Cranialrupture Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Interesting day today. Wife started texting me today about the divorce and so on. She asked why I was in such a hurry to file. I responded that I was not in a hurry, if I was I would have filed 3 months ago and asked her if there was any reason why I should wait. She couldn't answer that. So long story short she askes to come over to talk, I said that's fine. Needless to say, she is now where I was 3 months ago. Crying and pleading and going on about how much she loves me, all the good times we had, apologozing for everything, saying what she did was a mistake and so on. It hurt to see her in this state because I know all to well the pain and hurt that goes with it but I told her no, I was done. I cannot and will not go back. She left me twice, the first time 6 years ago she had an affair. I will not repeat my mistakes a third time!!!! This is for all those that want their ex back. Give it time, space and focus on YOURSELF!!! I am honestly happier without her and was able to say so to her face. Not to hurt her but just to be honest with myself and her. It was true honesty not just an emotionally driven comment. I feel bad for what she is going through now, because I have been there. But I will not interfere with the process or make it easier for her. Not because I am being mean but because I am so thankful for the pain that I went through and the growth that I have gained from it, I only wish to share that with her, so that she may grow to be a better person hopefully for herself and our kids. (even though she has to go through hell to get there) I hope that this will help some people out. I am not completely through with my journey (and I thank god every day for it) but I have grown and learned so much, that I would have never learned if she didn't leave, and have grown and growing into so much better of a person. I am no longer a doormat. I am an independant person, capable of living life to its fullest by myself while raising three kids and loving every minute of it. And women are flocking to me faster than I can shack em off. lol. I am not going after another long term relationship right now but it's awesome to know that my ex was and is not the only out there for me. I make myself happy, I don't need anyone else to do that for me!!! =) I am far from out of the woods myself, but I can see a brighter future more so now than ever. So to all of you starting out on this journey or have been on this journey, there is light at the end of tunnel, love yourself first, this is not the end but only the beginning. To my ex. - ty for leaving me, and god bless you on your journey.
2.50 a gallon Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I had the same experience. I found it to be harder than d-day. There was a part of me that wanted to let her come back. Them tears almost got to me, and she really was remorseful and devastated to what she had done to me, to her and to us. I think I might have caved, but when she started to come to me, the images in my mind of what she had done with him, made me want to wretch. That and I did not want to end up in your shoes a few years down the road with a repeat performance and by that time we would have had kids. Prepare yourself the roller coaster ride is not over, there are still many dark days to come, and she will try again and again, Lucky for me, she chose one of my up days, had she caught me an hour after I woke up on a bad day, I think I might have given in. I found the worst time was the first hour after waking up alone again. There were a few bad mornings, If I had had ner phone number, I might have called her.
curiou Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 You are a hero to many! What vindication. It feels great, doesn't it? Same thing happened to me years ago.
aeh Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Since my H's affair ended 6 months ago and then my revenge affair with an old boyfriend (no feelings for him but he was "convenient") and a STRONG STRONG desire to be single, I have been riding this rollercoaster of emotions. I was about to walk away, despite my husband's pleadings. I have been raging against my marriage. Well, I had pretty much come to the conclusion that I was done. Was prepared to launch life on my own. Went out one night and met Mr. Perfect (the guy of my dreams!). Was even more convinced I was done with my H. Raging at everything my H represented, wanted to be independent, wanted to be burning with lust for someone (lol), was consumed with thoughts of Mr Perfect. I made the mistake of meeting him for a drink and was even more enraptured by him. I came home and told my H, not really caring if he left me or we were over. Long story short, it was a long and hellacious night, one I never wish to repeat. I knew it was my M or Mr Perfect. I raged against the decision. I hated my H for what he had done to me and to our marriage. Screamed and cried in the shower, sobbed uncontrollably. Was wracked with pain for about a week. I had promised my H I wouldn't see Mr Perfect and I wanted MORE THAN ANYTHING to see Mr Perfect...I didn't see Mr Perfect. I told a trusted friend how I couldn't stop the rage, couldn't vent enough about this, the pain never dissipated. Then....the weirdest thing happened. Something clicked,it changed. I can't say that I am one hundred percent happy, but I came to accept literally over a long intimate dinner with my H, what had happened to our marriage. We had both hurt each other terribly. I had been almost 100 percent willing to walk away, to be single, and especially upon meeting someone who, still, appears to be Mr Perfect. But I am letting go of that desire. I have been following Ann09's threads with much interest as I can so relate, but with a few differences. I have been reading the separation board which has strangely helped me want to stay with my H. And reading the OP's post here about how his W came back to him, begging and pleading and how he had moved on was helpful too. Congrats to you. I know that I can get a lot of handsome men, but thinking about someone else having my H?? No way. That pulls me back every time.
