kiki30 Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 so met a guy online, I sorta wondering if his lack of dating is a red flag, he's 33 and says he never had much time for dating, he hasn't date in 8 years. After the first conversation last monday - he asked me what i was doing for christmas "maybe we could se each other". Then he suggested that he call me back on friday - he did, and mentioned getting together again. I have been really sick so unable to make any plans...but as I think about it, what on earth could he have been doing for so much of his life that he never had a serious girlfriend, not even for a year, 6 months. I myself have had at least two relationships long term, the last 7 years, and i am not interested in teaching anyone the ropes.... what to think? Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 What is his background? Has he started an venture, got a PhD, more education, worked 7am to 7pm and traveled for work, etc... Those activities can crimp a guys dating life. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 Theres no reason to not give the guy a chance who is looking to take you seriously. It wouldnt hurt to try. Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 I myself have had at least two relationships long term, the last 7 years, and i am not interested in teaching anyone the ropes.... what to think? I think that line I high-lighted above pretty much says everything. You're not looking for a project and clearly, this guy is going to be one. Link to post Share on other sites
thegreatmoose Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 so met a guy online, I sorta wondering if his lack of dating is a red flag, he's 33 and says he never had much time for dating, he hasn't date in 8 years. After the first conversation last monday - he asked me what i was doing for christmas "maybe we could se each other". Then he suggested that he call me back on friday - he did, and mentioned getting together again. I have been really sick so unable to make any plans...but as I think about it, what on earth could he have been doing for so much of his life that he never had a serious girlfriend, not even for a year, 6 months. I myself have had at least two relationships long term, the last 7 years, and i am not interested in teaching anyone the ropes.... what to think? Why not give him a chance? See if you enjoy his company on a date. Why not worry about the present rather than his past? Posts like this are a major reason why so many people refuse to talk about their past early on. They have eitehr dated too much or not enough or who knows what and it is often completely irrelevant. If every woman sees that as a red flag, he will be in the same position at 43 and 53. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiki30 Posted December 14, 2009 Author Share Posted December 14, 2009 no phd, med degree or law or anything like that - 9-5 for the most part. He kinda gives me a cling on feel too, just a little, i don't think that there is much of a chance of it developing he just doesn't have have any experience - relationships are work, require developing skills. Not just about "liking" someone Link to post Share on other sites
thegreatmoose Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 I think that line I high-lighted above pretty much says everything. You're not looking for a project and clearly, this guy is going to be one. Why would he be any more a "project" than some other guy? I doubt he's been living in a cave for his 33 years. It's easy to make false assumptions based on incomplete information. If, on the other hand, someone has been with a lot of people, it's also easy to make different assumptions which may be false. Link to post Share on other sites
thegreatmoose Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 no phd, med degree or law or anything like that - 9-5 for the most part. He kinda gives me a cling on feel too, just a little, i don't think that there is much of a chance of it developing he just doesn't have have any experience - relationships are work, require developing skills. Not just about "liking" someone I'd think that anyone who is 33 knows that relationships are work. I'd think he would have friends that have been in plenty. If he does not know that relationship are work, it would be a red flag. How would you know without meeting him, or has he said something that implies this? Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 I'd probably wonder why a guy at his age hasn't dated anyone long term. I went on a date a few weeks ago with a guy who is 37 and never dated anyone for longer than a year and a half- it raised some questions for me. He was also a little over-eager, leading me to wonder if he gets attached quickly and then burns out quickly. Some guys just aren't wired for long term monogamy- some women aren't either. There is nothing wrong with that- but my line of thinking is that I don't want to chance getting involved with someone who will get bored and move on within a year. Link to post Share on other sites
thegreatmoose Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 I'd probably wonder why a guy at his age hasn't dated anyone long term. Why not ask then? This is why that I avoid questions about my past on first dates. People rush to judgment way too quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 no phd, med degree or law or anything like that - 9-5 for the most part. He kinda gives me a cling on feel too, just a little, i don't think that there is much of a chance of it developing he just doesn't have have any experience - relationships are work, require developing skills. Not just about "liking" someone I'll come to his defense. I remember being around his age, well younger, and didn't date much. I don't know to much about him but it is quite possible that he is more of an introvert and never ventured out. I focused on other things in life, career, education, living conditions; I focused on making me relationship material. The city he lives in and maybe his lifestyle has affected him. I've lived in such a city where it is much easier to dispose and move on instead of working on a relationship. So a 1 year relationship in that environment would be marriage material but most people would quit when they go down their check list and realize that the person is an 9 when they wanted a 10. Then when they are 33 or even 40, they wonder why they are not married or have kids. It is possible that he is working on himself to be relationship material and now caught your attention? I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. Link to post Share on other sites
Yukikazi Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 Or it could be that he was one of those overweight out of shape guys so never got any action due to his physical appearance and knew damn well that's why so never put himself out there.. but might have finally gotten himself together and gotten in shape and is trying to get into the dating scene. He could be a great guy that never got a chance as an out of shaper.. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 so met a guy online, I sorta wondering if his lack of dating is a red flag, he's 33 and says he never had much time for dating, he hasn't date in 8 years. After the first conversation last monday - he asked me what i was doing for christmas "maybe we could se each other". Then he suggested that he call me back on friday - he did, and mentioned getting together again. I have been really sick so unable to make any plans...but as I think about it, what on earth could he have been doing for so much of his life that he never had a serious girlfriend, not even for a year, 6 months. I myself have had at least two relationships long term, the last 7 years, and i am not interested in teaching anyone the ropes.... what to think? Check your source. I think most folks in their early 30's have some relationship experience... Link to post Share on other sites
