Did i do the right thing? (running into an Ex during no contact)

[Wicker_Parked]

Warning this is pretty long

 

Its funny i was doing great at no contact, 1 month and 5 days to be exact - i had to work at 9pm at a nightclub and i almost broke no contact today before i started work by sending the Ex that dumped me an email saying hi, and a general update on how i was going, but i decided not to but instead saving it as a draft so i could read it in a clearer frame of mind.

 

Our last contact was 1 month ago was me asking via text if she wanted to give it another shot or should i walk away, to which she replied 'that ships left hun, all i will remember are the memories and that it'

My reply was 'ok im fine with that, just needed to know so i can move on start seeing people, i will always remeber the childish memories, one day ill be in touch bye.

 

My intention was to never call her back so i held no contact except today...

 

I was working at the nightclub everything started off as normal, im on the floor so i walk around the whole place and i sort of saw i girl that i was familiar with but had never met her i didnt even give it a second thought cos i see hundreds of people in one busy frieday night it turned out to be one of my Exs friends off facebook i had never meet, i didnt think nothing of it but sure enough half an hour later i saw the girl with a table of girls and my Ex!

 

My heartbeat raced, i never even was prepared to ever see her or call her ever again, suspecting she would first, and guys this one was my first love that really hurt so i continued to work around the table, but i decided to man up and not act like a stranger cos hey im over it right?

So finally only when i was talking to the promo shooter girls who were walking with me to their table did i 'pretend' to recognise her and i just pointed as if surprised, walked away from the shooter girls to the table said a curteous hi to my Ex and her friends and walked off back to work into the cover of drunk customers.

Last i saw of them, they up and left the club there guy friends that were going to meet up with them came in and the all the girls left without them..

 

My question is does this reset no contact to day 1, i was starting to feel good getting on with my life, working in a fun environment, meeting lots of people - cos now i feel confused and hurt that even though its been 1 month she knows where i am, what i am doing but worst of all.

Hell she cant even be in the same place as me! what does that mean anyway? Her last text was sooo confident as if she moved on...

Shouldnt she be mature and be able to have fun and go out its a massive nightclub, i really wouldnt have cared either way if she stayed or not, i was prepared already if she was going to hook up with someone infront of me she already cheated on me b4.

And now i feel like im in the wrong cos she and her friends left the club even though she broke up and stuffed me around and dumped me.

Its it normal that women or should i say the dumpers have this power of turning it around as if they are the victim?

I feel that maybe there was a chance of reconcilitation before this incident because i had vanished, dissapeared and was working on myself, what should i do now? and before you guys say move on, i really was wanting another shot and using no contact to work on myselft and maybe get her back, but was just starting to feel good now this happens, not bad about what i did but bad to see that she still has a reaction even after more than a month of no contact, we only went out for 5 months but have know each other for 7 years, if feel as if no contact day 1 starts again but i am so glad i didnt send that email but now i have that sick feeling and want to get far away.

Has anyone been in a similar case where they have run into there Ex, that they had feeling for pretending that they dont, and how did it go, what did you do? am i only feeling like this because i feel like i have broken no contact...Now i dont want to work there.... : (

 

I feel like sending in a weeks time, an email..

'Hi it was great to see you i should have told you i worked at the nightclub, i turned down the job at the cafe because i knew it was your fav cafe and that things between us went awkward.

Anyway ill be moving to another state next with my colombian friend as i told you so feel free to go back to the nightclub i suppose this ends our long run of friendship and being close but far enough to intrigue one another but we should have thought about it before this train-wreck.

Adios amigo'

of course i may not cos why does she deserve to know what i am doing and that she is free to go back to her nightclub cos i dont want to work there anymore

Edited December 11, 2009 by Wicker_Parked

[Ilovecake]

First of all I feel that you acted in the most appropriate way possible. You kept your emotions in check and were casual when saing hi without any further drama, Kudos.

 

I think the fact that you did that will make her wonder and question her decision because to her it looks like you're man enough to approach her and be cool but you can take or leave her. She obviously went to the club to try and make you suffer for her own ego boost and as far as she knows you didn't fall for it.

 

P.S. Are you in Chicago? Just asking because of your name.

[Wicker_Parked]

Hi there, i dont think she went there intentionally to do things to me as i dont think she even knew i worked there. And the fact is she upped and left..made me feel as if i had done something wrong like a bad smell, is this alway the case or maybe she is still fresh from the breakup - i wouldve rathered her stay get drunk and hook up with some guy try to make me jealous, have a good time, instead of this outcome, its like when you do something bad and your expecting your parents to yell or discipline you but they give you the silent treatment....

I did feel better that they left because i wouldnt have been able to concentrate if they stayed, and i didnt want to appear strange and walk around without not noticing her, or for her/them to notice me and see that i was avoiding them so my first opportunity i got i went straight up, mind you i approached them whilst breaking my conversation with the hot shooter girls just to say hi to the Ex, and her 4 girlfriends then walk off...I thought after not seeing me for a month she would have more to say then just leaving.

And to be honest this is really a case of i did not do anything wrong in the relationship to cause it to backfire - she even tried to get back with me 5 times after the breakup.

When i got home I honestly almost sent my Ex and email saying ive decided to move to another state if she cant even hang in the nightclub i work at...Sadly where i am is not chicago and there are only 3 places to go out on a friday/sat night, and where i work is the best popular place out of all of them so it is her that stands to lose right? more background info, we broke up in June, we went out for 5 months so technically we have been broken (5months and counting) up longer than we were together and no contact for 1 month...what gives? why is she still leaving the club and it was early in the night, they just got there....

Edited December 11, 2009 by Wicker_Parked

[ditched]

in my humble opinion, i think you acted perfectly. Friendly enough to acknowledge her presence, but not so broken that you were fine with a simple hello. As much as your mind was probably screaming and freaking out, you presented yourself casually. I could only wish that i was able to act that way when i first ran into my ex. I wound up giving her puppy dog eyes, sending her texts from the same room about how i missed her, then yelling some tearful goodbye when i saw her leaving hand in hand with her new man. so kudos to you.

[Wicker_Parked]

hey ditch how and where did your accidental run in happen? its totally intense when your not prepared but its tough either way, did your Ex seem a bit affected by you? im pondering whether or not to follow up with a email or text saying hi, it was good seeing you. thats it?

[mark982]

she left the club cause she didn't have the guts to stay. be happy about it, cause she won't be back to that club.

[deebeechrisyo]

You handled that situation about as well as possible Wicker. You kept your emotions in check, walked toward her table with two girls at your side, casually recognizing your ex, smiled and said hi. Perfect. I love how they left before their guy friends came in. I'm sure your ex was feeling jealous and probably distraught that you are getting on with your life so well. Great job!

[Wicker_Parked]

thanks deebee, i am glad they left though - and it turned out to be an ok night, heaps of nice people, i got to see all my friends i havnt seen in 7 years. But if i was in that situation her situation i guess i would have stayed, i was the one outnumbered, she was with her friends. I was working she was the one that was out to have fun and couldve done so...She ended it and acted so confident even arrogant about not getting back together...I guess the saying goes, dumpees have to force and endure and heal themselves because we feel becos we were dumped there is something wrong with us that must be fixed, and we spend time on ourselves to do so...Whereas the dumpers in this case she dumped me for the grass is greener syndrome, shes 21 too young...the guy didnt work out...oh well i hope that she knows im surrounded by the hottest clientele and barstaff on an weekend and i get paid to socialise : )

 

 

Ived decided not to email or text her, i had a huge urge to do so but i guess that im just going to go back to doing what i was doing before last night when i saw her, she probably got all the sympathy off all her girlfriends even though she was the reason we broke up.

Edited December 12, 2009 by Wicker_Parked

[Space Ritual]

I would have to agree with the last two posters. she could not handle that you did not go into crisis mode and acted like a sap. I am afraid by her actions she exhibited what seems to be standard with young people and breaking up...it seems to be in terms of "winning and losing".

 

The fact that you could be cordial and then just walk away was a blast to her ego so she told her friends that it was time to split whilst cursing your name under her breath. See wicker(I thought you were from Chicago too because I grew up in Wicker Park) you ruined her "independent woman party" and she had to return to Jersey Shore..lol

 

Good Job. And remember that the next time you think about sending her that email. So you are not back at square one with the NC...just chalk it up tio happenstance and carry on!