GoodDad Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Woah.... Way to stay strong man. I guess no one knows what they will do in these circumstances unless tested and you know now even more what you truly want. GD
CBIIS1 Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I'm only hoping I get the opportunity to tell her to get lost. She has done the ugliest things to me and the kids. I met someone shortly after she left and she's been out for blood since. Strange, she leaves, tells me to get someone new,I do , and she freaks. I hope it hurts her as much if not more than it hurt me.
LisaUk Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I'm pleased you feel right with your decision, I can understand why, twice bitten. Well done for having the strength to turn her away. I am jeaslous you got that opportunity though, my ex will never come back, whether I want him to or not. Imagine how you would have felt if she hadn't come back the first time.
FeelingLonely98 Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 I'm pleased you feel right with your decision, I can understand why, twice bitten. Well done for having the strength to turn her away. I am jeaslous you got that opportunity though, my ex will never come back, whether I want him to or not. Imagine how you would have felt if she hadn't come back the first time. Yes, CR - I think Lisa is right. In a way you are fortunate she DID come back. You got to tell her what you did. Funny, I think I am FINALLY at the same point that if my STBXW came crawling back today I would NOW tell her what you did CR. A week ago I probably wouldn't have. Reading your post just makes ME that much stronger and more determined. I think I am like Lisa in that my W will never come back. I too am now meeting and interacting with women more than ever - I guess the confidence in some way is attractive. 3 dates so far - and the last one we really clicked - meeting again this weekend... It feels nice. (I like CR am not rushing into a LTR) CR - you are my hero today!!! To my STBXW: Thanks.
seibert253 Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Interesting day today. Wife started texting me today about the divorce and so on. She asked why I was in such a hurry to file. I responded that I was not in a hurry, if I was I would have filed 3 months ago and asked her if there was any reason why I should wait. She couldn't answer that. So long story short she askes to come over to talk, I said that's fine. Needless to say, she is now where I was 3 months ago. Crying and pleading and going on about how much she loves me, all the good times we had, apologozing for everything, saying what she did was a mistake and so on. It hurt to see her in this state because I know all to well the pain and hurt that goes with it but I told her no, I was done. I cannot and will not go back. She left me twice, the first time 6 years ago she had an affair. I will not repeat my mistakes a third time!!!! This is for all those that want their ex back. Give it time, space and focus on YOURSELF!!! I am honestly happier without her and was able to say so to her face. Not to hurt her but just to be honest with myself and her. It was true honesty not just an emotionally driven comment. I feel bad for what she is going through now, because I have been there. But I will not interfere with the process or make it easier for her. Not because I am being mean but because I am so thankful for the pain that I went through and the growth that I have gained from it, I only wish to share that with her, so that she may grow to be a better person hopefully for herself and our kids. (even though she has to go through hell to get there) I hope that this will help some people out. I am not completely through with my journey (and I thank god every day for it) but I have grown and learned so much, that I would have never learned if she didn't leave, and have grown and growing into so much better of a person. I am no longer a doormat. I am an independant person, capable of living life to its fullest by myself while raising three kids and loving every minute of it. And women are flocking to me faster than I can shack em off. lol. I am not going after another long term relationship right now but it's awesome to know that my ex was and is not the only out there for me. I make myself happy, I don't need anyone else to do that for me!!! =) I am far from out of the woods myself, but I can see a brighter future more so now than ever. So to all of you starting out on this journey or have been on this journey, there is light at the end of tunnel, love yourself first, this is not the end but only the beginning. To my ex. - ty for leaving me, and god bless you on your journey. You are my hero. Bravo my man.
