30 days NC

[teanoranges]

Upon waking tomorrow, I will have reached 30 days of NC.

I'm better coping with the loss of love, although not fully healed.

I'd love to hear his voice and laugh with him, to start completely over as if none of the breakup ever happened.

 

But I also know reality of it all.

He won't be in my life for a long time, if ever.. I think. He's a great person and I connected with him so well (don't know if he feels the same)

But in all, its in my hands because he's never really contacted me when we had our ups and downs... sad but true.

My NC continues until I feel I will not be hurt by him talking about his love for someone else..

 

I care for him so much and I am letting go. I forgive him for all and I can see why and how things worked out. I'm sorry it did.

I still love him.

 

I've been doing a lot of good deeds lately, that just happen sporadically.. like helping an old lady find her bus or helping a foreign person pick out hand lotion! lol. Although little, they make me feel beautiful inside.

I hope one day I can extend that love in a friend way to him.

 

I'm not interested in a relationship and I don't care. All that matters is that I'm happy, surrounded by the women in my life (family) and the wonderful friends I do have.

Its bittersweet but it is what makes me feel alive.

 

I hope I can keep this up. No additional relapses for a while.

[USMCHokie]

All that matters is that I'm happy, surrounded by the women in my life (family) and the wonderful friends I do have.

Its bittersweet but it is what makes me feel alive.

 

I hope I can keep this up. No additional relapses for a while.

 

 

This is the key to any fulfilling relationship...that you find this before you meet that man who you'll spend the rest of your life with...and it looks like you're on the right track...keep it up!

[teanoranges]

You know, I can honestly say I am much happier now than I've been in a long time (including when I was single before.)

I used to be a real pessimist during high school and even the first half of my first year of college.

Now I feel real good about opening up and having a light in me.

Life is just too short to keep waiting for the '30 day' mark, or the 'will I be better in a year'... why wish for a year to pass when that's so much time for good things to experience in life?

 

Now I know why more than 30 days NC is so important.. at least for me.

30 days is the time to cool off, clear the head. Now I can reflect so much more on the situation instead of cloudy judgement. Now, instead of beating myself up over 'why didn't I do this' I can see it as 'oooh, I did this.. no wonder I'm hurting.. learn from this.'

I'm not being hard on myself anymore.

 

Why 30 days isn't enough... why I can't and won't contact him now?

Still feelings obviously, but also I just don't want to. I have nothing to say.

Honestly, I think if he called I'd tell him I just don't want to talk.. the whole drama brings me down and makes me forget things that I like feeling.

It doesn't hurt as much anymore knowing he won't call... its a little relieving.

 

Sorry, I'm in need of getting these thoughts out. Thanks for listening.