kris Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 Im divorced now for almost 2 years. I dated my ex-husband since the seventh grade. We basically grew up toghether. After we were married I felt like he didn't pay attention to me and I was more his mother/servant, and I got fed up with it. I cheated on him. Something I never did admitt even during the divorce. I loved him so much but I DO SEE that we grew into two seperate people. He was not affectionate, I was. He had a large family, I didn't. Infact, I was anti family because I never really had one and this caused many fights when I was forced to interact with his. I know why so many things happened, but I still can't forgive myself for what I did. It haunts me every day, and I feel like I will forever wear the scarlette letter A. How can I get passed this? I can't date because of this. I feel like I don't deserve happiness because I was so selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 I feel like I don't deserve happiness because I was so selfish. Contrary to popular belief, self-esteem comes from yourself. You can have the entire forum tell you how great you are, and that you'll be happy (And I'm not discouraging that), but I suggest you go see some type of counselor, to work out issues on a more personal level. I'm not sure if there's magic words that can be said on this forum to help you along, and I know I'm not helping any. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kris Posted December 18, 2003 Author Share Posted December 18, 2003 Well, Im sure I deserved that reply, but let me assure you I am mot looking for pitty. I just want to grow from this. I just want to get on with my life. I don't believe seeing a councelor is a solution for me. Too stubborn, and i don't think you should have to pay a person to tell you how to live your life. I try to be a good person and keep my karma clean these days. Its all I know how to do. The right thing. The nice thing. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 I didn't mean to imply that's what you're looking for, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I'm still suggesting counseling however, as the price you'll pay is priceless if you can get your life on track. Everyone deserves happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 just to pipe in on your allusion: the scarlet letter, as a symbol, is more meant to indicate society's suffocating hypocrisy than one's personal shame. pryne wore it, but the irony is that the society who enforced it, deserved it, etcetera. hester was responsible too, but it was not a straightforward 'blame the whore' novel AT ALL! equally, your life is not simply the tale of you making a mistake - i'm sure there is a lot more to it. hawthorne, i think, was a descendant of the one of the judges of the salem trials, and he (allegedly) felt a great deal of shame for how american/puritan culture has treated women they consider too rebellious, too powerful, or too sexual. in any event, there comes a point where one decides to change their behaviour in the future rather than self-indulging in guilt any further; it sounds like you've hit that point very cool move on. date anew. people cheat often because they are in pain or because they are weak. you have a chance to heal and get strong. Link to post Share on other sites
jena7483 Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 i feel the exact same way. i cheated on my b/f during the 1st 2 weeks of our relationship. we didnt exactly dicuss the status of our relationship so maybe it wasnt cheating but i still felt horrible for doing it. i recently told him i did it and he said he still loves me but i cant get over the fact i hurt him. what ur feeling is extreme guilt. it hurts i know but your relationship with your husband had other problems which led you to cheat. so whetehr or not you cheated the problems with your relationship would still be an issue. im sure you feel guilty mostly b/c its bottled up inside. once i told my b/f i felt 1000 pounds lighter b/c the burden had been lifted off me. but you and your husband are no longer together and its in the past. everyone makes mistakes. doesnt mean you are a bad peson. just try your best to move on so you can met that person who is meant for you Link to post Share on other sites
Author kris Posted December 18, 2003 Author Share Posted December 18, 2003 Thanks for that! Im still trying! Im actually okay being single, its the people around me that constantly say " you are so lonely and miserable, you need to find a man." My reply is always, " a man is not a solution to my happiness." Plus, if Im not happy I can't make anyone else happy. Maybe if I start going to church again besides weddings and funerals i'll be better off. AAAAHHHHHHHHh! Keep the karma clean now. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
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