Three months removed...

[thehappyclam]

I was with my ex for 3 1/2 years. I met her during my second year college. She was my first love. We spent lots of time together and had a very intimate relationship. For the first time in my life, I felt as though somebody really really understood who I am. I opened myself completely to her, and perhaps over-relied on her for emotional needs.

 

We broke up because of lots of reasons. Rather than going into them, I will just say that they're very good and logical reasons, ie. long distant, personal issues, trust issues, ects.... The problem is, even though I know breaking up is the right thing to do, it still hurts so so bad. I still have lots of feelings for her, even after 3 months apart. I guess the pain has subsided a whole lot, but it's still there whenever I happen to think about us, which is still quite often.

 

I am currently in med school, so I'm swarmed with work/stress. It has been very hard to do the work, deal with the breakup, and try to meet new people or try new activities. Even though I'm a general happy/good-natured guy, I have spent lots of time thinking about the past and worrying/doubting, and generally just feeling lonely. I guess this doesn't help. My current situation kinda puts rose-color lens over my eyes whenever I think about my carefree college days with her.

 

I know I just need to take it one day at a time and move on, so I guess this is just a way for me to vent my frustration...I must say that I have had a relatively easy life, so this has been BY FAR the most difficult period of my life. I know that I will come out of it stronger...I just wish that I could honestly believe that the future will be good. I look around and I honestly can't say that I see any girls who is as good/fun as her.

 

I would really appreciate any advice or encouragement.

[JonInTx]

happyclam,

 

I'm going through something very, very similar, so I understand your hurt. My recent ex-girlfriend of 4+ years just spent 3 months slowly breaking up with me, bit by bit. First it was, "I love you, but I'm not happy," then it was, "I love you, but I want us to work on our friendship," then "I love you, but I'm no longer IN love with you, but I don't want to break up," and on and on until she finally told me it was over. It was excruciating, and I don't see anyone else in my life that I want any part of.

 

I don't have many words of encouragement for you, other than to say that you deserve a better situation, because she's got to be fully invested in the relationship for it to work, just like you were.

 

I could never get my girlfriend to commit to the relationship either. I was fully committed and totally genuine with her, even if I wasn't as open and emotive as some people are. However, she was plagued by self-doubt and destructive self-confidence issues, such that she could never be herself with me. She always seemed to be holding back.

 

I naively thought that she would break through that, and I was prepared to marry her if she did. But she never did, and it drove her to cheat on me (at least emotionally, and sometimes physically) with any man who made feel "special" for a little while.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this, just like I'm sorry I'm going through this.

 

I miss feeling like I belong to someone. I feel naked in the world, and like no one understands me.

 

I'm betting you feel the same way. But I got to reading this site a couple days ago, and it has made me feel a bit better to know that I'm not alone, and the others who are sharing this kind of pain with me are also surviving.

 

The hardest part for me is admitting that I deserve better than her, and being brave enough to stick my neck out again. That won't come for a while, and that's o.k.

 

It's o.k. for you, too.