yes Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 i don't know what to do, again. i'm back to wishing this pain would just go away. he flirts with me, he says he's glad to see me, he says he missed me, he insists on dancing really close, etc. - a lot of things that COULD be just friendly gestures and me reading into them, but i don't think so, even though he's a very friendly guy. so my hopes go up, and my mind gets into the mode of worrying about not accepting his advances too quickly... and then BOOM - i turn around and see him all over some chick, and he stays with her until i leave. seeing him all over another girls puts me in physical pain - i just cannot look at it!!! and when he insists on dancing closely w/ me, i feel like a dream is about to come true ... how sad is this ... he's just a young male, dating around, he honestly told me that. why can't i accept that, be friends with him, and move on to better men? why does he have this effect on me?!!!! i don't know what to do! i just want the pain to go away. i wish i'd stop caring about him, but it just doesn't seem to be happening - he's great at keeping me on a string - as soon as i'm about to get off his string, he pulls - just enough to keep my hope alive. i mean i see exactly what he's doing to me, but for some reason i can't overcome my drive to him. the other way to stop this pain is to get back together with him - but that's just SO dangerous for me - he could use me and dump me, he could just dump me quickly, he could cheat on me - all of them sound nasty. and i know i'll like him just the same ... i mean this can't be a case of a bruised ego, can it? i can't take an ego's bruise so long to heal. especially since he didn't dump me per se, he asked for a break because he couldn't committ although he really liked me, i'm the one who said break means break UP. i'm so mad at him for keeping on a string. i'm so mad at myself for letting him do it. i don't know what all this is ... it feels like a mental illness - an irrational obsession i seem to have no control of ... i have to go sleep. i just can't believe this is happening to me. -yes PS I can't avoid him entirely, we go to the same college and he's the type who knows everybody and goes everywhere, so avoiding him means being a loner, unfortunately. And being with him means being at the middle of the action at all times ....................... Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted December 18, 2003 Author Share Posted December 18, 2003 when he tries to talk to you or dance with you, blow him off. TRUST ME --------- i know that's the best advice, thank you =) however, at the moment, i know i won't be able to blow him off - and if i try, he'll convince me otherwise within a minute. so what i decided to do is talk to him and basically say - it's all or nothing - either he's with me, or he's gotta stay FAR AWAY from me. i'm also contemplating offering an "open relationship" if he starts whining about losing me - do you think that's a bad idea? i mean i don't rlly wanna be dead-committed either, i love my freedom, - i just wanna be close with him, and be next to him when we're in the same place, but on the nights that i'm not there - i don't rlly care what he does, cuz i have fun w/ other guys when he's not there, too... thanks for you reply, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted December 18, 2003 Author Share Posted December 18, 2003 i did take a long break where i refused to speak to him & all. but it didn't help. every time i see him - you know what i mean ............ i can have fun w/out him but never as much fun as with him! i'm on cloud nine when his attention is all on me! i think at this point i just have to be honest about my feelings and say - either you're in or leave me the hell alone. b/c if he was distant i think i'd get used to it - but he flirts, he tells me sweet things, etc. he has a ridiculous effect on me. i was upset all morning, then i called him - and he said he'd call me back - but just hearing his voice & knowning he's gonna call me later today put me in a good mood. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted December 18, 2003 Author Share Posted December 18, 2003 i guess i do need that clear FINAL answer. i mean if he just said "i don't like you, sorry", i'd be down for a bit but i'd get over it. but this shakiness of 'i like you, but i don't wanna commit, but i miss you, but i also like that girl o'er there, but etc" is nuts-driving! but what if he tells me that the truth is that he really likes me, but doesn't wanna committ, cuz he won't be able to keep his pants zipped? what the hell am i supposed to reply?! saying good-bye to that feels silly cuz it's not like i'm looking for total committment either. saying hello sounds silly too - it's like giving him permission to cheat. grrr. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted December 18, 2003 Author Share Posted December 18, 2003 STDs are definitely smth to worry about - if it were to be an open r/s, there'd be no sex for sure. You're right though - all I'm gonna say is that I get jealous when i see him w/ girls, still, and it spoils my mood anf fun, so smth has to change. See what he has to say ... wish me luck -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted December 18, 2003 Author Share Posted December 18, 2003 so i called, and of course i got the rant about wanting to be friends with me. but when it came down to dating me or leaving me alone entirely, he picked the latter, attesting that he's an idiot. it was obvious he would say this, but i guess i'm glad i heard it. i'm sad - i love talking to him, even when he's telling me he doesn't want me. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 I am going to be harsh on you, missy! But you know I mean all of this in the best way... so what i decided to do is talk to him and basically say - it's all or nothing - either he's with me, or he's gotta stay FAR AWAY from me. Nooooo talks. You will get nothing out of laying down an ultimatum with him. He knows how you feel. If he wanted to be with you, he would be. He is choosing not to. You just stay FAR AWAY from HIM. i'm also contemplating offering an "open relationship" if he starts whining about losing me No! No! If he starts whining about losing you, let him whine. Do not meet him halfway. You don't want an open relationship! You want him. So why would you settle for crumbs like this? i can have fun w/out him but never as much fun as with him! i'm on cloud nine when his attention is all on me! This is not the last man you will feel this way about. Trust me! I think you are not being honest with yourself about what you truly want from him. If you did not want a commitment with him, you would not be hurting like this. Your life would not be revolving around what he does. Think long and hard about this... i think at this point i just have to be honest about my feelings and say - either you're in or leave me the hell alone. b/c if he was distant i think i'd get used to it - but he flirts, he tells me sweet things, etc. Don't blame this on him. You are accepting this behavior and these crumbs. He's not unhappy with things--why should he be? You respond whenever he throws a bone your way. Stop responding. When he approaches you, be nice, say hello, then tell him you have to leave or go to aerobics class or whatever. Just learn to walk away. This will signal to him loud and clear that you will not accept his BS. i was upset all morning, then i called him - and he said he'd call me back - but just hearing his voice & knowning he's gonna call me later today put me in a good mood. Why is your happiness dependent on what he chooses to do? Why? This is not a good way to live. i guess i do need that clear FINAL answer. You've got a final answer. Do you need him to paint it on your forehead? A guy who was interested in you or any type of relationship with you would not hang all over other girls in front of you. He does not respect you or your feelings at all. i mean if he just said "i don't like you, sorry" He may not be saying it in words, but he is saying it. Why aren't you listening? Don't make excuses anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted December 18, 2003 Author Share Posted December 18, 2003 clia clia.... thank you! you're not being harsh, don't worry. my mind agrees with you fully. i've already told him to stay far away from me, but no more talks from now on, u'r right. i guess all i can do is live and do things and hope i do meet somebody who affects me at least as strongly. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts