New Again Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 I just wanted to say: I want to get marriedI want to have childrenI'm not getting any younger Therefore: I have set a time limit of 2 years from August 2009 (for personally relevant reasons) for my current b/f to propose. He says that he wants to marry me. He constantly calls me by [my first name] + [his last name]. He constantly jokes/comments/etc. about us being married in the future. He constantly says things like "Will you marry me?" or "Let's go to Vegas this weekend and get married." He constantly talks about our future together, has named our future children and our future dog. Last night I said something about how much I like his mother for a specific reason and he said "You better like her, she's going to be your mother-in-law." And on and on. If my b/f has not proposed by a certain date in August of 2011, I am going to simply say to him something along the lines of, "It's been X number of years. If you don't know if you want to marry me by now, I think it's best if we go our separate ways. Peace." I don't care what he says, because actions speak louder than words. Just FYI, BTW. Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoneSock Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 I'll marry you, New Again Maybe... Link to post Share on other sites
Author New Again Posted December 12, 2009 Author Share Posted December 12, 2009 I'll marry you, New Again Maybe... You have 2 years from 9:06pm 12/11/09 to propose. Sorry, that's 2 less years than my current b/f is getting...but you do understand I'm not getting any younger Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 If he does marry you do you promise not to fall out of love with him in 7 years and have an affair because you look at him like a brother? Are you seriously commited to having a marriage with him or do you just want to walk down the aisle in order to eventually crush his heart down the road? Link to post Share on other sites
Author New Again Posted December 12, 2009 Author Share Posted December 12, 2009 If he does marry you do you promise not to fall out of love with him in 7 years and have an affair because you look at him like a brother? Are you seriously commited to having a marriage with him or do you just want to walk down the aisle in order to eventually crush his heart down the road? My, my, you sound bitter! I love my b/f more than anything; I know what his faults are, and we've known each other/been dating long enough for me to know if I can deal with them or not - if I can accept him as is or not. I also don't believe in all this "in love" crap (it's just chemicals, which are NOT important in the larger picture), I don't believe in divorce except in very specific cases such as abuse, and I could go on. Hopefully he feels the same way (if he chooses to actually give me a real proposal), as women aren't the only heartbreakers, Woggle. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 The next time he asks you to marry him or to get married in Vegas, don't laugh. Just accept and hold him to it. Watch him squirm. Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoneSock Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 You have 2 years from 9:06pm 12/11/09 to propose. Sorry, that's 2 less years than my current b/f is getting...but you do understand I'm not getting any younger Lol, deal. Just move on down here. Now, to plan a witty and adventurous way to propose... If he does marry you do you promise not to fall out of love with him in 7 years and have an affair because you look at him like a brother? Are you seriously commited to having a marriage with him or do you just want to walk down the aisle in order to eventually crush his heart down the road? Lol dude... TROLL. Almost 9,000 posts are you're TROLLING. What the hell? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 It is not trolling. If LS is still around in seven years she will be on here talking about her OM and how she sees her husband as being like a brother. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 It is not trolling. If LS is still around in seven years she will be on here talking about her OM and how she sees her husband as being like a brother. So you are a fortune teller as well? Link to post Share on other sites
Author New Again Posted December 12, 2009 Author Share Posted December 12, 2009 It is not trolling. If LS is still around in seven years she will be on here talking about her OM and how she sees her husband as being like a brother. And I'll have you to tear me to pieces over it okay Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 And I'll have you to tear me to pieces over it okay So you just admitted that you will cheat on your husband yet you still want him to marry you. Isn't this being dishonest with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author New Again Posted December 12, 2009 Author Share Posted December 12, 2009 So you just admitted that you will cheat on your husband yet you still want him to marry you. Isn't this being dishonest with him? Aw come on...don't be a troll and get my thread locked!! That has nothing to do with my OP. Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 Good for you, OP. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 He says that he wants to marry me. He constantly calls me by [my first name] + [his last name]. He constantly jokes/comments/etc. about us being married in the future. He constantly says things like "Will you marry me?" or "Let's go to Vegas this weekend and get married." He constantly talks about our future together, has named our future children and our future dog. Last night I said something about how much I like his mother for a specific reason and he said "You better like her, she's going to be your mother-in-law." And on and on. WTF ?... Don't give the guy 2 years.. Tell him something like.. You need to get off your effing ass and ask me PROPERLY to marry you or I'll be out the door... Joking about something like that isn't exactlly putting his best foot forward.. It is almost like he is making fun of the fact that he knows you want marriage.. It's relationships like this that just wind up pissing you off in the end because of the expectation of marriage being set by him and then later he doesn't go thru with the proposal. I say you don't wait 2 years and your need to covey to him the message that marriage has to be in your near FUTURE or you both need to find someone who is.. JMO Link to post Share on other sites
Tethys Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 It sounds to me like he sees himself marrying you. Have you asked him what timeframe he imagines (maybe preface the question that he doesn't have to commit to the timeframe). Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 Aw come on...don't be a troll and get my thread locked!! That has nothing to do with my OP. This has everything to do with your thread. Why do you want a man to commit to you when once the kids are there you will split the family up because you have lost attraction to him? Seriously ask yourself what is in this for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Malenfant Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 This has everything to do with your thread. Why do you want a man to commit to you when once the kids are there you will split the family up because you have lost attraction to him? Seriously ask yourself what is in this for him. amazing that you can tell people whats going to happen to them in the future! can you tell me my fortune as well please mystic meg? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 amazing that you can tell people whats going to happen to them in the future! can you tell me my fortune as well please mystic meg? I just know typical women's marriage patterns. This happens so much it is cliche. Link to post Share on other sites