thegreatmoose Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 The city he lives in and maybe his lifestyle has affected him. I've lived in such a city where it is much easier to dispose and move on instead of working on a relationship. So a 1 year relationship in that environment would be marriage material but most people would quit when they go down their check list and realize that the person is an 9 when they wanted a 10. Then when they are 33 or even 40, they wonder why they are not married or have kids. It is possible that he is working on himself to be relationship material and now caught your attention? I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. Or it could be that he was one of those overweight out of shape guys so never got any action due to his physical appearance and knew damn well that's why so never put himself out there.. but might have finally gotten himself together and gotten in shape and is trying to get into the dating scene. He could be a great guy that never got a chance as an out of shaper.. Any of this may or may not be true. However, if she says no just because of his inexperience, she will never know. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Cupcakes Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 I'm warning you - he's probably a virgin. Virgin guys at that late stage will come basically from just being in a woman's presence, from even just holding their hands. It takes a while to train them to get over their sexual dysfuntions. also, a lot of older male virgins are not satisfied by sex once they have it because they have used their hand and gotten exact stimulation from that for so long, with just the right tightness they want that the vagina is disappointing to them. Just warning you. I have a friend who is a 38 year old virgin guy and he totally told me all of this, he is seeing a sex counselor but still hasn't had sex. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 Any of this may or may not be true. However, if she says no just because of his inexperience, she will never know. She can grab him by his bollocks and she'll find out very quickly.:lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Hi.P.O'Crit Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 If he says he's never been in a serious relationship it probably means nothing monogamous. Just casual with no hope of a future. Lack of dating doesn't mean celibate/virgin. He kinda gives me a cling on feel too, just a little, i don't think that there is much of a chance of it developing he just doesn't have have any experience - relationships are work, require developing skills. Not just about "liking" someone Maybe he's just ready for something serious. Link to post Share on other sites
thegreatmoose Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 I'm warning you - he's probably a virgin. Virgin guys at that late stage will come basically from just being in a woman's presence, from even just holding their hands. It takes a while to train them to get over their sexual dysfuntions. also, a lot of older male virgins are not satisfied by sex once they have it because they have used their hand and gotten exact stimulation from that for so long, with just the right tightness they want that the vagina is disappointing to them. Just warning you. I have a friend who is a 38 year old virgin guy and he totally told me all of this, he is seeing a sex counselor but still hasn't had sex. Why should that be a warning? Is it a crime to be a virgin at 33 these days? That's a disgusting generalization to make about virgins. Just becuase one virgin is a certain way does not mean another virgin is the same way. I'm afraid this 33 year old virgin (assuming he is one) will be one at 53 if women refuse to get in relationships with him becuase of that. Oh, and I'd say the same thing if the sexes were reversed. Link to post Share on other sites
Yukikazi Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 I'm warning you - he's probably a virgin. Virgin guys at that late stage will come basically from just being in a woman's presence, from even just holding their hands. Yea.. sorry but no chick is that damn impressive.. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny M Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 I'm warning you - he's probably a virgin. Virgin guys at that late stage will come basically from just being in a woman's presence, from even just holding their hands. It takes a while to train them to get over their sexual dysfuntions. also, a lot of older male virgins are not satisfied by sex once they have it because they have used their hand and gotten exact stimulation from that for so long, with just the right tightness they want that the vagina is disappointing to them. Just warning you. I have a friend who is a 38 year old virgin guy and he totally told me all of this, he is seeing a sex counselor but still hasn't had sex. So your 38 year old virgin friend tells you that he doesn't find the tightness of the vagina satisfactory, even though he never actually had sex? Posts like this are the reason why I love LS Link to post Share on other sites
thegreatmoose Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 Yea.. sorry but no chick is that damn impressive.. Especially ones that bash 33 year old virgins. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Cupcakes Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 I'm not giving a kudos to myself but seriously, this guy comes just from sitting on the couch and watching a movie with me. He understands that we are just friends, but just being on the couch with me makes him have to get up and go to the restroom to clean up because he just ejaculated. Seriously. Read some sites about older virgins over 30. He sees a sex therapist and has been very open and honest with me. Link to post Share on other sites
InspiredbyYou Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 I myself have had at least two relationships long term, the last 7 years, and i am not interested in teaching anyone the ropes.... what to think? I'm sorry but what ropes? You mean you are not interested in falling in love with someone who you can share some good times with, make love to and have a strong friendship that could lead to more? I mean what are these ropes you are talking about? Spending time with someone new is like learning the whole dating process all over again, and someone who has dated a lot is not necessarily better at relationships they are probably more jaded and have higher unrealistic standards. If you are attracted to this guy I would DEFINITELY at least give him a chance, you could be sitting on a gold mine of a person. Link to post Share on other sites
thegreatmoose Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 I'm not giving a kudos to myself but seriously, this guy comes just from sitting on the couch and watching a movie with me. He understands that we are just friends, but just being on the couch with me makes him have to get up and go to the restroom to clean up because he just ejaculated. Seriously. Read some sites about older virgins over 30. He sees a sex therapist and has been very open and honest with me. He clearly has other issues. The behavior is NOT typical for a 30+ virgin and I've read plenty of sites about topics such as this one. Do you have a source other than one person that you know or do you just like to just assume crazy things about 30+ year old virgins? Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Cupcakes Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 I think hearing open honest viewpoints from a 38 year old virgin, as well as what his sex therapist offers, is not bashing, but I do have special insight. I mean the guy seriously has to get up and go to the bathroom just from sitting on the couch with me. Not saying this guy is this extreme, OP, but it would be a turnoff to me, also, to have to "train" a guy at this point. So we're talking training socially AND sexually, forget it. It would probably take several months just to get it so he could last more than 30 seconds in the sack. Link to post Share on other sites
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