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My bf punched me on the leg and called me a f*cking stupid bitch...should I forgive??

pharmgirl877

By pharmgirl877,
in Second Chances

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TheLoneSock

TheLoneSock

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Absolutely not. He doesn't respect you.

 

Aaaaand this is a prime example of what I meant in my previous post, lmao.

 

No offense New Again.

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New Again

New Again

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Aaaaand this is a prime example of what I meant in my previous post, lmao.

 

No offense New Again.

 

None taken...I only read the OP, so I don't know what you're talking about.:)

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New Again

New Again

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Yeah after reading her initial post I felt sorry for her, I thought he had truely hit her, the way he would hit a guy in a fight, and left her leg in pain and bruising.

 

Then she filled me in that it in fact didn't even hurt, nor did it leave a mark - she was more upset over the language.

 

People posting at this point are probably not reading the whole thread.

 

OP, forget about it, move on, and don't f*ck with him anymore about the poking and needles. Or as Johnny said, he'll probably leave you for not being respectful of his fears.

 

Oh...so there was an issue about her b/f being afraid of needles?

 

I still stand by what I said. The reason being, it doesn't matter that he didn't physically hurt her.

 

TheLoneSock...have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

 

It's really an issue of respect - and I personally, when I read the OP, put much more stock in the fact that her b/f called her a "stupid ****ing bitch" than him hitting her on the leg.

 

He doesn't respect her, and that is the issue.

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TheLoneSock

TheLoneSock

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Oh...so there was an issue about her b/f being afraid of needles?

 

I still stand by what I said. The reason being, it doesn't matter that he didn't physically hurt her.

 

TheLoneSock...have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

 

It's really an issue of respect - and I personally, when I read the OP, put much more stock in the fact that her b/f called her a "stupid ****ing bitch" than him hitting her on the leg.

 

He doesn't respect her, and that is the issue.

 

He wasn't even abusing her though, and he hasn't ever in the past. She was intentionally picking at a fear of his and he told her to stop. She didn't and he became pissed off enough to call her a name. In my opinion they were both wrong, and BOTH being abusive. All the more reason to just let it go. That's where I developed my opinion from.

 

This situation is similar to something you would find in grade school. Boy #1 starts picking on boy #2. Boy #2 tells boy #1 to stop. Boy #1 doesn't stop, continues picking on boy #2. Boy #2 yells at him or does something else to make boy #1 stop. Boy #1 then runs to the teacher crying and tattling on boy #2. Are we supposed to condemn boy #2? Hardly. This whole situation is very immature.

 

Suppose we got a post by her boyfriend instead of her, talking about how his girlfriend consistently pokes him because he is afraid of needles. What would our advice be to him? It certainly wouldn't be to yell at her, or hit her (even harmlessly), but we WOULD most likely have told him she was being abusive of his fears. See my point?

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Suppose we got a post by her boyfriend instead of her, talking about how his girlfriend consistently pokes him because he is afraid of needles. What would our advice be to him? It certainly wouldn't be to yell at her, or hit her (even harmlessly), but we WOULD most likely have told him she was being abusive of his fears. See my point?

 

I think the advice given in that situation would have been much more along the lines of "communication."

 

And yes, there would be some bashing of the g/f...but half the posts here are bashing her also, so what's the difference?

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TheLoneSock

TheLoneSock

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I think the advice given in that situation would have been much more along the lines of "communication."

 

And yes, there would be some bashing of the g/f...but half the posts here are bashing her also, so what's the difference?

 

There is no difference, I was just making a point.

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samsungxoxo

samsungxoxo

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No I would not forgive a man that hit me once. He hits me and I can careless whether it hurt or not, he's out and NC forever. No one hits in a relationship...

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funktastic

funktastic

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Samsungoxoxo, with a static view like that i think having a long and healthy relationship will be near to impossible for anyone.

 

Life is not as white and black as you make it out to be!

 

Funk

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samsungxoxo

samsungxoxo

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Samsungoxoxo, with a static view like that i think having a long and healthy relationship will be near to impossible for anyone.

 

Life is not as white and black as you make it out to be!

Hitting is black and white to me. That's how I feel about it. Some people can be overly impacted about one thing that it's practically impossible to overcome.
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meerkat stew

meerkat stew

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If I instantly elimidated every woman who got mad and punched me in the arm, kicked me in the shin, elbowed me in the head in bed, whacked at me with a shoe or book, threw something at me or did something equally "violent" the first time they did it, I would have missed out on some pretty good relationships.

 

None of the women who did these things made a habit of it or turned out to be physically abusive, we split for other reasons but never because of perceived abusiveness. People lose their tempers from time to time and do physical things, doesn't make them automatically an abuser.

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Ross PK

Ross PK

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Samsungoxoxo, with a static view like that i think having a long and healthy relationship will be near to impossible for anyone.

 

Life is not as white and black as you make it out to be!

 

Funk

 

What a load of crap. Do you think all men hit women or something?

 

Of course it's possible for her to have a long and healthy relationship with plenty of people.

Edited by Ross PK
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samsungxoxo

samsungxoxo

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People lose their tempers from time to time and do physical things, doesn't make them automatically an abuser.
That's your point of view but I can careless about the man's excuse for hitting me, he's out.

I still hold my view that no one should hit in a relationship. In your case, those women also deserve the booting in the door but that's just me.

So if asked if I there were only 8 men on the planet and all of them have resorted to slapping or hitting me once only... would I dump them all and be alone in the planet... Yes I would... In that hypothetical case, I would rather be alone than with someone who used physical force on me.

 

That from ''Time to Time'' mean they will hit you more than once. To me I can careless if it's within the next 5 years he'll hit me again. The point is he hit me once, it's bye bye... adios... chau right there. No ifs, buts, no nothing. And yes I'll still be very black and white on this issue.

