New Member - Separation / Second Chance?

[Fitness Dude]

CG - She didn't want to see an MC, because she (and I quote)...."didn't want a stranger telling her how she's supposed to feel". Obviously, you and I know, that isn't what an MC would do - BUT, that's how she viewed it and I couldn't change her mind about it.

 

She came from a divorced family - and I feel like so many of her friends already had divorces too. I just don't get that, at all. I mean how people think so little about the CHOICE of being married. Love is a choice, it's not always a feeling, and people don't understand that.

 

I find it so frustrating that no one seems to be happy with the one they chose to be with. So what, you get a divorce, marry again to someone you are in "love" with, then the same feelings of "too comfortable" set in, and the cycle continues. I'll never understand that, ever.

 

Love changes over time. In those initial stages, it's so rosy and perfect but in evolves into something a lot more meaningful when you really enjoy each other's companionship. I admit, the passion in our relationship had waned a bit, but that's to be expected and could have been gotten back with very little effort.

 

Anyway, I'm happy that you and your H are working on it. That's what is supposed to happen, I only wish I could say the same for me and my W. It's been getting better but I still have frequent and painful waves of grieving that creep up on my when I least expect it. Unrequieted love is the hardest thing I've ever had to endure.

 

I'll need to be the Evil Kenevil of emotions with the next week leading up to Christmas. I only hope I can hold it together on Cmas Eve, and Cmas Day. I fear those two days like no other right now.

[arielove]

What happens to love when trust has broken,I just wonder.

Its so sad after all these promises dreams and hopes,all you have is experience.

Where to keep all these memories,so many of it.

[CanadianGirl76]

. He is not begging me to come home. Txting all the time, calling emailing. I don't know if I can go back to him. I don't know if after all the hurt I can look at him the same.

 

 

 

I was just rereading this - It shoudl have said - HE IS NOW begging me to come home...

[imagine]

She came from a divorced family - and I feel like so many of her friends already had divorces too. I just don't get that, at all. I mean how people think so little about the CHOICE of being married. Love is a choice, it's not always a feeling, and people don't understand that.

 

Love changes over time. In those initial stages, it's so rosy and perfect but in evolves into something a lot more meaningful when you really enjoy each other's companionship. I admit, the passion in our relationship had waned a bit, but that's to be expected and could have been gotten back with very little effort.

 

 

Hear hear!

 

Sometimes we gents need a forceful push to tell us our wives are unhappy.

[citygal16]

It's funny (well, funny sad, not funny ha-ha) that it seems that everyone is writing a lot more with the anticipation of Christmas....a holiday that usually is filled with fun and joy takes on a whole new meaning when things are falling apart at home. One of my favorite Tolstoy quotes is "Every happy family is alike, every unhappy family is unhappy in their own way."

 

FD--

I am in TOTAL agreement with you regarding the whole "comfort setting in" on any relationship...because that's one of the biggest reasons why I am fighting so hard to keep my marriage together... because I feel like my H would go through all this crap to break up, ruin my life as I know it and then he's going to get into another relationship and deal with the same crap from someone else! Relationships change and grow and so does the love...you can't stop that from happening, unless you get yourself a new partner every 3 years or so. But again, considering the side of this that we both find ourselves on, we don't really have a choice, as we can't (and shouldn't) have to convince our partners to want to be with us.

 

But regardless, we must make the best of the holiday...I hope you'll be spending it with close family and friends who understand what you're going through... I'm going to be stuck in the French Alps with the in-laws for 2 weeks, so that should be interesting. Again, TRYING to make the best of it, but I can't get it out of my head that when we return in January, I could be coming back to the same old crap from 2009....he loves me, he loves me not...

 

And FD, if the emotions creep up...listen to this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtiXiYMS86U

Always makes me smile

[Fitness Dude]

CityGal - I hope you survived the French Alps with your in laws and I hope you have a good holiday with your husband. Here's to you two finding some solace in each other's company and that he realizes how much the relationship means to ALL of you (other family members as well).

 

I'm so hopeful that someone from this pit of despair that is called the "Separation / Divorce" section of this website, makes good on their marriage vows and comes out with a positive resolution that WE could find solace in.

 

The next few days will be very difficult for so many of us who are still in the depths of grieving over our losses. Life is so cruel sometimes.

[comj49]

Wow, I have been reading alot of similiar stories of mine, but yours is a mirror image, right down to the Homebrewing!! I went through the exact same thing, almost at the exact same time. My wife decided to seperate a couple weeks before thanksgiving, and I went throught the same emotions. We never fought, or argued during our marriage, mainly because i tended to give in if she wanted something really bad. Our marriage of 9 years was typical, it got routine. You do the same old thing, every day, and unless someone speaks up, it stays that way. I also feel guilty that it took her leaving for me to realize the signs were all right there, if only i would have acted sooner.

 

The one thing I am realizing though, is that this is HER decision. I have already admitted my mistakes, and am willing to work on those. SHE is the one that is taking the easy way out. SHE is the one wanting to date, not me. SHE has shut me out because she realized having other guys hit on her excites her. SHE wants to be single.

 

I have a strong feeling your wife is in the similiar situation. She is on the fence because she is talking to other men, and it excites her. She likes the fact that she can do whatever she wants, and she doesn't want to give that up. The timing of her texting this guy says everything. She was more willing to work on the marriage when she didn't have any other option. Now that she has someone that is interested, she has shut you out. I am going through the same thing. My wife was giving at least a half-hearted effort until she went away for a weekend with a friend. Since then, it has been lights out. There is no talking about our marriage, only excuses of why it won't work if we get back together, and that she isn't "ready yet" and the she still needs "her space". That all translates into, "I am single again, it feels good, and I don't want to give it up". It's all me, me, me, me!!

 

I know there are differences of opinion on how much to push her, but I have taken the route of making her decide, NOW. I told her she can't be single and be married. Dating other people will not help our situation, it will only hurt our chances, and if she wants to keep living the single life, I am fine with that, but I will start the divorce. I will not wait around while she dates other people, possible leading to sex(which she has openly said she wants the option). I have too much respect for myself to let her do that to me. I know this may push her into divorce before she is ready, but I don't see any other option. If I wait, the person that may or may not come back to me will be someone I can't trust anymore, and someone that has turned their back on our marriage after I have done everything I could to work things out. It just won't work in my eyes. I wish you the best, keep doing what you are doing. I too didn't realize how far I would come in such a short time. I am OK with the divorce if it happens, and that has helped alot!

 

PS. I will be making a christmas day Homebrew since my wife and kids won't be home!! That is one thing I truly like to do by myself without interuption, so Merry Christmas to me!!