What's wrong with me?

[theophilia]

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I'm 19 years old, in my sophomore year of college and my major is Biology.

 

My problem is.. I can't seem to motivate myself.

 

I want to eventually go to medical school. I think I want to be a Pediatrician but I'm still deciding. This whole "doctor" business is something that I really want to do; my parents aren't forcing the issue down my throat. I mean, they hint that they want me to be a doctor, but for myself.. I really want it. I don't think there is anything more rewarding than knowing that you've helped someone out, in any way possible.

 

Last year was a waste, I wasn't prepared for all the work I had to do. I took required Chemistry courses and other core cirriculum stuff and I managed to get C's in everything. Those aren't medschool grades.

 

This year I'm not taking any courses that pertain to my Biology major. But that's because I thought I wanted to switch to Psychology then halfway through this semester I decided I didn't. So.. yeah. I'm basically just taking core cirriculum stuff to get it out of the way and so I don't feel like im wasting another year of college. But my grades are really bad.

 

I just.. don't care. I don't know why. I know that I have a lot at stake but I just can't bring myself to do anything to help my situation. I have homework that's due and I know it's due but I don't even start it. I can't write papers to save my life. I just can't put my opinions into words. I'm too afraid of being wrong. I'm too afraid of looking stupid. I don't have any enthusiasm for my classes. (I'm in a mediocre Bio class, an English class, a Spanish class, and a Psychology class) And out of all of the classes, the Biology one has sparked my interest but not to the full extent that it should. Honestly, I'll be surprised if I get anything about a C- in any of these classes.

 

I just can't seem to motivate myself to do anything. I know I want to do this. I know I'm capable of it. I don't mean to sound cocky but.. I really am smart. I can handle the work. I understand things easily. It's just.. why aren't I motivated enough to actually sit down and do work/study?

 

This is quite worrisome. It isn't just college. Most mornings I find myself dreading having to get up. I don't want to do ANYTHING except sleep or just stay in bed all day. I've gained some weight because I just can't bring myself to exercise. I find the most menial things really challenging, like organizing my room or just.. anything really. I really have to push myself to do all these simple things that other people do without giving it a second though.

 

Is there something wrong or am I just pure lazy?

 

I'm always putting things off and by the time I go to do them, it's either too overwhelming to do all in one sitting or it's too late (as in deadlines).

 

For the most part, my life is going pretty normal. Nothing bad has happened to me or my family. I have friends, especially friends I can confide in. I don't have a boyfriend but I have a love interest. My parents are overprotective but I've learned to live with that. They've loosened up a bit more now than I am older. And because I realize that my life is normal.. it makes me feel even worse that I'm acting this way. I know there are things going on with other people that are far worse. I feel ungrateful that I'm complaining about my problems when lots of people are less fortunate than myself. Also, I think about how much my parents have sacrificed to get me into a decent college and basically provide me with everything since I'm a college student and am going to be for a very long time. And I feel guilty that I can't show them my gratitude by being a great student. I know that my worth doesn't come from grades but.. I want them to know that I appreciate all they've done for me. And I can't even do that.

 

Okay, I'll end this for now. I'm sorry this was really confusing to read. I jumped from one thing to the next. Thank you for reading through this mess and giving me your opinions. xoxo

[moimeme]

There are several possible causes of your malaise. You need to get tested by a psychologist. Two things come immediately to mind; depression and/or AD/HD; both can be responsible for lack of motivation. Both can be treated successfully. You will be unlikely to be able to repair this on your own; please do go to your school's counselling service and ask them to help you out.

 

You can check this link to see if you have other symptoms of AD/HD (four percent of all adults have it):

 

http://www.amenclinic.com

[jenny]

i agree with above: eliminate any possible physical causes first!

 

if you do not have any of these imbalances, check at your school for motivational student seminars. i have never seen a campus that does not offer seminars helping students on: study habits, motivation, test-taking, in-class interaction, etc. it sounds lame, i know, but they helped *immensely* when i flagged down a bit as a student. i was in honours most of my student life, but i had a bad patch, and these <free> classes helped me get right back on track with renewed sassiness

 

they would have done nothing if i had any more serious ailments, so please check for other causes first.

[glasshammer]

Sorry Guys, But I disagree a bit. I don't think it's any chemical imbalances or psychological problems necessarily..

 

 

 

I say this because, I've gone thru it AND my girlfriend is suffering from it right now!

 

 

For my girlfriend(she's 24) it's all about her feeling that it's too overwhelming or too much pressure. Having to decide on a certain career, not sure if it's the right one, not being able to get motivated to go in a certain direction, because, well, what if that direction is the wrong one? So why waste my time and energy on something, if i'm not even sure if that is what i want to do.. She's changed her major twice. And she's smart too. I know she's intellegent. She has a great job that she excels at, but it's not a career. All her peers/friends/co-workers are all going to school, starting businesses, headed toward something.. She get's bummed about it and like Theo, doesn't want to do anything but sleep sometimes. When you're feeling bummed and lazy and all you want to do is sleep in, i don't think that qualifies as a chemical imbalance.

 

 

For Me? I knew what it was i wanted to do and had tons of drive and motivation, but a lot of that power would just fizzle out due to

not knowing if i should be going that direction with my life. I felt a lot of pressure to get a degree by my family. Accoridng to them, I had to go to college to get a degree to do anything worth a darn. But i started thinking about all the people i've met over the years like people in the music biz or even a guy I know who works at a career-oriented Gas Company and makes great $$ yet, he has a degree in ART. Go Figure.

 

 

ANyway, not sure if any of this helps. My only advice to myself and to others is to put your fears aside and try to do something that you enjoy.

Find whatever it is in your goal that is the main source of satisfaction to you and focus on making that your priority. Stay Motivated by not thinking about all the work you think you should be doing or that time is wasting or that your friends have their careers all planned out..

 

 

Watch "Say Anything" with John Cusack. It's a great movie and deals with a lot of these issues. Go out and rent it right NOW!! Go, Go.

[theophilia]

hey guys, thank you so much for all your advice! it has really helped a lot. i went to the counseling center at my school basically the moment i read your replies. ive set up an appointment to meet with someone but i dunno whats gonna happen. i felt better after i talked with the counsellor. so mebbe i just needed someone to talk to? i have a lot to deal with but it makes me feel better that im talking with someone whos an expert at dealing with stuff like that as opposed to just talking with a friend about it, tho talking with a friend does help! and.. i will definitely go out and rent that movie!! thank you again for all your replies. i really appreciate it. xoxo