Lets actually pick apart what the problem is with the dating market

[espec10001]

That's the unfortunate truth. You have to not care. Don't care in the slightest about the person, don't get emotionally invested. Only if you do that you won't get hurt. Also, a key thing for guys, is to really not bother dating until you have lots of options. Any particular rejection will hurt less if you KNOW you have other women you can date. If a woman is what you think is your only option, you will be desperate, and it will hurt when she loses interest. Don't date until you have lots of options.

 

A man with a lot of options is a man with a lot of $$$.

[betamanlet]

A man with a lot of options is a man with a lot of $$$.

 

 

Nope. I know guys who make $10/hr and live with their parents that have many options. Thing is that they're younger, age 22-24.. If they were my age, 34, things would be different. Being a "player" is encouraged by women, because you're more likely to be successful because you don't put all of your eggs in one basket. I will never go on a date again unless I know for a fact I have other women interested in me. That was my mistake in the past, and I will not repeat it.

[Jersey Shortie]

I don't understand why men get upset if a woman likes to know what you do for a living. No man here dates women for completely alutristic reasons and usually pick women based on how attractive he finds her. Which is no less shallow then women wanting to know what yuo do for a living.

[espec10001]

And I'm in the same boat. I don't date because I don't currently have many options. I'm saving up for my own house so I can claim ownership of it, and not have to split it with a chick. It's much easier to give her the boot if I own the house. But to save up for said house, I'm having to live with my parents for the time being, which makes dating impossible for me right now.

 

But hey, dating costs money too and I'm saving from that as well!

[sally4sara]

I don't understand why men get upset if a woman likes to know what you do for a living. No man here dates women for completely alutristic reasons and usually pick women based on how attractive he finds her. Which is no less shallow then women wanting to know what yuo do for a living.

 

Yeah, I'm finding it hard to believe that anyone who asks that question MUST only be thinking about money and NEVER just wants to know more about the person and their interests. Sometimes folks just ask questions to keep the conversation flowing, not just so they can get hints about financial standing.

Its the same as asking "whats your major".

[espec10001]

Nope. I know guys who make $10/hr and live with their parents that have many options. Thing is that they're younger, age 22-24.. If they were my age, 34, things would be different. Being a "player" is encouraged by women, because you're more likely to be successful because you don't put all of your eggs in one basket. I will never go on a date again unless I know for a fact I have other women interested in me. That was my mistake in the past, and I will not repeat it.

 

Yeah probably because they work or go to school with a lot of chicks. When you graduate college and get a professional job, the number of options drops significantly. That's why once your out in the real world the bottom line is $$$. Most places to meet new chicks you gotta spend $$$. I use my head, if things go south with a chick I don't want her to take ANYTHING from me, I will own the house and my livelihood and she won't get one red cent from me!

[betamanlet]

And I'm in the same boat. I don't date because I don't currently have many options. I'm saving up for my own house so I can claim ownership of it, and not have to split it with a chick. It's much easier to give her the boot if I own the house. But to save up for said house, I'm having to live with my parents for the time being, which makes dating impossible for me right now.

 

But hey, dating costs money too and I'm saving from that as well!

 

 

Another double standard. If a woman lives at home to save up to buy a home, not only will it not impact her dating life at all, it's considered smart. Meanwhile, a guy doing that will not be getting dates unless he's under 23 years old.

[espec10001]

Yeah, I'm finding it hard to believe that anyone who asks that question MUST only be thinking about money and NEVER just wants to know more about the person and their interests. Sometimes folks just ask questions to keep the conversation flowing, not just so they can get hints about financial standing.

Its the same as asking "whats your major".

 

Oh come on. The real world is all about the dollar. Ever heard that song C.R.E.A.M. by Wu Tang Clan (Cash Rules Everything Around Me)? The dollar speaks, it's why we go to work everyday, it's why we put up with bulls***. Any older guy knows if he wants an attractive lady who is out of college, he has to be making that paper.

[sally4sara]

Oh come on. The real world is all about the dollar. Ever heard that song C.R.E.A.M. by Wu Tang Clan (Cash Rules Everything Around Me)? The dollar speaks, it's why we go to work everyday, it's why we put up with bulls***. Any older guy knows if he wants an attractive lady who is out of college, he has to be making that paper.

 

My fiance was unemployed when we met and began dating. His only car was a non road safe 65 Ford Falcon.

For the first half of our relationship I made more than he.

Then we made the same for a year. For the last year and a half he has made more than I. We still have the Falcon.

He is the most amazing person I've ever met. My ex mother in law thinks he is dreamy too.

 

You don't know what you're talking about.

[betamanlet]

My fiance was unemployed when we met and began dating. His only car was a non road safe 65 Ford Falcon.

For the first half of our relationship I made more than he.

Then we made the same for a year. For the last year and a half he has made more than I. We still have the Falcon.

He is the most amazing person I've ever met. My ex mother in law thinks he is dreamy too.

 

You don't know what you're talking about.

 

 

I think what he probably left out was that women want either money, or a badboy.

[phineas]

I think it has to do with the region.

 

In my neck of the woods, Teachers & nurses do not need a man to make good money.

 

They make more than enough themselves.

My sister is a teacher.

Her BF does construction. He busts his ass & is useful around the house but he'll never make what she is making.

 

Most of my sisters friends are teachers. Most of their men are craftsmen, artists ect. Their good around the house but they don't make as much as them.

 

There are male teachers & nurses but their in the minority around here.

[carhill]

I think what he probably left out was that women want either money, or a badboy.

Preferably, both

[betamanlet]

I think it has to do with the region.

 

In my neck of the woods, Teachers & nurses do not need a man to make good money.

 

They make more than enough themselves.

My sister is a teacher.

