sally4sara Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 My comment was directed towards the "flavor of associations" line you used. It's accountability. I've dated girls of all types and at least one of every "type" I've dated has asked the money question. It really can't boil down to "flavor of associations" or "women you choose to date" honestly, because look at how many men here are having these issues. You're telling me, then, by implication, we (all men here) are all dating the same type of women? Shenanigans. As far as asking what I do, that's fair. I don't see that as gold digging at all. That can imply hobbies, what you do for work, or what you do on your downtime. It's a simple question. Let's face it; women are looking for a man that has wealth and power, or a percieved sense of security, at least more so today with the current economy and whatnot, than before. I do see what you're suggesting, but it might be fairer to say that the men who come to LS, come here because they, probably more than men who would not come here, are seeking answers to problems they keep running into over and over. My fiance, for example, has been burned in a couple relationships as well as burned a few girls himself - he knows about this site and thinks its atrocious and a complete waste of time. What is it about him that is different from they men of LS? He doesn't have a chip on his shoulder about the past wrongs done to him. Everyone gets a fair chance with him. He didn't assume every woman he met to be just like any others he might meet. He didn't think, when he was experiencing difficulties, that money or power would remedy those problems for him. He didn't blame those difficulties on women. He would never come on here asking for help like this because he has no reason to believe anyone on here could understand his mind enough to help him - further proof he does not think everyone is the same no matter what their gender is. He would turn to old friends who know him well enough to say what he might be doing that causes what he experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 - he knows about this site and thinks its atrocious and a complete waste of time. maybe he's not good with teh computer Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 maybe he's not good with teh computer He is in computer securities for law firms. I've never seen him stumped when it comes to teh puters or intarwebs. Do you know what it means to be a "goon"? He is one. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Invalidation was a great tool my stbx used to use. Didn't fly too well in MC. BTW, she thought this site was stupid too Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Invalidation was a great tool my stbx used to use. Didn't fly too well in MC. BTW, she thought this site was stupid too Don't get all sensitive on me carhill; I'M on here so I don't think its all that stupid. He is wonderful in a wonderful amount of ways, but he isn't the final word in what is cool. Link to post Share on other sites
gypsy_nicky Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 I do see what you're suggesting, but it might be fairer to say that the men who come to LS, come here because they, probably more than men who would not come here, are seeking answers to problems they keep running into over and over. My fiance, for example, has been burned in a couple relationships as well as burned a few girls himself - he knows about this site and thinks its atrocious and a complete waste of time. What is it about him that is different from they men of LS? He doesn't have a chip on his shoulder about the past wrongs done to him. Everyone gets a fair chance with him. He didn't assume every woman he met to be just like any others he might meet. He didn't think, when he was experiencing difficulties, that money or power would remedy those problems for him. He didn't blame those difficulties on women. He would never come on here asking for help like this because he has no reason to believe anyone on here could understand his mind enough to help him - further proof he does not think everyone is the same no matter what their gender is. He would turn to old friends who know him well enough to say what he might be doing that causes what he experiences. a very long paragraph describing how your bf is very similar to the men here only he turns to his friends for advice not to forum people. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 a very long paragraph describing how your bf is very similar to the men here only he turns to his friends for advice not to forum people. A very long paragraph about how he is not like the men in this thread or on this site. Its called English. Second language to you? It might help if you read what I quote prior to what I type. Notice the guy I quoted thinks its all about money and power to solve dating woes? Read the thread in its entirety. Notice many men thinking all their problems are women's fault? Notice many men thinking all women are alike? These were the things I said he doesn't do or think as an example to the person I quoted for why so many men on LS experience the same problems. Many men of LS say and think the same things about women and that is one of the reasons they might experience the same problems. They have chips on their shoulders. It keeps them from dating success. Another reason he listed for why he would never come on here is he sees how I struggle with other's poor reading comprehension. Its hard to discuss anything intelligently when people act willfully ignorant. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Don't get all sensitive on me carhill; I'M on here so I don't think its all that stupid. He is wonderful in a wonderful amount of ways, but he isn't the final word in what is cool. LOL, it's who I am, and I'm not through the divorce yet, so still have a few tender points. I'll watch it. IMO, what you're seeing here is how men support each other. It goes on in real life too but some of us like sharing further abroad than those in our immediate social circles. I'll bet, if you and your BF decide to get married and you suggested PMC, he'd likely say the same thing about a psychologist that he has offered up about 'the men of LS'. No worries. Lots of different paths. All are valid, regardless of what my stbx or your BF say Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 LOL, it's who I am, and I'm not through the divorce yet, so still have a few tender points. I'll watch it. IMO, what you're seeing here is how men support each other. It goes on in real life too but some of us like sharing further abroad than those in our immediate social circles. I'll bet, if you and your BF decide to get married and you suggested PMC, he'd likely say the same thing about a psychologist that he has offered up about 'the men of LS'. No worries. Lots of different paths. All are valid, regardless of what my stbx or your BF say We get married in 3 weeks. He respects psychologists and their profession. They are trained professionals and at the very least objective help in sorting things out. Many folks on here have had their perspective colored and use that coloring in their advise. He is not your stbx. Carhill, you may be experiencing some embitterment, but your ability to reason still resonates. You are a bright spot on this site even if your marriage has you temporarily dampened. I enjoy even your angsty posts. Link to post Share on other sites
