twinsin2 Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 Ok, so i have a bit of a dilemma which is probably obvious as i'm going out on a limb here and posting on the internet which is something i wouldn't usually do. My best friend of 8 years (i think) recently started dating a new girl who i had never met before he introduced her to me, at the start, i didn't think that we would be that great friends but it turns out that we love spending time with each other and do so often. The problem is that she's amazing and a lot of the time my friend is a **** to her. Often when we spend time together (me and her), my friend just totally ignores her and doesn't answer her texts or phone calls and does the same to me, sometimes he'll just blank her then if i text him 2 minutes later he'll reply to me. The other thing which really annoys me is that he only seems to hang out with her to have sex with her, i mean we went Christmas shopping together because he didn't want to go with her and often if she wants to watch a movie or something which he doesn't, i'll be the one she asks. There's other stuff as well but i guess you get the message, i like her and i don't think that my friend is treating her the way she deserves. The problem is pretty obvious, he's my best friend and i would never do anything to jeopardize that but at the same time, just the way he acts towards her really annoys me. The worst thing is though, she says that she loves him and no matter what he does, she always forgives him. I really have no idea what to do here guys and would take any advice you can give. Link to post Share on other sites
dazzle22 Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 Well, several levels operating here. The first big question I have is why is he your BEST friend and why is SHE so attatched if he is such a big jerk? Are you both sort of gluttons for punishment? Did you both grow up in homes where you were treated badly? There must be some reason you BOTH are so loyal to him...that would be the first question to ask to get to the bottom of this. Then the other facts are, if you steal her, he'll never be your friend again, but maybe it is worth it. But if you show your hand and she feels you betrayed him, then your name is mud. So tread carefully and sloooowly here... Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 This is definitely a situation that requires you to tread very carefully, like the previous poster said. There's a third possibity: If you try to warn her about him, she may suspect that you have designs on him yourself. Even if you don't, and your intentions are purely in her best interest, do you see how she might think that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author twinsin2 Posted December 15, 2009 Author Share Posted December 15, 2009 In response to dazzle, although my friend can be a twat sometimes, it only really got noticable recently. As for her, we do talk about how he ignores her and she gets really down about it and I do my best to comfort her. Just the other day, she said to me that when they're together everything seems fine so she thinks it would be stupid of her to bring it up. What am I supposed to say to that? As to another point, you seem to all think she is interested in me. I honestly don't know although we laugh about how when we're out and run into people they often mistake us for gf & bf and recently she asked me if I was interested in her. I said I wasn't though, do you think that was a mistake? Link to post Share on other sites
Miko Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 In response to dazzle, although my friend can be a twat sometimes, it only really got noticable recently. As for her, we do talk about how he ignores her and she gets really down about it and I do my best to comfort her. Just the other day, she said to me that when they're together everything seems fine so she thinks it would be stupid of her to bring it up. What am I supposed to say to that? As to another point, you seem to all think she is interested in me. I honestly don't know although we laugh about how when we're out and run into people they often mistake us for gf & bf and recently she asked me if I was interested in her. I said I wasn't though, do you think that was a mistake? She wants you now, you're screwed Link to post Share on other sites
Author twinsin2 Posted December 16, 2009 Author Share Posted December 16, 2009 So, today the same thing happened again. He was playing games and asked me to come over but i was in uni so i said i couldn't. A couple of minutes later, she phoned me and asked if i wanted to do something, so i said that he wasn't busy and that she should ask him. Later on she tells me that he said he was working, even though I knew for definite he wasn't. The worst part is though that she was over that night and we were watching a movie, and he came round later and she acts like nothing is wrong, as if earlier on in the day he blatantly didn't want to hang out with her. AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGG. It gets me so mad. Also on a side note, she asked me why i was so close to her when he wasn't there but then i wasn't when he was. What was i supposed to say to that? I told her that he'd think it was weird but i that just annoyed her. I'm getting close to just bursting out and telling her the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
lecasanova Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 I honestly think you should simply play the middle man and hlp them settle their issues instead of simply watching by the sidelines. go have. talk with ou best friend, and also with his girlfriend. help them seetheir problems and from there, secretly play the guy who fascilitates all the operations in getting them to understand each other. do try that and keep me updated on your situation yeah! also, if you need any relationship advice you can check out my blog too at lecasanova.wordpress.com .(: cheers! yours truly, le casanova Link to post Share on other sites