Her BF does construction. He busts his ass & is useful around the house but he'll never make what she is making.

 

Most of my sisters friends are teachers. Most of their men are craftsmen, artists ect. Their good around the house but they don't make as much as them.

 

There are male teachers & nurses but their in the minority around here.

 

 

My friend is a male teacher in NYC public schools, and all of the female teachers are dating or married to very wealthy, Madison avenue types of guys.

[espec10001]

My fiance was unemployed when we met and began dating. His only car was a non road safe 65 Ford Falcon.

For the first half of our relationship I made more than he.

Then we made the same for a year. For the last year and a half he has made more than I. We still have the Falcon.

He is the most amazing person I've ever met. My ex mother in law thinks he is dreamy too.

 

You don't know what you're talking about.

 

Yeah, you "propped" him up. Happens all the time. I know how a woman can push a man to be better, but is it wise for a man to do this to please the woman?

 

Fact is, women will not date me because I live with my folks. I tell them right out, I live with my parents to save money, if you don't like it, tough. I've lived with roomates in apartments and I found it to be a waste of money. I could've been living with my parents the whole time saving for my own place, not having to rely on some dumbass for rent. In a perfect world if I wasn't stung and bitten so many times by women I would be a little more nice and sensitive and things like that.

[silic0ntoad]

I don't care when a woman asks me what I do for a living. I'll tell them flat out.

 

It's when they ask "So... how much money do you make?" that raises my eyebrows and red flags.

 

I am not ashamed of my income. But it's my income and not yours. Any girl I date is lucky if I buy her anything. Why?

1. I want to be appreciated for ME, not my wallet.

2. She can buy her own sh*t.

[phineas]

My friend is a male teacher in NYC public schools, and all of the female teachers are dating or married to very wealthy, Madison avenue types of guys.

 

Ok look at the location.

I'm in the Buffalo area.

The majority of jobs around here start at $10/hr

 

If someone is pulling down 40k their considered to have a good job.

75k you have money to buy toys & anything more you are on the Bills or Sabres. LOL!

[sally4sara]

Yeah, you "propped" him up. Happens all the time. I know how a woman can push a man to be better, but is it wise for a man to do this to please the woman?

 

Fact is, women will not date me because I live with my folks. I tell them right out, I live with my parents to save money, if you don't like it, tough. I've lived with roomates in apartments and I found it to be a waste of money. I could've been living with my parents the whole time saving for my own place, not having to rely on some dumbass for rent. In a perfect world if I wasn't stung and bitten so many times by women I would be a little more nice and sensitive and things like that.

 

I did not "prop" him up. There was no way I could have afforded to carry him financially.

I'm not sure what you mean by "wise for a man to do this to please the woman?". He had already chosen his direction when we had met. The area we lived in was economically depressed. Its not like he was happily unemployed.

Maybe women don't date you for other reasons? Both my partner and I have experienced bad relationships in the past (who hasn't?), but we didn't carry a chip on our shoulder about it.

[sumdude]

It's SO common where I live. I'm not materialistic, and don't care about what kind of job people have, but even making 100k as a lawyer, doesn't cut it here. You have to be the owner of a hotel chain or something. This town attracts personality disorder people like flies to you know what... The chick in that article has NPD.

 

I'm a D.C. area native. The trick is to find the locals in this town. They're not so full of themselves. I see people move here and suddenly they're important because they live here now.

[carhill]

"So... how much money do you make?"

 

'Why do you want to know?'

 

That's a response I learned as a child from reading 'Dear Abby'.

[betamanlet]

I'm a D.C. area native. The trick is to find the locals in this town. They're not so full of themselves. I see people move here and suddenly they're important because they live here now.

 

I'm a native as well. problem is, natives live in suburban areas, and are not single in most cases... I'd probably be happier moving a bit further out, as arlington is really snobby.. It's so funny how many cars you see here without Virginia plates on them..

[sally4sara]

I'm a D.C. area native. The trick is to find the locals in this town. They're not so full of themselves. I see people move here and suddenly they're important because they live here now.

 

I live there currently.

 

I find its the out of towners that are warmer while most of the affluent locals are useless.

[sally4sara]

'Why do you want to know?'

 

That's a response I learned as a child from reading 'Dear Abby'.

 

Yeah. "How much money do you make?" is a rude question, but it is not the same question as "so what do you do?".

[sumdude]

If my gf or wife cheated on me, tried to kill me or any other bad thing I would forgive and forget and wouldn't let that infect my mind for the next women.

 

Easier said than done. It takes time and work to rebuild the ability to trust.

[betamanlet]

Yeah. "How much money do you make?" is a rude question, but it is not the same question as "so what do you do?".

 

 

 

What do you do is designed to gauge status level. It's functionally the same as asking income level.

 

In DC, you get asked:

 

(1) what do you do?

 

(2) where are you from (assuming everyone is not a native)

 

(3) where did you go to grad school?

 

All, other than where from, about status. DC is a status town.

[sally4sara]

What do you do is designed to gauge status level. It's functionally the same as asking income level.

 

In DC, you get asked:

 

(1) what do you do?

 

(2) where are you from (assuming everyone is not a native)

 

(3) where did you go to grad school?

 

All, other than where from, about status. DC is a status town.

 

Like I said, I live there currently. If you're having trouble it is because you're choosing to and contributing to the flavor of your associations. When I was dating and asked "what do you do?", it wasn't just a question of their occupation. It is about their interests, hobbies, and occupation especially if they are lucky enough to have figured out how to make money from doing something they love. One of my friends went to school for photography specializing in animals. Now she it the head photographer at a zoo. I admire that about her, but it doesn't make me want to date her. It was just one of the topics we talked about when getting to know each other.

You are at least half of your problems in the dating world.