rateyes Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 biggest problem i see is judgementalism before trying. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 biggest problem i see is judgementalism before trying. Yes, I can recall that when younger. Too much projection and not enough acceptance. Unreasonable expectations. All were inhibitions to successful dating, for myself. Link to post Share on other sites
muse08 Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Not Wog's but IIRC his exW cheated on him and tried to kill him and got some prison time for it. wow, are u serious? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 wow, are u serious? Some background Link to post Share on other sites
doushenka Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 I remember how simple and inexpensive that marriage license was to obtain. I'm thinking that a nice solid partnership agreement, similar to what we use in business, is much more suitable to such a sweeping array of rights and responsibilities as marriage entails I'm sure independent and solvent women all over will agree. It's time. I love equality Actually, I love this idea. Why burden someone else with my debts? I'm all for a more egalitarian system of legally-recognised partnership. Of course, I've long since acknowledged that the wedding industry exists mostly to brainwash otherwise intelligent women into spending piles of money on things that will never matter again. Maybe I'm weird. (...maybe?) Link to post Share on other sites
doushenka Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Ive dated 9's and 10's all my life i must be somehere near that level then I deserve them and they deserve me,people date peopel who are on theyre level of attratcivenes why would i come down and date a ugly or average guy just to maeke you feel better about yourselves? You! Out of my gender. You're making us look bad. Link to post Share on other sites
meerkat stew Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Actually, I love this idea. Why burden someone else with my debts? I'm all for a more egalitarian system of legally-recognised partnership. Of course, I've long since acknowledged that the wedding industry exists mostly to brainwash otherwise intelligent women into spending piles of money on things that will never matter again. Maybe I'm weird. (...maybe?) A malleable, shorter term marriage arrangement is a great idea. People live to darn long today for "til death do us part." IMO, there will be negotiated partnerships with the possibility of more than two parties, and all kinds of cafeteria selection type clauses sometime in this century. The state will bow out of marriage other than where children are concerned, and people will negotiate their arrangements privately and file lawsuits based on contract when there are disputes, rather than domestic statutes. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Ive dated 9's and 10's all my life i must be somehere near that level then I deserve them and they deserve me,people date peopel who are on theyre level of attratcivenes why would i come down and date a ugly or average guy just to maeke you feel better about yourselves? If youre only dating 9's and 10's (as you claim) then apparently you dont have to worry about settling for anything less. No one whos average needs to look/be hotter for you because youre already doing fine with the only 5% that youre attracted to. If your above everyone else, why would you feel the need to make proclamations about it? Why would you be complaining about the average joes that you dont look at? Link to post Share on other sites
betamanlet Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Men also have financial pressures that women don't have to face, in the dating market. http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1870066,00.html Link to post Share on other sites
silic0ntoad Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 @beta - Yes, I was asked a few times by women I went on a first date with the amount of money I make. Not what I do. Or where I work. How much I make. And it's happened more then once. I am from NJ, but 4-5 years ago, I NEVER got this question. As for having a chip on my shoulder, I don't. Everyone gets the benefit of the doubt. But it's not surprising to me when I get these questions from women. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 I think it is because women get more emotionally invested in people in general. Men can befriend the biggest douchabag known to man kind, go out for beers with him shoot the hay as if nothing, and go back to his life unscathed. Women invest a lot more in platonic relationships as a whole, we simply don't know how to do "casual beer" with someone we can't respect. I think you nailed it here. My ex (of course he turned out to be a douchebag himself ) had this friend who was a complete A-hole. Called his sweet girlfriend horrible names when he was trying to locate her via phone and couldn't (she happened to be at her girlfriend's house but he forgot). He would f people over all the time. I asked him once, "How can you even be friends with a guy like that?" His answer? "Well, he hasn't done anything to me." Of course, he eventually did. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Yeah, when I was 15, I worked fast food and made about 8k per year. 4 figures. I thought we were talking about adults here. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Ive dated 9's and 10's all my life i must be somehere near that level then I deserve them and they deserve me,people date peopel who are on theyre level of attratcivenes why would i come down and date a ugly or average guy just to maeke you feel better about yourselves? Am I off the mark here, or does this seem shallow to anyone else? Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 You! Out of my gender. You're making us look bad. I know, huh? I mean, I'm all about needing to be attracted to my man. However, an "average" looking man can become absolutely HOT in my eyes after I get to know him. If you don't give guys a chance unless they look like they belong on the cover of GQ, then I deem that shallow. JMO. Link to post Share on other sites
betamanlet Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 I know, huh? I mean, I'm all about needing to be attracted to my man. However, an "average" looking man can become absolutely HOT in my eyes after I get to know him. If you don't give guys a chance unless they look like they belong on the cover of GQ, then I deem that shallow. JMO. I believe she was also complaining that GQ "hot" men don't want serious relationships :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 I believe she was also complaining that GQ "hot" men don't want serious relationships :lol: But she only dates 9's or 10's? Are we using a new scale now? One that goes up to 20 perhaps? Link to post Share on other sites
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