WTFO Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 ..... I met someone shortly after she left and she's been out for blood since. Strange, she leaves, tells me to get someone new,I do , and she freaks. I hope it hurts her as much if not more than it hurt me. This is all to weird. I've been separated since April. I think the fog is finally lifting. The only thing its hot and cold w/her. I met a great girl, and I think the STBX just flirts enough to keep me around then drops the hammer and is back to the old Bi&ch. I hope she is out for blood. She makes more than I do..lol Part of me still loves her,but like my father said...Would you rather have tension, or Comfort??
Author Cranialrupture Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 Thx to all of you. I really do appreciate it. I didn't really want vindication or revenge. It happened to turn out that way but it was not something I was seeking. I don't know if it would be easier or not if she wanted to come back or not. I am not one that wishes pain on others, I do not wish my ex to have to go through what I went through, but at the same time, I am glad that she is (not because I want revenge) but because hopefully she can come out of it a better person for herself and our kids. But it still hurts to see what she is about to go through, just as it hurts to see everyone here go through it. I will never let her come back. I will continue to try and help others here on LS. Hopefully my experiences can help someone else. Good luck to you all.
FeelingLonely98 Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Thx to all of you. I really do appreciate it. I didn't really want vindication or revenge. It happened to turn out that way but it was not something I was seeking. I don't know if it would be easier or not if she wanted to come back or not. I am not one that wishes pain on others, I do not wish my ex to have to go through what I went through, but at the same time, I am glad that she is (not because I want revenge) but because hopefully she can come out of it a better person for herself and our kids. But it still hurts to see what she is about to go through, just as it hurts to see everyone here go through it. I will never let her come back. I will continue to try and help others here on LS. Hopefully my experiences can help someone else. Good luck to you all. You're a good guy CR. Glad you've found peace. If you're like me the only reason you would have posted this is to share where you are AND even more important to let other folks that went thru what you and I did know that YES, that light at the end of the tunnel is quite bright indeed.
trippi1432 Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Thx to all of you. I really do appreciate it. I didn't really want vindication or revenge. It happened to turn out that way but it was not something I was seeking. I don't know if it would be easier or not if she wanted to come back or not. I am not one that wishes pain on others, I do not wish my ex to have to go through what I went through, but at the same time, I am glad that she is (not because I want revenge) but because hopefully she can come out of it a better person for herself and our kids. But it still hurts to see what she is about to go through, just as it hurts to see everyone here go through it. I will never let her come back. I will continue to try and help others here on LS. Hopefully my experiences can help someone else. Good luck to you all. I was in a similar situation recently and can emphathize with you on this. My STBXH had a "soft place to fall" when he left the marriage and was looking for a "soft place to fall" when things hit a rocky road with the GF. Luckily, I didn't fall for it and set myself up for misery. Holding your ground is the best thing you can do for you and the kids. I have seen some really good things come of that lately with my kids and hopefully that is something my STBXH can see and learn from as he travels his own road.
FeelingLonely98 Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 I was in a similar situation recently and can emphathize with you on this. My STBXH had a "soft place to fall" when he left the marriage and was looking for a "soft place to fall" when things hit a rocky road with the GF. Luckily, I didn't fall for it and set myself up for misery. Holding your ground is the best thing you can do for you and the kids. I have seen some really good things come of that lately with my kids and hopefully that is something my STBXH can see and learn from as he travels his own road. I love this thread. My new favorite ... previous was Ann09's thread!
temple Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Cranialrupture: You truly are an inspiration. Thanks so much for the great post, you've proved yourself a strong person and I wish you all the happiness in life.
