DKCS Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 I'm brand new to the forum so heres a little info about myself... I live in California, I'm 19 years old, I've never really been good with having girlfriends, just looking for some advice thanks... My Girlfriend, lets call her "sara", and I have been "together" for 6 months now, everything was perfect other than the fact that she now lives in North Carolina, But I didn't really care about the distance because I can really say I love her. We would talk all day with each other and fall asleep on the phone just about every night, everything was fine until a couple weeks ago when she started acting strange... She would often say her phone was died and forgot to charge it, I believe her 100% percent but it seemed like it happened too often, soon I would only get short answer texts from her saying she was busy which is understandable since its the last week of fall semester for her and she has finals to do. Now that finals are done with she said she would start talking more about our plan for my trip to see her for Christmas, well she convinced me to cancel the trip until her birthday in May, because she is having money issues, even though I was paying for everything. I've gotten 1 text from her in the last 2 days which was "I'm going with Nikki (her bestfriend) to see her sister so we can escape our families for awhile, I'll text you later"... I'm not really sure what to do seems like she doesn't want this to work out anymore. Can you guys give me some advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 Okay, it's rollercoasterr story time again! Everybody gather around! A few years ago one of my friends met a guy on the internet and she started talking to him. They got "together" and talked everyday for months. Meanwhile, her family didn't know about this guy, and I was her only friend that knew. He started talking about visiting her, and she, not wanting to be embarrassed by telling him that her family did not know about him and probably wouldn't approve of their teenage daughter meeting boys on the internet, she agreed. So they keep on with their happy relationship, talking about their visit and planning for things that they will do when it happens. Now when it got to be about a month away she panicked and starting making up a story about how she was having money problems, family problems, every kind of problem in the world so that he wouldn't be able to come visit her. So they pushed it off again. And again. And again. Finally he got fed up with it and broke up with her, at which point she decided to tell him the truth about everything. He was NOT a happy camper. Now I'm not saying that's what is going on here, I'm just telling a story. She may just be nervous about seeing you for the first time!! Link to post Share on other sites
Boundary Problem Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 Finally he got fed up with it and broke up with her, at which point she decided to tell him the truth about everything. He was NOT a happy camper. Now I'm not saying that's what is going on here, I'm just telling a story. She may just be nervous about seeing you for the first time!! It is natural for people to be afraid. There is a rapport with an online relationship. I think that generally people eventually meet in person. But like any experience, it probably would help to talk about the fears before meeting. It is just like any other problem. Communicate what the fears are to each other. If someone took forever and a day to come visit me, I probably would be inclined to think they are doing time in a federal penitentiary/jail and that would explain their lack of ability to travel. But that is just because I'm a cynic. I tend to insist on a photo RIGHT at the beginning of an online relationship and so I already know what to expect when they visit. Plus I have a photographic memory if it is a long-lost facebook friend type of situation. But I can easily see how people get overwhelmed at the transition from online relationship to in person relationship. But running away from the problem isn't the solution. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DKCS Posted December 14, 2009 Author Share Posted December 14, 2009 She doesn't live with her family anymore, her mother died when she was young and her dad was an a**hole, so she left to live with her Aunt. Her aunt is fine with me being there. canceling the trip because she is nervous now? would that really change by May when I'm "supposed" to be there for her birthday? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DKCS Posted December 14, 2009 Author Share Posted December 14, 2009 It is natural for people to be afraid. There is a rapport with an online relationship. I think that generally people eventually meet in person. But like any experience, it probably would help to talk about the fears before meeting. It is just like any other problem. Communicate what the fears are to each other. If someone took forever and a day to come visit me, I probably would be inclined to think they are doing time in a federal penitentiary/jail and that would explain their lack of ability to travel. But that is just because I'm a cynic. I tend to insist on a photo RIGHT at the beginning of an online relationship and so I already know what to expect when they visit. Plus I have a photographic memory if it is a long-lost facebook friend type of situation. But I can easily see how people get overwhelmed at the transition from online relationship to in person relationship. But running away from the problem isn't the solution. We know what we both look like if you thought we didn't, we send pictures back and forth now and again, recently she stopped because she said she doesn't like taking pictures... I found that also very strange Link to post Share on other sites
