Good Afternoon

[coralpearl76]

I have taken the time out of my schedule to allow someone in my life. We work together. We have not done anything physically together; we have slept together but not sexually. He amazes me because he just holds me all night long ( we have kissed). We both have strong feelings for each other; however he is not ready for a relationship. He has introduced me to his friends and we have gone out together. He is 8 years younger than me. We have done a lot together, clubbing, dinners, movies, etc. He is always here for me when I am not feeling well (vice versa). He spends the night at my place most of the time and he loves it when I cook for him. When he comes over to my place he is mostly coming from work.

 

The reason why he is not ready for a relationship it is because he was hurt in a previous relationship and he refuses to open up to me. I feel that this can work between us but I do not know how to get him to open up. When he comes over he enjoys laying on me while I play with his hair, looking at a movie, or even just talking. He always says "I got you." He has admitted he has feelings for me but he is not ready for a relationship. He has thought about me meeting his family and involvement but that was it. I have asked him if he is seeing or talking to anyone else currently. He said not at the moment. But because we are not in a relationship it gives him the ability to speak to anyone and i feel weird about that. He has a key to my apartment he can come and go regardless if I am home or not. He lives rather far from home so I am closer to work and school for him. I don't know what to do. I want more from him.

[WTRanger]

You can't force him to open up. The more you try, the tighter he will close down. Him opening up is something cannot control therefore you shouldn't worry about if or when he'll talk.

 

It sounds like he's happy with the situation, which is why he isn't "ready" for a relationship. You'll see it posted all over this board but what he is really saying, "I'm not wanting a relationship with you." Miss Right comes along and I can assure you that he would be more than ready.

 

If you want more, either he gives you more or you walk away and find someone who will. It is either A or B, there is no A/B in this situation.

[Boundary Problem]

I think some people take a LONG time to come to trust people.

 

But having said that, you get to decide what involvement and length of time he is a part of your life.

 

So just do what feels right for you.

 

But as others have said, don't be surprised if "this is it", or "it is what it is".

 

Not sure I would continue with the overnights - unless you don't want anything more from him sexually. My girlfriends don't stay overnight, so why would a guy friend do that. Sort of doesn't make sense to me.

 

Sounds like he is taking a "time out" from women, yet still retaining some female companionship.

 

I'm editing to add this - you are going to get a myriad of opinions on this topic - all assuming that a relationship is where you are going to want to go, vs NC etc. - just warning you.