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Ross PK

Ross PK

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If I instantly elimidated every woman who got mad and punched me in the arm, kicked me in the shin, elbowed me in the head in bed, whacked at me with a shoe or book, threw something at me or did something equally "violent" the first time they did it, I would have missed out on some pretty good relationships.

 

None of the women who did these things made a habit of it or turned out to be physically abusive, we split for other reasons but never because of perceived abusiveness. People lose their tempers from time to time and do physical things, doesn't make them automatically an abuser.

 

So how many times do you think someone should be hit before it'd be acceptable for them to decide to leave?

 

And how hard as far as the hitting is concerned are we talking about here?

 

A few people in here making excuses for people hitting in a relationship sound very similar to abused women.

 

'Oh, he wont do it again'

'It's just part of a relationship'

'You can't end a relationship just because of a little disagrement'

'He's not really an abuser, he loves me'

 

Etc, etc.

Edited by Ross PK
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samsungxoxo

samsungxoxo

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So how many times do you think someone should be hit before it'd be acceptable for them to decide to leave?

 

And how hard as far as the hitting is concerned are we talking about here?

 

A few people in here making excuses for people hitting in a relationship sound very similar to abused women.

 

'Oh, he wont do it again'

'It's just part of a relationship'

'You can't end a relationship just because of a little disagrement'

'He's not really an abuser, he loves me'

 

Etc, etc.

Exactly, we need more strict people that would never tolerate that type of behavior so then the ones undergoing stress or anger problems is now aware of the consequences for hitting in a relationship, it means it's over... They would then think twice about hitting their partners..
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meerkat stew

meerkat stew

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So how many times do you think someone should be hit before it'd be acceptable for them to decide to leave?

 

And how hard as far as the hitting is concerned are we talking about here?

 

Well it would depend on the exact nature of the hitting, the level of anger involved, history with the person, level of fault/antagonism, many other factors. It's case by case, and admittedly involves subjective comfort and level of feeling threatened.

 

It seems that OP isn't really bothered that much by what happened, had some fault in the matter, wasn't physically hurt at all, and has a long non-violent history with the guy, hence my advice to keep her eyes open and cut the guy some slack this time.

 

I do not disagree with samsung's position, if it is a subjective firm boundary, that's her business. I think men put up with being hit more because it doesn't often really hurt us and we don't feel particularly threatened. When women have hit me in the past, it aroused more of a "fight with little sister" feeling than any real threat of harm.

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samsungxoxo

samsungxoxo

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I do not disagree with samsung's position, if it is a subjective firm boundary, that's her business. I think men put up with being hit more because it doesn't often really hurt us and we don't feel particularly threatened. When women have hit me in the past, it aroused more of a "fight with little sister" feeling than any real threat of harm.
Yes it's my intake on this but it doesn't mean you have to try to get people to share your views. As for being hit, I think no one should put up with it. It should be a break up.

But if for some '' reason'', you decide to give them another chance (saying what they did was acceptable) then there's anger management classes as well as the ''Do it again, you're out'' talk. But I would not risk it.

If they hit you once, it's telling you that they are already capable of doing it and can do it again if anger enough.

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Art_Critic

Art_Critic

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One thing that surprises me about this thread is how it seems that so little of it has been about the ugly, ugly words he said to her. To call someone a "stupid fu*kin" bi*tch is the ultimate in disrespect and it's called emotional abuse. That part of it is black and white.

 

I was wondering the same thing...

 

Screw the punch.. it didn't leave a mark or a bruise but the words did..

 

Any person who calls the person they love a stupid effing biotch is one screwed up person..

Name calling is a terrible way to tell someone you love them.

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TheLoneSock

TheLoneSock

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Lol so many people in here willing to throw away a 5 year relationship over a one time name calling, that he appologized for. Like it was some random, undeserved outlash of hate that he hadn't 'revealed' before until now. She was f*ucking with his fears even after he told her to stop, so he called her a name. Big deal, they're both immature. Not something to end half a decade together over. Grow up. It's no wonder most people going crazy over it are alone.

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Art_Critic

Art_Critic

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I grew up in a household where name calling was the norm..

 

My first marriage name calling was used by my now ex wife against me.. mostly because she was an abuser and she knew name calling was a hot button for me.

I'm not a name caller/physical abuser and have no use for that type of power/manipulation

 

My first marriage was also one where physical violence occurred..

I was an abused husband both physically and emotionally and I can tell you that name calling to the extent of calling someone a stupid bitch, even if only one incident is only a RED FLAG and a predictor of your future.

 

JMO

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redfathom

redfathom

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I would be careful, his hitting you, even though it didn't hurt and his escalading violence could be a way to test the waters to see just how far he can take it.

 

IMHO, my husband knows if he ever calls me a bad name, it's over. I saw my mom being verbally and physically abused for years. Hit in the face with a lamp that broke her nose, her ex tried to drown her with the hose for joking around with him. I was very young, but it made an impression. You need to set boundries and your partner needs to respect them. If you haven't talked to him about this I would. Establish your boundry with the name calling and hitting and if he does it again, leave.

 

Just my opinion, be safe!

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funktastic

funktastic

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What a load of crap. Do you think all men hit women or something?

 

Of course it's possible for her to have a long and healthy relationship with plenty of people.

 

 

Ross, please read what i wrote again and then do the following:

 

1: Think and try to understand the sentence for what it is, not what you think it is.

2: Then make a reply

 

 

Nowhere in that sentence does it say that all men hit women, read the sentence for what it is. If i say that the weather is warm , then thats excatly what it means, it does not mean the apposite :mad:

 

Funk

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