moimeme Posted December 20, 2003 Share Posted December 20, 2003 The way I see it is this: it is fine to be all principled and 'tough love'ish and the like, but in all this mess is one poor innocent child. So ought all the adults around this little kid cling to principle even if the kid suffers? This unskilled young guy was about to babysit a child for the first time. Thank god somebody was going to be there to keep an eye on him. It's like telling him his behavior of cheating and getting another woman pregnant is OK. I think the fact that he now has eighteen years' worth of responsibilities facing him has probably put the kibosh on any such possibility. you're still putting yourself out there to be used You could say that about any situation in which somebody needs help. The person in need of help is not always, nor even frequently, a user no more than the person offering help is being used. Sometimes this can happen, but IMHO people have gotten way too worried about others 'using' them, to the point where kindness isn't as well-thought-of as it should be. BlockHead said: You can’t do that for him. Only he can make himself a better person. Yes but that doesn't happen by magic. The guy needs good examples to follow. He hasn't had many in his past. Link to post Share on other sites
Skittles Posted December 20, 2003 Share Posted December 20, 2003 CostumeSmile, enjoy the baby... Link to post Share on other sites
ramble on rose Posted December 21, 2003 Share Posted December 21, 2003 Moimeme you are right in many ways. This can only be CostumeSmile's decision, of course. If she feels strongly about being there for him and feels she can detach herself then more power to her. I am just speaking from experience, where I have put myself out there on a limb for the people who did me wrong time and time again, and the only thing I got in return was the useless and worthless feeling of martyrdom. Examples: the time I was married, with a toddler and also pregnant, and my then-husband "disappears" leaving me with a mortgage, a business and no money. I saw him through alcohol and drug rehab, fought the lawsuits from the business and worked 12 hours a day until he was able to come home and go back to work. I was never apologized to was expected to "carry on" as usual. He didn't learn a damn thing from it, and I ended up divorcing him 3 years later. Or the fantastic ex boyfriend who asked me to put down his beloved dog of 11 years because he couldn't do it, and while this animal died in my arms he was on the phone sobbing to the girl he was cheating on me with. Forgiveness? Yeah I forgive 'em - but each time I did something out of the goodness of my heart, I got it stabbed tenfold. There has to be a line drawn! Nowadays, I forgive, try to let go asap...and allow myself to be hurt not one second more. Though forgiveness and caring are not obligated to be returned...I don't believe for a second that this guy has all of a sudden changed for the better just because he has a child! He hasn't learned one lesson at all because he has not suffered consequences nor faced his flaws. I don't view a child as a consequence, of course. As long as he is carried through his responsibilities by a loving and caring person, he isn't going to magically become an upstanding human being and "see the light". CostumeSmile, go with your heart, but the minute you start questioning your intentions, or his....take a step back and be honest with yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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