soheartbroken Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 Yea! That's the way to go! But its a 'mother-trucker' Its not for the faint of hearted. You've got to do it without the drugs, the alcohol etc. You'll find the real you on the otherside of the mountain that you've got to climb! (Are you listening to what I'm saying SHB, LisaUK, Tojaz? MrMayI?) Yes, Gunny, I'm listening. You have so much hope for all of us, and I really appreciate it. Aksion, I'm so happy to be reading about all these developments. Keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
JaneDoe35 Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 Aksion - it is lovely to be thanked by you. I confess that I sat at my computer sending messages across the ocean willing you to find the courage to knock. And YOU found it!!! I can only imagine how hard it must have been to open up completely to your parents. And then going into work and telling them too!! You are truly amazing....so many people never find this strength to ask for help, but you have. You are right - you are not going to be 'better' overnight but at least there is now a chance you will be 'better' sometime in the future. It is good that you want to retain some independence while accepting help. Parents can go a little bit over the top sometimes, but just remind yourself that they do it all from love. I am only 35 but I am a mother of a nine year old and I expect I will 'mother' her till the day I die!!! I am also finding it difficult to do the whole 'finding out who I am without him' bit. I am going to wait until the new year before I tackle that one. My husband has no idea what he wants so I am a bit in limbo. No contact will really help you. It hurts but not as much as the alternative... You have done a great thing Aksion and I really admire you. Just one hour at a time, then one day at a time. JD Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aksion Posted December 29, 2009 Author Share Posted December 29, 2009 Well we got into it again last night. For some reason she just won't let me go completely. She kept texting me w/o replies from me with the usual from her. About how I'm the bad guy, blah blah blah. This went on for about an hour or so until I replied to her reminding her of what happened the last time she wouldn't leave me alone. This made her stop for a while and then he started to call me. I turned my phone off and went to sleep. This morning I got an e-mail from her telling me that she had "new separation papers" that she wanted to send me to sign. I declined in my reply telling her that she could wait until September (when she walked) to go and file for divorce and she could have me served then. Until then , leave me the he'll alone. She didn't like that and told me I was stupid and that I was going to sign her papers along with a bunch of insults. How the hell am I supposed to move on if she won't vacate my life completely? She pops up when she feels like it with all sorts of **** to try and make me feel bad again. I've blocked her from all social networking sites I'm on, I still haven't changed my number, but soon. It just amazes me how someone could completely flip personalities and turn into someone totally different than the person I knew and loved for so long. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 AK, sh edoes it because she needs to continually reassure herself that what she is doing is right and just. So she baits you into a fight so that she can see the negative side of you. The you trying to defend your position. Thats her exercising power over you. If you want to truly be free of her, change the rules. Don't fight don't defend, let her fly off the handle while you keep your cool. Shes not hearing your defense anyways, shes in it for the fight, so just give it to her. Like the guy in every action flick that just shakes off a punch, cool as ice! She says its all your fault, just say OK. She says your an a$$, just say OK. Let her run herself out of steam while you keep your sanity. Once shes done dumping on you, maybe you both can talk sanely but it all starts with one cool head and thats going to have to be yours. Dont show her those negative things, don't make it easier for her. Keeping your self in check will make her take a long hard look at herself. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aksion Posted December 30, 2009 Author Share Posted December 30, 2009 Thats the thing though. Outside of that once incident where I went ****in' berserk I haven't even given her the time of day. I've done everything possible to ignore her. I was talking to a friend earlier about the whole situation and she said it just seems like she is pissed off because she knows she no longer has me there to fall back on. That she's seen me trying to move on past her and it most likely ruined w/e it is she thought she could do so now she's trying to bring me back into 'check' so to speak. She lost that aspect of me a long time ago though. Honestly, the hardest part of all of this hasn't been losing her -- but trying to regain who I am, and take control of my life once again. I think she's finally starting to see that she ****ed up and is throwing mixed emotions at me left and right. I'm not taking the 'bait' anymore though Tojaz. I've made it through the holidays. I'm dealing with two different types of addictions that were brought on from this whole situation. Work doesn't go away -- nor do the bills. I don't want her in my life, as much as it pains me to say it, I just want her to go the **** away. I could sign these papers -- but with her being all wishy-washy anymore, I don't think its gonna do any good. I'm letting her suffer now. If she REALLY wants out, she'll wait until September and file then. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 I could sign these papers -- but with her being all wishy-washy anymore, I don't think its gonna do any good. I'm letting her suffer now. If she REALLY wants out, she'll wait until September and file then. Thats you playing her game though. If your willing to sign and you truly want her gone, then sign and wave bye bye. By "letting her suffer" thats a passive aggressive ploy at revenge. Thats her game and it sounds to me that she is damn good at it. If you want her gone, just sign and quit playing. If your not sure, thats cool, but take the opportunity to change the game. Shes trying real hard to get to you, and your letting her hurt you in the process. Trust me my man, every time you defend yourself or retaliate, your taking the bait. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
liftedcj7on44s Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 If she sent you the papers to sign, If they are legit and the both of you agree to what is on the papers then I suggest sign them. Move on with your life and dont speak to her anymore. Help yourself first. if she wants anything to do with you then she will let you know. If for some reason you cannot avoid talking to her and if she tries to bring up all the "bad times" or the You were mean blah blah blah to you then tell her fine then dont talk to me anymore. Every time she tries to get you down, Think of something that makes you happy, Do not get into an argument with her. Just laugh it off and carry on about your normal day. Its easier said then done. And I know exactly where you are. My 1st love is basically a WAW. I have been dealing with it all alone for 4 months. But i am starting to reconnect with old friends and Am finally moving on. Remember Karma- What goes around comes around! Link to post Share on other sites
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