Never knew touch was so important!!!

[CARL45]

I don't want to rant on here, but I have an observation about my life. I am a 24 year old man senior in college and have never dated in my life. This isn't going to be a rant where I lay all my problems on you, no this is more of something that has been illuminated to me. I have always tried to figure out why that is the case and I have discovered two things. First off I didn't have confidence to approach women. I literally just couldn't talk to women, just scared stiff. I fixed this by smiling at passing women. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. I would never done this, now its not such a big thing anymore. I mean I still have problems, but its improving. While I discovered that I also found that I missed one important thing to trying to have a romantic relationship with a woman, touch! I had a fear of touching women partly out of not wanting to seem weird and more out of my social conditioning. I found this out with a female friend of mine who I just lightly touch on the shoulder. Now we touch each other all the time ( nothing inappropriately she has a boyfriend). A few years I would have never done this because I though I might look like a freak to this woman. I mean its no big thing to here and I realize I sound like an perv. I find this fascinating and I was just wondering if anyone had the same experience as I have had?

[Leonard]

I've had a similar experience to you, except it worked in the opposite way.

 

I used to be very 'touchy feely' with girl friends I had. Whenever I'd greet them they'd open up their arms and give me a huge hug. There was one in particular who has a sizeable set of breasts and I think she knew I could feel them when she grabbed me that way. I told her that once and she just laughed at me.

 

Anyway other girls began to pick up on that after seeing me with my other friends and how they'd greet me, and they ended up doing the same to me, even though I never offered them one. Sometimes I won't return a hug just to see what happens when they grab me and I often get asked 'what's wrong?' and I'll apologise and pretend that it slipped my mind.

 

I began to scale things down a bit, after my best friend began doing more things than simple hugging. We were touching each other in places that wasn't appropriate in a platonic relationship, for instance having my hand in her back pocket and feeling up her ass.

It got to the point where we were making out in cinemas regularly and we ended up in a mutual friend's bedroom. I decided that things have gone too far and I didn't want to escalate anything further, out of respect of our mutual friend (since we were in his bedroom) and because I valued her more as a friend than a sex object.

To cut a long story short, I've hooked her up with someone else and we are still best friends. I'm quite glad too, since we don't have any awkwardness from that experience and we always find time to spend with each other.

 

Nowadays I don't touch women as much because I think it gives out the wrong messages. I usually reserve them for the ones whom I am already hugging, or for people I consider very close to me.

 

I guess where you're going is good on your part, just telling my story since you asked for anyone with.... 'similar' experiences.

[LonelyGuy85]

I totally understand. Touch is something that i find hard to cope with but at the same time it's also something that i find hard to overlook. I am not used to touching on the arm or whatever. I also find it slightly weird when touching a girl, like i am invading her privacy. My problem is that i have always been the shy, quiet person and it's only recently that i have moved passed that, but now my lack of social experience makes it awkward for me, but i am also unsure of the appropriate actions to take as a friend or as in flirtinh. I can totally empathise with you.