Baby mama drama! His kids or happiness!!

[lovely aries]

My bf of a year had three kids three bm. he has custody of oldest and we are working on custody of second. now the third was just what it is. him and her where just friends (with benefits) and she out of all the girls he slept with got prego. he explained to her that he wasn't ready for a relationship and he would take care of not only the child she has by some other dead beat but the one she is carrying. she settle for that. time passed, he has to go overseas, she volunteer to watch his oldest daughter while he was gone AS A FRIEND WOULD DO FROM THE HEART. ..

 

let me back up, now i can say this girl has been there for quit a few sad events in his past life and paid the way for some other things...ok fast forward so now time has past him and i meet again rewind we've known each other for years i just always blew him off..fast forward so now years later we are older now we decided hey lets give it a chance. i knew he had two kids before so on our first date i found out about this third one to come. months past we become very committed and i tell him i don't do bm drama and this is why i don't date guys with kids..he explains this is my friend we have an understanding it won't be that way. so time passes on he telling her as a friend i found the woman of my dreams im gonna marry and the bm flips ...

 

she wants to know why have she done all these things for him and watch his child while he was gone for him to come back after having his baby to not be with her..she wanted him to marry her after all she did. he explain that she wasn't' the one. so as the drama unfolds she become worst and worst trying to get back with him all the way to using the kids need i say kids one his and one hers but him being the man he is he will do for both plus the two other kids he already have. now i was ok with him going to see them when we return from overseas. i didn't go with him because i figured it wasn't the right time. But its strange when i go visit him she never ask for him to come visit but when im not around which is most of the time because we are four states over from each other she called for him to come visit the kids. i never have a problem he goes see his kids and spends the night over his friends. we are in a long distance relationship i have to trust him or we have nothing but as he leaves her house and drives to his friends house which is 45 min away we are on the phone until we both falls asleep. each morning im who he calls that's our thing.

 

so now she's overseas and the kids are with her mom ..lets go back did i feel to mention his mom, sister and brothers don't' think im right for his "situation" because i don't' have kids and i wont' allow this girl to just want to do things with him and never me...ok fast forward so now we argue all the time because his family says he's wrong he owe her more so they don't' like me nor acknowledge me and the fact that i hate that he don't set boundaries with them or this bm. She constantly got his mom Praying for us to break up. now they say when she gets back he will turn his back on his kids because of the fact that i don't agree with them going on cruises, taking family photos, amusement parks, any family event without me. hell he proposed, we are to get married. but we won't get married until she returns and her and I meet. so he told her that i was fine with meeting her, of course she said "no i don't want to be in the same room with the other woman u've slept with". . so she don't want to even try and she has his family full support.

 

Now she don't care how much he says i don't want you and i will never be with you..she don't care she's has always been and is ok with the fact that they was never together just as long as he don't settle down..basically she selfish..even his family is like they are ok that they aren't together they ok with her coming around they just don't want me changing the scene..so now they tell him he is gonna have to choose his kids over his happiness..see now his oldest two kids love me we talk and spend time together they call me tell me things they wouldn't tell him. i do things for them just as if they were mine. I try to do for the crazy bm kid or kids but you know she always got something to say. but this heffa sends him surprise gifts that i can't afford and thinks it kool then he says " oh i didn't know she was sending it"..but she do more for him than the kids.

 

i got to school events, buy clothes, feed them, the works all while flying back and forth from four states over....but the third bm don't want me to see her kid or kids she just don't want to try nothing she wants him. yes i don't want him doing family things with just her and the kids if she don't want me around..im not just some chick he with im the woman who's he's chosen to marry. So i got feed with her and his family saying things about me and the no kids thing..so i said if God intended for me to lay on my back and have babies by every tom, dick and harry then i'd did that..but i also made a choice in my life not be a bm so why are they haten on me..i love him and with him comes his kids and i love them all too. u can't accept a man and not his kids..hell I have 6 siblings and any woman gets with my dad has to get with us as well all 7..they keep saying i won't accept his reality she isn't his reality her being there and not me is not his reality maybe she was ok with that when she was just the friend with benefits but me im not that woman. his kids are his reality! SO AM I FREAKING WRONG FOR HOW I FEEL AND DO I NEED TO STAND MY GROUND WITH HER OR LET HIM GO AND THEN HE WILL BE MISERABLE...this man has taken me home to meet his whole family his kids everyone that is important to him i have met..how does she feel she fits in..she's had his child and she hasn't met his second daughter let alone anyone outside of his mother and brother and sister. everyone says " girl we have never heard him talk about a woman like he talks about you" so i know he really loves me and wants to be with me.

 

ps. ive tried to break up with him even when i really didn't just so he wouldn't have to be put in a position to choose..i love his kids too so i rather exclude myself. i even got really mad about a $500 pool table she brought "gift" which hurt my pride because i couldn't afford to get it for him. but he refuse to let me leave him because of them or over a pool table. He says he know God sent me for him. if he didn't have this ONE bm things would be like a fairytale..he is amazing a very amazing man..he loves his family especially him mom he's a southern boy with lots of southern respect and values. He treats me great aside from not knowing how to handle this drama and not letting her run him with these kids..she says " she may have you but i have your mom" what type of ish is that?

 

pps..need i say she try to make this a race thing..like why you with her she black i thought u didn't' like black girls (she's Mexican) well he's black does it really matter!! NO, hell if i had a white man i wouldn't give a darn if a black man had a problem..TOUGH BREAK!!! but i love my black man!

[Rollercoasterr]

Honestly, I couldn't get past the third paragraph.

 

But in any event, I'm sorry you're going through this.

[SuburbanOblivion]

Truthfully? A man with 3 kids by three different women? I couldn't run away fast enough.

 

You stay your life will never be anything but drama, ever.

[SuburbanOblivion]

PS- Men with 'virtues' and 'values' know things like 'wear condoms' and 'don't accept $500 gifts from people you aren't in relationships with'.

 

Sorry, but this guy is not good for you.

[Lucky_One]

You can buy a pool table for $500??

 

I had a very hard time reading your post, and I would have to agree to stay away from any man who has three children by three different women.

 

What is a "heffa"?

[Gypsy_Soul]

I'm just curious as to why you would still pursue/continue a relationship with a man whom fathered 3 children with 3 different women? He told you this on your first date?

 

Especially when you said youself, that you choose not to have kids by anyone yet you chose a man who has decided to have kids by any Tami, Debbie, and Jane, so-to-speak.

 

Dump him, he will only cause you more problems. I'd want better for myself personally.

[bittersweet memories]

Girl, this guy has 3 kids with 3 different woman. You should of listened to your gut feeling before you began a relaionship with him.

 

This guy needs to put his foot down and he hasn't . He "wants" this woman in his life more than just being his babies mother. She even has a relationship with his family and you say they don't like you. She's obviously controlling/running the situation because HE ALLOWS IT. And she's not even married to him. What does that tell you?

 

I believe there is alot more to this story. Alot more going on with this baby's mother that he isn't telling you.

 

You sound like a great girl, why him? 3 CHILDREN 3 different woman. You can do sooo much better.

 

Soooo many "Red Flags" ...think hard before you marry this guy.

Edited December 25, 2009 by bittersweet memories