kickintheaz Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 so, my soap opera continues... 8 days full NC, was not overly difficult since my life is pretty packed now and i've a great set of friends.. anyway, work night out on friday, well sure inhibitions out the window, Of COURSE my ex wants a 3am drunk call from me. Since nothing else has worked (and I've done it all since october) then THIS will definitely bring her running back into my arms... fast forward to saturday, Oh JEBUS moment.. ah well, I vaguely recall some of the conversation, she still 'confused' over what she wants but I must move on.. I guess I got all my paranoid ramblings off my chest cos the txt on my phone from her alluded to me calling her a liar, she doesn't want her stuff back so bin it (WHY am I holding it since march?) and she'd prefer if I didn't call to her door that day or anyday... well, thats clear as crystal, pick myself up and go meet friends who nearly kick me in the head for my stupidity! saturday evening, hangover gone, I txt apology, since I got flashbacks of things I said.. hey, never let sleeping dogs lie, I don't want her to remember me as that mean spiteful individual, simple apology, sorry for calling you that and for getting my facts wrong. wish you all the best, take care.. I know, thats a school boy error, but its more for my validation that she don't hate me!!! (I can hear the collective LS groan there...) well, I got breadcrumbs back, a thank you, forget about the 3am call, she told me i'd not remember it at the time, a hope you're ok and then filled in on what she did that day! (WTF?) move on to today, feeling ok, sense of loss still there, but sure i've had that since april, its just been getting worse, then better, then worse.. I txt her today about something I saw in the paper she'd be interested in, (collective groan again I believe?!) yeah, maybe I wanted to 'test the water' as it were, or some other stupid reason.. txt conversation ensues an hour or 2 later, i know all her plans for the week and how she is doing with her cold.. left it with 'see ya'.. anyway, I'm just getting this all down on the screen so I can see what a MUPPET I'm making of myself.. she knows what I want (her, forever) and what I don't want (Her friendship), yeah we had issues in the past but she finds it hard to see past em, though she still wavering between gettin back and not.. 'time and space' are becoming her mantra.. there is no other guy at the moment, I know that, she's made it pretty clear. I know she is thinking of things, thats what she does. but i've given up trying to think of what she is thinking! she doesn't seem to realise what she is doing, though i've told her often enough that breadcrumbs won't feed me..and I know, its my bad for initiating conversations, she don't need to reply though if she doesn't want me in her life right? she is holding on for some reason, assuage her guilt? validate the fact she's right i not the one for her? or cos she wants to see the guy she fell for in the first place.. I'm giving up guessing here and now.. anyway, lesson learned, gonna disappear off her planet, she knows where i am if she has something substantial to say. few dates lined up for me the rest of the month already, one thing i've learned is that, the more rejections i have received, be they outright NO's or that wishy washy 'I'm not sure' type answer, the easier they are getting to deal with... I'm not quite round that corner yet that I've been standing at for a while, but I can occasionally peek round it and see whats down that road... weird huh? I am getting good at dealing with rejection and loss... ha ha.. that should do me well in life.. so I'm thinking of writing a book.. what ya think of the title??? "how to piss off the one you love, drive her away, reel her in, drive her away again, deal with multiple rejections, move on, move back, break every rule in the collective book, coping with tears, wondering what happiness feels like, how loss makes you stronger and how to go on a date whilst doing all of the above and not show it!!" bestseller methinks.. ramblings over.. if ya got this far, fair play.. and yes I got annoyed at me halfway through typing it!!! Link to post Share on other sites
almostpassedit Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 she has another guy. Link to post Share on other sites
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