susiqusi Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 Here is the story - We have been together for 2 wonderful years. He asked me to sell my house, move in with him, quit my good job (pension, benefits, etc) because he wanted to marry me and couldn't live without me. Until very recently we were so happy. He told me every day how much he loved me and needed me. His ex had a drug problem, he broke up with her not knowing that, only knowing she was acting very oddly. He found out several months later from her why she was acting so weird - cocaine. He told me he always felt very guilty about this - that he should have helped her, and if he would have known they would still be together. ALso...this is a woman he told me his family didn't really like. His daughter told me she was cold, and didn't really see why they were together, she was very needy. She has kept up contact which really bothered me...never really left him alone, but I figured I should believe him when he told me they were through (even though alot of her stuff was still in the house we lived in together because "she doesn't have room for it"). The other side note is that his parents are both very ill and he is very worried about that. He is not in a good place emotionally - very vulnerable. Anyway. Last night he told me he still loves her and he wants me to go away for a little while so he can see her and "decide". He tells me he still loves me, but he needs to see her ( spend time with her, sleep with her) to know. I am a very strong, not needy, intelligent person, but now, here I am, with no job after 2 years, nowhere really to go (except to family) and hurting so bad I have no perspective. Men in this forum - can you offer guy's view? Many thanks I'm really hurting.... Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 I'm not a man (sorry!) but I can say...he is incredibly disrespectful, and the fact he'd want YOU to go away for a bit, when you have nothing, so HE can hang out and sleep with his ex to 'know' how he feels, is really cold. As sad as it is for you, and as hard as it is, you need to leave this guy, walk away, go NC and start over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author susiqusi Posted December 12, 2009 Author Share Posted December 12, 2009 Thanks - I guess the thing I cannot figure out...is his remorse, sadness over all this. THere were alot of tears last night - shed by both. Any further advice or analysis most welcome....please... Link to post Share on other sites
an hero Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 That's awful. How old are you if I may ask? If you are intelligent and not needy I think the best move for you would be to leave him. What he is doing is completely disrespectful, even if he just planning it at the moment. What have you said to him about it all? Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 Any further advice or analysis most welcome....please... I'm sorry to say, but it seems like you never really had him to begin. It's as if he used you as a temporary crutch to get over his ex-what-ever-she-is. It's unfortunate as well, because not many people would drop everything for someone else, yet he basically threw that in your face. Please don't change yourself because of this experience, better yet, build wisdom from it! At this time you should probably take this opportunity to step out of his grasp forever and rebuild your life. There are people out their that would appreciate you far greater then this guy ever will and won't play selfish games with your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 The tears were probably caused by guilt...no-one likes being the cause of another persons' tears. He was probably feeling sorry for himself, too, because breaking up with someone is, lets face it, pretty stressful, regardles of why you are doing it. Tears of guilt and discomfort shouldn't be misconstrued as proof of hidden love, or remorse over his decision to end it, though. You sound too good for this situation - definitely walk away. If he wants a coke head girlfriend then let him have her - you are in a different league, by the sounds of it. Btw why did you have to sell your house and leave your job just to be with him? Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoneSock Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 Speaking frankly, he probably just misses the sex with her. He is still co-dependent and attached to her. He is telling you to go away so he can try her on for size again and then decide which he likes better. I don't think you can be any more disrespectful to someone you supposedly 'love'. This guy's a piece of ****. He's basically saying: "You know... I REALLY like you, but I still like her too, can you wait right here while I go **** her to see if I like her more?" I hope to GOD that you are strong enough to end this thing, because this situation is about as ridiculous as they come. You're not a toy, and you're not a whore at his beck and call. He's acting like he's 16 and still in high school. You can do better, and you being jobless has absolutely nothing to do with that fact. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 I agree with everyone else here. What he's asking of you is incredibly insulting and hurtful. Don't wait around to be 'chosen', make the choice to leave him with his crack-whore and go with dignity and self respect. A jackass like him doesn't deserve someone like you. Link to post Share on other sites
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