steveb Posted December 18, 2003 Posted December 18, 2003 Does anyone here get sexually arroused when consoling crying spouse? I do. I assume that it is because she seems more vulnerable??? Not really sure. I have always been this way. I told my wife about it about a month ago after an emotional conversation about our marriage issues. I was trying to lighten the mood by confessing this. It has turned into something like a running "joke", I will mention it when she cries at a sad movie and we chuckle. (although I do not get arroused by that, only when she is actually sad, or getting over being sad) I just thought that I would test the waters and ask if anyone else has seen this.
midori Posted December 18, 2003 Posted December 18, 2003 steveb, I can't help but wonder if this is somewhat specific to the dynamic that's between you and your wife. She had hurt you repeatedly... and what you say about her being vulnerable sounds like it might be at least part of what turns you on. I don't think it's necessarily something to be concerned with, but it does sound like it's part of the larger relationship between you and your wife. It might be food for thought about how much you've been hurt by her, no matter how good you've been at putting it aside. Just an idea.
Author steveb Posted December 18, 2003 Author Posted December 18, 2003 It has always been this way. Note: I am not pleased when she is sad. I am now thinking that it is the consoling part. Maybe I feel needed and supportive, like a knight or something like that. ??? Maybe she seems softer emotionally. ?? I don't mind it, just curious if others have similar experiences.
BabyGirl Posted December 19, 2003 Posted December 19, 2003 Maybe it's because when she's upset and crying, it's the only time she opens up to you as a wife should. Maybe it's the only time that she seeks comfort from you.
jenny Posted December 19, 2003 Posted December 19, 2003 i suggest this very gently - but do you think it has anything to do with power? when she is vulnerable, and she needs you, it does put you in a demonstrable position of power. there are very few people who are not in some way aroused by power...and within your marriage you may not have that much opportunity to feel power. just a thought.
Author steveb Posted December 19, 2003 Author Posted December 19, 2003 Thank you for all of your comments. I believe that it is a combination of all of the comments. I does appear to be just me though. It is not a problem, and I [color=blue]usually[/color] do not act on it.
AprilFool Posted December 19, 2003 Posted December 19, 2003 I wish my husband got aroused when I cried....he just gets angrier....I think he thinks that by crying, I'm trying to control him!
moimeme Posted December 19, 2003 Posted December 19, 2003 Or else he feels helpless because he can't fix it and being helpless frustrates him. Scratch anger and there's always something underneath!
HopefulRomantic Posted January 5, 2004 Posted January 5, 2004 SteveB, What you are experienceing is perfectly normal. Read the personality profile book titled Please Understand Me by Kiersey & Bates. If you are an SP (personality type), then being sexually aroused when your wife cries is normal. As are other situations that you may find bring about the same reaction. This topic is covered on pg. 79 in the Mating section. Hope that helps! HopefulRomantic
Author steveb Posted January 5, 2004 Author Posted January 5, 2004 Thanks for the heads up on the book.
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