My Story (long)...

[EricaH329]

I need to get this off of my chest. Once I do, I truly believe I’ll be able to put it all behind me.

 

He was the kind of guy everyone loved. He would demand attention from everyone, without saying a word. He would make a room full of people laugh hysterically. He was charming, funny, witty, handsome. And when he gave me the time of day, I couldn’t believe it.

 

I moved in with him a week after officially being together, and soon after he proposed. We were inseparable. He was so caring, and understanding. When I was sick, he took care of me. When I was sad, he would make me smile. And most importantly, everything that was important to me... was important to him.

 

The day that he left for the military, we made a promise to eachother that no matter what we would stick by eachother. We cried, a lot. Then he told me that it was not goodbye, it was ‘see you later’, gave me a kiss, and got into the car and left.

 

I moved back home, and stayed unemployed waiting around for his random phone calls from bootcamp. I would write him every single day, twice on Sundays. His letters were full of hopes and dreams for our future. When he would call, I could hear the happiness in his voice just to hear me again. I don’t think we could have said ‘I love you’ any more than we did during those conversations.

 

I remember his graduation day like it was yesterday. I had tears welling up in my eyes during the entire ceremony, and the moment I spotted him when it was all over, I cried like a little baby. I ran up to him, kissing and hugging him. He proudly introduced me to all of his bootcamp buddies, and showed me what he had been up to. I was so proud.

 

When it came time for him to go, my heart broke worse than it did when I had to say goodbye the first time around. He looked at me in my eyes, told me he loved me, kissed me, and began to walk away. He then turned around, ran back up to me, kissed me again, and then finally left.

 

I could see something in his eyes that was different this time. Almost as though he knew it would be the last time we saw eachother. Of course, then I didn’t think much of it. I only thought he was sad, as I was. But now I’m realizing it was more than that.

 

As he walked away, I watched him. I watched him cross the street, walk half way up the sidewalk, and then he began jogging to catch up with his friends. I watched him until I couldn’t see him anymore. That’s when I gripped the engagement ring on my finger oh-so-tightly, and began to walk in the opposite direction.

 

Looking back on it now, had I known that it would be the last time I would see him, I think I would have given him one more kiss, one more I love you, one more hug.

 

Things changed dramatically within the next few days. He had begun to lose respect for me. He had begun treating me in ways that I never knew he was capable of. I was heartbroken. I didn’t understand what was going on. Only days before we were talking about how wonderful our life was going to be together, and now he’s acting as though I’m some girl that he never had any emotional attachment to.

 

Needless to say, after months and months of me hanging desperately on to something I thought was going to work out... it was over. Just like that. All I received were empty apologies, and excuses. Nothing he did was wrong, and if it was... there was a ‘valid’ reason for doing it. All of his ‘I love you’s’ were very hollow to me. They no longer had any meaning behind them.

 

This man that I once fell very in love with, is no longer there anymore. Not only was I grieving the loss of our relationship, but I was grieving the loss of the man I once knew. I could see his pictures, and I could hear his voice... but it wasn’t him anymore.

 

Instead, there was a little boy who was lost and confused. He didn’t know which way to turn, and instead of embracing his support, he was pushing it further away.

 

No matter what was said, the excuses he made, or the promises he broke... there was once a deep emotional connection and understanding between the two of us. One that will never be replaced. I will always hold it very close, and dear to my heart.

 

But now, it is time to move on. To look forward instead of backward. To grow and learn more about myself. I’m no longer going to think of these moments with sadness, but with the happiness that I can only describe as pure. That is the promise I am making to myself. And unlike any promise that anyone else makes to me, I am not going to let myself down.