shunter Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 remember that saying: bros before hoes so you got to decide what you want to do here! if you are just the friends type of a guy, then just drop this girl and let her be. if you are sure you can have sex with her and a relationship you can make something happen. here is what you do. next time you get in a great intimate type of a moment just say "you know jane, i think i am falling for you and i am not sure us hanging out so much is really a good idea. i mean you are my best friend's girl and i shouldnt be having feelings like that" and then you are covered. either you get to have her for yourself now or you end this stupid relationship and the worst thing that happens is your friend gets a little pissed at you but you tell him straight up "man she's a great girl so you should be nice to her but i am not going to get involved like that because we are best friends" Link to post Share on other sites
thelostsoul89 Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 I think that you should talk to your best friend about why he is being suck a dick and lying to his girlfriend. It's obvious he doesnt care for her that much. On the other hand this girl seems like a weak person. If she is willing to put up with him ignoring her and being rude, she must have some relationship issues. Maybe the best thing for you to do is stop hanging out with her when your friend is not there. Link to post Share on other sites
Peaceful Guy Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 i think you should distance yourself from both of them. first, stop hanging out with "the girlfriend" (since i don't know her name..). second, tell your friend strait up what you think of how he's been acting.. ex. "treating girls like that is ****ing lame, why the hell are you acting like that?" he probably won't want to hear it.. and he'll probably blow you off. but then, its the friendly thing for you to do.. as weird as that may sound. sometimes the real friends are the ones that are willing to not go along with everything, and sometimes are even willing to leave.. at least i think so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author twinsin2 Posted December 30, 2009 Author Share Posted December 30, 2009 okay, so its a while since i posted and a lot has happened. Just a little note in here, for ease of use, i'm going to call my friend Bob and his girlfriend Lisa First of all, me and Lisa have been getting pretty close, ok so really close. We started talking about our feelings more and we said we both like each other. So then two days ago, me and her were out and then decided to get some alcohol on the way home, took it to my house and invited Bob up who couldn't drink as he was driving. Me and lisa were having a good time and bob was just sitting there being all quiet and not talking, so i started trying to get him involved in the conversation and such but he didn't seem to be having any of it. Then he just randomly said 'I'm gonna go' got up and left. Now at this point i should say that bob and lisa live about 30 seconds away from each other, and he just left without offering her a lift. So then she was stuck at my house in an awful mood and she walked home in the freezing cold, it was like -10 or something. I walked with her the whole way and about half way, i managed to get her smiling again at least. We talked more about us and stuff or well, i talked about why i like her and stuff really. But anyway Lisa and bob talked after and they seem to have made up again, funnily enough but bob said to her that he couldn't trust me with her alone and thats why he was pissed off. I mean, we've been friends for 8 years, no matter how i felt, i would never do something like that to him. I got really pissed off basically and now me and him aren't talking. Also Bob asked lisa if i liked her and she lied to him. Ok, i realise that was a lot of stuff and probably at the end i trailed off a bit. I just had to get some stuff out y'know? Link to post Share on other sites
New_Life08 Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 Sounds like he doesn't want you to be friends with his girlfriend. That just isn't cool when he has intimate feelings for both of you. Most friends of the opposite sex would NOT prefer spending so much alone time with their girl-friend rather than their girlfriend unless there was some emotional attachment... which BTW is unhealthy for all involved. The thing you need to do is back off completely. If you respect his gf and their relationship, it is not going to grow beyond what it is with you in the picture. He is obviously torn between you two. He cannot completely focus on his relationship with her while you are still a back-drop in his life. I don't know how far your relationship has went in the last 8 years or so, but it seems his attachment to you interferes with him emotionally. That is not fair to any other woman in his life....while she may fall in love with him, he will not fully return it while you are so involved in his life. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 I am guessing that Bob isn't stupid and he senses the attraction between you and his gf. Link to post Share on other sites
Author twinsin2 Posted February 3, 2010 Author Share Posted February 3, 2010 ok, i think i may have seriously ****ed up here. About 3 weeks ago, me and lisa were out with some of her friends in the pub. It was weird, the whole night basically, her friends were trying to get me and her to kiss. So, at one point we were outside trying to phone someone and we were like hugging up as it was really cold and there were some cheesy lines and basically we kissed. After the pub, she came back to mine and we started making out on my couch, we started dry humping and really going for it. We've kissed on 3 other occasions apart from that, and it's been mutual apart from the last time about a week ago where i'm pretty sure she kissed me but i still kissed her back. We've talked about it alot and have tried just not talking to/seeing each other but we lasted about 3 hours before she texted me saying she missed me too much. I mean, its not just like it was one kind of drunken night, i think we do have real feeling for each other but i mean, shes my best friends girlfriend. We both know its wrong but whenever we talk about it, we always end up saying we don't regret it. I know i shouldn't but i just can't stop thinking about her. I don't know if i should tell my friend, i realise i've made my own bed and have to lie in it but i guess i was just hoping there was a way to get out of this situation without losing them both Link to post Share on other sites
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