Boundary Problem Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 I really don't recommend a first meeting at a "big day" celebration, like a birthday. Waaaay too much pressure. Can't you guys Skype? Wouldn't that get over her nervousness? Women are usually copious photo-takers. I'm a little stumped as to why she has gone cold on you. The change in behaviour is the key to figuring this out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DKCS Posted December 14, 2009 Author Share Posted December 14, 2009 I really don't recommend a first meeting at a "big day" celebration, like a birthday. Waaaay too much pressure. Can't you guys Skype? Wouldn't that get over her nervousness? Women are usually copious photo-takers. I'm a little stumped as to why she has gone cold on you. The change in behaviour is the key to figuring this out. We've used skype before but stopped using it, we both gotta kinda bored with it I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 I think the photo thing is very weird. Of course, the cynic in me would immediately go to the place where I think that maybe she's using someone elses pictures she found online and has run out of them. Or that something has happened with her appearance. It's not about her family, dear. The moral of my story was that my friend never had any intentions on meeting this boy. She was essentially just toying with him. And that is very, very wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 If you've webcammed before, I suggest sightspeed. It allows you to see and hear each other just like skype does. Plus, it's better quality. However, I've got a feeling that maybe she doesn't have a webcam? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DKCS Posted December 14, 2009 Author Share Posted December 14, 2009 no, she has a webcam that was the main reason we used skype but like I said I guess we just got tired of that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DKCS Posted December 14, 2009 Author Share Posted December 14, 2009 Do you all think I should wait for her to talk to me or should I keep trying? Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 How in the world can you get tired of seeing the person you're supposed to love? You're in an LDR for crying out loud, seeing each other is supposed to be what you dream about every single night!! I'm at a loss. I can't understand getting tired of seeing your SO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DKCS Posted December 14, 2009 Author Share Posted December 14, 2009 How in the world can you get tired of seeing the person you're supposed to love? You're in an LDR for crying out loud, seeing each other is supposed to be what you dream about every single night!! I'm at a loss. I can't understand getting tired of seeing your SO. Sorry I didn't mention it before, the only time we usually used skype was around 12 o'clock at night for her, after work and after homework, she's was tired and enjoyed talking on the phone until she was close to falling asleep. Link to post Share on other sites
Boundary Problem Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 For a woman to go cold, usually there is another man. Or did you gross her out somehow? Did you guys have a 'big' conversation about something and then the photos stopped? I keep going back to the moment when she stopped using photos. And for a woman to get bored of Skype??? Women LOVE to talk and talk and talk. So.......if she isn't talking to you, who is she talking to? I guarantee you she is talking to someone. Women have a strong need for chit chat. We just do. Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 Exactly. We women love to talk. It doesn't matter what it's about. If she aint talking to you, she's talking to someone else. And regardless, there are couples here that go through much worse time differences, and then STILL love to skype. No matter what time it is. We do that for the people we love. My fiance and I are both very busy, yet we make time for the small things. We've webcammed until the wee hours of the morning when both of us had to work the next day. That's just not something you get tired of when you're in an LDR. As for pictures? We girls are notorious for having tons and tons of pictures. And even if she isn't taking them, I'm sure some of her friends ARE. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DKCS Posted December 14, 2009 Author Share Posted December 14, 2009 (edited) For a woman to go cold, usually there is another man. Or did you gross her out somehow? Did you guys have a 'big' conversation about something and then the photos stopped? I keep going back to the moment when she stopped using photos. And for a woman to get bored of Skype??? Women LOVE to talk and talk and talk. So.......if she isn't talking to you, who is she talking to? I guarantee you she is talking to someone. Women have a strong need for chit chat. We just do. No I didn't gross her out or anything the skype issue I guess I don't get it anymore, maybe shes not interested anymore? again should I wait for her to talk to me or should I try to talk to her? Edited December 14, 2009 by DKCS Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 Ask yourself this: Why should you try and talk to her? She's blowing you off. She obviously doesn't want to talk to you right now for whatever reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 I think she broke up with you. Too afraid to tell you. Likely met someone else.. Link to post Share on other sites
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