Lets actually pick apart what the problem is with the dating market

[hollywood undead]

I don't understand why men get upset if a woman likes to know what you do for a living. No man here dates women for completely alutristic reasons and usually pick women based on how attractive he finds her. Which is no less shallow then women wanting to know what yuo do for a living.

 

That's so true. I also agree with you that there is a lot of hypocrisy when it comes to physical assessments. How many men on this board (and in general) complain about shallow, superficial women when they would only be willing to hook up with a model-type? Why is an overweight or "ugly" woman "inferior"? Are you inferior if you don't have 10 million dollars in the bank? How many of the men who post messages about money-hungry, superficial women would be willing to give the plain-Jane woman a second look. If a woman's ENTIRE value is the physical, then why is it wrong for her to judge you on the same superficial scale? If a man wants to judge a woman, why is it wrong when a woman judges a man? Is it wrong because now YOU are the one being judged?

 

Women are merely being as superficial to you as you are to them. Of course, this is not right, but you shouldn't whine about your poor selves when you do the same thing to us all the time, just in different forms. Men need to realize that they've created this monster. You need to stop feeding a culture that only judges women by their looks. Because as long as you look for t & a, women will look for wallets and bank accounts. Superficiality breeds superficiality.

 

I get the feeling that a lot of people here have never recovered from little Mary-Ann turning down their invitation to the homecoming prom. I know that it's easier to blame all of your shortcomings on other people, but if everyone you encounter leaves a bad taste in your mouth, maybe the problem is not the rest of the world, maybe it's you.

Edited January 2, 2010 by hollywood undead

[Woggle]

I know you all think it is men's fault fault for everything but despite popular opinion not all men want some inflated blow up doll. In fact they are a huge turnoff to me and the least attractive thing to me as a woman with breat implants and plastic surgery to the point that she barely looks human anymore. Most models out there are also ugly except for a few. The fact is that if you are successful man you have to watch out for golddiggers and many women do judge a man's worth on his money. Career women tend to be even worse and it becomes a constant battle to prove who can earn more. Thanks but no thanks.

[WhySoSerious]

That's so true. I also agree with you that there is a lot of hypocrisy when it comes to physical assessments. How many men on this board (and in general) complain about shallow, superficial women when they would only be willing to hook up with a model-type? Why is an overweight or "ugly" woman "inferior"? Are you inferior if you don't have 10 million dollars in the bank? How many of the men who post messages about money-hungry, superficial women would be willing to give the plain-Jane woman a second look. If a woman's ENTIRE value is the physical, then why is it wrong for her to judge you on the same superficial scale? If a man wants to judge a woman, why is it wrong when a woman judges a man? Is it wrong because now YOU are the one being judged?

 

Women are merely being as superficial to you as you are to them. Of course, this is not right, but you shouldn't whine about your poor selves when you do the same thing to us all the time, just in different forms. Men need to realize that they've created this monster. You need to stop feeding a culture that only judges women by their looks. Because as long as you look for t & a, women will look for wallets and bank accounts. Superficiality breeds superficiality.

 

I get the feeling that a lot of people here have never recovered from little Mary-Ann turning down their invitation to the homecoming prom. I know that it's easier to blame all of your shortcomings on other people, but if everyone you encounter leaves a bad taste in your mouth, maybe the problem is not the rest of the world, maybe it's you.

If women are the ones who will perpetuate the way it has been with men being shallow and superficial for whatever reason, which gender will it fall on to correct this problem in an-eye-for-an-eye world? If men cheat and women retaliate by cheating (never mind the gross general assumption that both genders do nothing but cheat), there is no solution and there will be none because no one wants to break the cycle. Superficiality will breed more just as mistrust, hatred, and basically every other kind of negative emotion under the sun caused by such things does the same. Anger begets anger, bitterness begets bitterness, and so on.

 

Instead what it will fall upon is individuals, both men and women, standing up and going against the flow of society's high divorce rates, cheating, and lies. The kind of people that used to be shining examples of a solid, loving, and trusting relationship rather than objects of mistrust and disgust by skeptics and cynics. But that will be a choice made by individuals in their relationships, deciding and working towards a stronger relationship with each other and finding the answers from each other and themselves instead of looking to society's misaligned and very malleable morals. The media in all its forms does nothing to help either, especially when the news related to such things that people see mostly is bad news.

 

Equally hypocritical could also be the criticisms of women embracing the same kind of culture that men are seen as being a part of. That is to say, the infidelity, the objectification, and unyielding mistrust of the opposite gender. WHICH gender does these things should be besides the point for anyone looking to find real equality. If it's not right for a man to do it, then why should it be acceptable for a women to simply because she's a woman and vise versa?

 

Again, it is up to individual men and individual women to decide in their own relationships, hopefully even both people in the same relationship, to work towards a better relationship, one that those two individuals want, rather than the train wreck everyone else thinks they should have, for whatever destructive reason.

 

To tie it in with the current focus of the topic and then turn the focus of this post to the OP, from the origins of Greece, Western culture has worshiped the fit physique, so it's not surprising that the descending cultures of today that Ancient Greek culture created continue to do the same, although at more exaggerated amounts today, particularly when it comes to sex and what's considered sexy, e.g. bone-thin is beautiful, back-breaking breast sizes are hot, a monstrously large penis is attractive. Hence why plastic surgery is an easy fix for many people to try and achieve such ends, but the end result is also that they lose their individuality in trying to get through the plastic factory of being "beautiful." Real beauty is all too easily lost in pursuit of superficial beauty.

 

Working for a goal is just too hard when you can pay someone to do it for you, after all. This applies to far more than just looks. The old adage of "reaping what one sows" comes to mind. If one doesn't talk to anyone, of course those people aren't going to talk to that person as well. The experiments of Albert Ellis are a good example. The problem in the dating market is you. Be it not looking in the right spots (do you REALLY expect to find someone to spend your life with in a nightclub or bar?), looking for the wrong things (that hot one-night stand you took home last night is not really the person you really should consider a relationship with), or just not trying (people aren't going to throw themselves at you, lazy ass).

 

In short, OP, the dating market is just fine. You just need to stop wondering about it in an online forum and actually try to meet people instead of making excuses. There are good people out there, despite what all too many posts here would lead one to believe, you just have to find them.