Author Cranialrupture Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 Cranialrupture: You truly are an inspiration. Thanks so much for the great post, you've proved yourself a strong person and I wish you all the happiness in life. TY Vindicated. cya LOL
Itried Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Good for you....she will undestand what she lost in the end. I am glad you stood firm. If it was the other way I am sure she would have no problems turning her back. It seems that men's genetic desire to protect and provide make it near impossible to not reach out and help or say yes.....I am glad you stood firm.
Steadfast Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 This is a happy ending for a betrayed spouse. Too few of these stories here, and even rarer it actually happening. Usually, it just doesn't happen. More common I think, is the behavior of my WAW; in one day, out the next and who knows in between. We've been divorced now for well over a year and apart for much longer than that, yet she still finds a reason to get in touch or stop by. All on her terms of course, but I could care less about her terms. My lovely girlfriend sends me romantic texts and stirs up tasty little meals; just for me. Why the hell would I want to go back to that? And I loved her. I truly, deeply and profoundly did. More than myself, honestly. But even love that strong can be killed -- starved to death-- and it's a painful thing to watch. To the cheating and selfish men and women reading this, be warned: be careful what you wish for; you may actually get it. But by then it's often too late. Like it is for Cranialrupture, FL 98 and me. I had been almost 100 percent willing to walk away, to be single, and especially upon meeting someone who, still, appears to be Mr Perfect. But I am letting go of that desire. I have been following Ann09's threads with much interest as I can so relate, but with a few differences. I have been reading the separation board which has strangely helped me want to stay with my H. And reading the OP's post here about how his W came back to him, begging and pleading and how he had moved on was helpful too. Congrats to you. I know that I can get a lot of handsome men, but thinking about someone else having my H?? No way. That pulls me back every time. Then romance and true love actually exists, and for some people hope springs eternal. No question this is the most inspiring post I've ever read here; not because it validates anything that I've said, but it shows what happens when people put aside their own selfishness before it's too late and -frankly-pull their heads out of their asses. You are a strong, wonderful woman and he is a lucky, lucky man. That's my Christmas present, right there. Good stuff here. Great news. 1
Author Cranialrupture Posted December 18, 2009 Author Posted December 18, 2009 Well I got the "I have been crying not stop for four days now and my emotions are all screwed up"..........I had to focus really hard on listening because I saw a shiny thing on the ground. I don't even remember how I responded exactly but it was something along the lines of a faint grunt, maybe it was just some gas, then asked if the kids were ready to go. Ahh you've been crying and all emotional?? Here's two zanax, and don't call me in the morning. lol
cyabye Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 Good for you. "C'mon kids let's go." I love it. All day strong. I know it still hurts but you got the power now. cya
Author Cranialrupture Posted December 18, 2009 Author Posted December 18, 2009 Good for you. "C'mon kids let's go." I love it. All day strong. I know it still hurts but you got the power now. cya I HAVE DAH POWER!! lol
Gunny376 Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 ****in "A" per says the Marine Corps! Get "Some!
comj49 Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 This post is a lifesaver for me right now. I just had a conversation yesterday with my wife who is leaving me for the "freedom" of a single person (after 9 years of marriage and 3 kids). It has been going on for a month and a half, and yesterday she confirmed that she is starting to date other people. I have been very supportive (doormat) until now, I told her yesterday that I will not sit by while she sees other people. She even wants the option of having sex with them. I was making my case as to why she should re-consider and give us a shot just one more time, but she stared at me the whole time, and said she "felt bad" for hurting me, but she is not changing her mind. We had to go together to our daughters Christmas party tonight, and afteward she left to go out, I am certain with another man. I know my day is coming when I post this exact story, so it is really helpful right now, it really gives me hope. I just hope the excrutiating pain I am feeling will somehow go away, soon. It is like nothing I have ever been through. Thank you for the uplifting post.
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