you on any level. Please do not do that anymore.

Edited December 11, 2009 by Island Girl

[Miko]

I think I do buy his story. I made his mistake once, didn't do that again. I was young at the time too. My guess is that if this goes on long enough you'll lose interest because he won't have sex with you and it doesn't really make much sense i.e. friendzone. Does he seem like he wants to have sex with you but is talking himself out of it? Sometimes people that came out of bad relationships that were mostly sexual can associate sex with bad relationships instead of good. Next time he comes 'home' and is excited about something that happened that day tell him it's time and shake him down physically. Tell him you want him and you don't know how long you can wait.