Malenfant Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 I just know typical women's marriage patterns. This happens so much it is cliche. define 'typical' please. also, define a 'typical' man's marriage pattern. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 define 'typical' please. also, define a 'typical' man's marriage pattern. A typical woman's marriage pattern is her pressuring him for marriage then after a couple of kids she stops letting him touch her which then leads to her having an affair because she felt unloved despite the fact that her husband would have given his life for her. After this happens she leaves him and considers herself brave because she relclaimed her identity. A man's marriage pattern is the same thing but from the husband's side. Link to post Share on other sites
Malenfant Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 A typical woman's marriage pattern is her pressuring him for marriage then after a couple of kids she stops letting him touch her which then leads to her having an affair because she felt unloved despite the fact that her husband would have given his life for her. After this happens she leaves him and considers herself brave because she relclaimed her identity. A man's marriage pattern is the same thing but from the husband's side. I understand what you're saying, but you talk as if it is pre-meditated. You obviously have issues with women, we all have baggage, and thats fair enough, but i cant help feeling that you see this as a purposefull manipulation of a man's love, as opposed to something which can happen after years of marriage. but you're answering every post based on your generalisation of what a 'typical' woman is, instead of considering the possibility that you're replying to a woman who is not in that generalisation. I saw on another post you mentioned that you feel your views are correct for 95% of women. therefore, why cant you consider that you may be talking to one of the 150,000,000 women who does not fall into category? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 Premeditated or not this is where most marriages end up and men usually never see it coming. The OP is asking why her bf is reluctant to to commit and this is probably a reason why. When you look at how some women act I don't see how women can ask with a straight face why so many men are afraid of commitment. Of course I know I am a big bad misogynist for pointing out what is obvious to any man who doesn't have blinders on but if the OP really wants this commitment from him she needs to show that she will honor her end of it after the dream wedding and after the honeymoon phase because so many don't. Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 I am with woggle on this one... This is all about the OP trying to get what she wants, the wedding, a man, the kids... This is not about looking at this man an feeling... wow.. I want to spend the rest of my life with you... There is a big difference. Just dump him now and go find a guy you are head over heels for... Link to post Share on other sites
Author New Again Posted December 12, 2009 Author Share Posted December 12, 2009 WTF ?... Don't give the guy 2 years.. Tell him something like.. You need to get off your effing ass and ask me PROPERLY to marry you or I'll be out the door... Joking about something like that isn't exactlly putting his best foot forward.. It is almost like he is making fun of the fact that he knows you want marriage.. It's relationships like this that just wind up pissing you off in the end because of the expectation of marriage being set by him and then later he doesn't go thru with the proposal. I say you don't wait 2 years and your need to covey to him the message that marriage has to be in your near FUTURE or you both need to find someone who is.. JMO Hm good point. Maybe I'll give it another year at most, if everything else stays the same. That's exactly why I'm setting a time limit for myself, because his constant kidding around, commenting, etc. with no real intention behind it is making me wary. Premeditated or not this is where most marriages end up and men usually never see it coming. The OP is asking why her bf is reluctant to to commit and this is probably a reason why. When you look at how some women act I don't see how women can ask with a straight face why so many men are afraid of commitment. Of course I know I am a big bad misogynist for pointing out what is obvious to any man who doesn't have blinders on but if the OP really wants this commitment from him she needs to show that she will honor her end of it after the dream wedding and after the honeymoon phase because so many don't. Actually I don't have or want a dream wedding/honeymoon. And I'm not exactly asking why he won't commit. I'm simply stating my intention to not waste my time if he chooses not to. you go girl, wrangle that man Thanks I am with woggle on this one... This is all about the OP trying to get what she wants, the wedding, a man, the kids... No it's not all about me trying to get what I want. Yes, I do want to get married and have kids. However, I have never said that to my bf, other than in the very general sense that he knows I probably want to get married/have kids some day. I never bring this subject up with him, I don't pressure him. He's the one who brings it up in one of the ways I mentioned in the OP at least once a day....which, btw, I have my doubts that you actually read. It's about not wasting my time dating someone who doesn't feel the same way about me that I do about him for 10 years. P.S. There is nothing wrong with looking out for yourself and your own interests - no one else is going to do it for you This is not about looking at this man an feeling... wow.. I want to spend the rest of my life with you... There is a big difference. Just dump him now and go find a guy you are head over heels for... Are you a troll too? Because I have no idea how you came up with any of this, if you did actually read the OP. I want to marry my b/f...not a man. Jeez what is it with some of you people. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 Hey New Again, you've been on LS long enough to know mob mentality when it comes to supposedly finding one critical point and then beating a dead horse! I think you'll find that most men don't like to be pressured, when it comes to marriage. And I don't blame them. But that's not what you're doing. You're setting up an invisible timeline, in essence creating an expectation of your b/f that meshes with your future goals in life. What does concern me is that the two of you haven't talked about future goals and timelines, just him making crass statements and hyping expectations. Whether this is to string you along or not, he needs to piss or get off the pot. Link to post Share on other sites
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