Author ssuzanness Posted January 18, 2010 Author Share Posted January 18, 2010 hi ..sorry i'm being needy, but i'm feeling sad. today he was textng me...but now he is saying that HE is the one leaving ME!! i told him that we were done...now he is like..."you play too many games, i can't deal with that, we are done..bye" ?? wtf???he says he wants to move on......hello, i'm the one that did the leaving not him!!...is this just another way of him f-ing with my head???? UGH!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 ...is this just another way of him f-ing with my head???? UGH!!! Yes. And see how well it's working? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ssuzanness Posted January 19, 2010 Author Share Posted January 19, 2010 UGH!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Did you respond to any of the messages he sent today? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ssuzanness Posted January 19, 2010 Author Share Posted January 19, 2010 guilty!!!!........i was just SO mad and upset that i couldn't control myself!!!....big mistake???? Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Well, it wasn't your best move of the year. Just learn from it and stop taking the bait. He's doing everything he can to get a rise out of you. When one tactic doesn't work, he goes for another one. Stop falling into the trap. Silence is his worst enemy. And it's so simple to execute - just stop talking to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ssuzanness Posted January 19, 2010 Author Share Posted January 19, 2010 thank you.....i keep trying...and learning...from all this....i appreciate all the help..i really do !!! Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Suzanne... Actually I think you might be safer this way............... allowing him to have the delusion that he dumped you. He'll think he's on top, and may not feel the need to turn the tables. With you dumping him, as is the reality that we know, he's more likely to keep harassing you. Let him think he won, he might go away. I've seen this work before................. Stay strong..............(and quit replying to him!!!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author ssuzanness Posted January 19, 2010 Author Share Posted January 19, 2010 i just dont want him to feel good...i want him to hurt as much as he's hurt me...i want him to regret treating me like he did....i just want him to be sad....like i am Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Suzanne............ how he feels is something you cannot control. The sad truth is that there people walking around on this planet who are incapable of feeling remorse.They have no empathy....... Therefore, they will never, ever, see themselves as accountable for the pain they cause others. He will never understand your pain. It's a bitter pill to swallow, and I understand your wanting him to feel the pain, the regret....... Your feelings are normal. His aren't, and you can't change that, no matter how much you want to......... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ssuzanness Posted January 19, 2010 Author Share Posted January 19, 2010 i hate this feeling! Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 i hate this feeling! Just remember that he knows that you hate this feeling and he's using that very thing against you - as he has in the past. He can anticipate your reaction and feelings before he even makes a move. He knows you better than you know yourself. He knows that he can control and manipulate you. He laughs everytime you cave in. If you knew how arrogant and smug he feels about this whole thing, it would make you wretch. Yes, it hurts but if you will just let yourself get through the feelings and get past this, you will wonder what ever made you stay with this guy and what you ever saw in him. I promise. I was SO in love with my ex. I thought I would always think of him as someone I love, and someone who was my friend. I hardly ever think of him now and I'm so happy he's out of my life, there are no words. After about 5 yrs, I can see how he contorted everything, how he controlled and manipulated me. He's a stranger to me now and I couldn't care less if he dropped off the face of the earth. I'm telling you this because you need to believe that there is light at the end of this tunnel. He is a manipulative jerk and he's the reason this relationship is where it is. He's the reason you're trying to run away. He's the reason you're hurting. And guess what? He knows all of this. He just pretends not to know so that he can continue to manipulate you. And if it makes you feel better, of course he's hurting. Wouldn't you if you lived in HIS skin? ha! ha! Everything he does is self-destructive. These men never win. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 (edited) Ahhh Suzanne you know exactly what you are doing! You do it all deliberately so you can keep him in your life. You are too scared to ignore him or change your number and keep it from him as you are too scared to lose him. As long as he is texting, even horrible texts, its some form of contact and its easier to bear than nothing at all What you really want is for it all to be ok, for the abuse to have never existed and for it all to be magically better. You are getting on and he could be your last ever hope, is that what you think? No one could love you like he could when he was nice, is that what you think? He was so lovely sometimes and that is the guy you want and maybe ONE DAY he will wake up and be that guy, is that what you think? I know all of this because I was you once! I knew when I was really over it when I really changed my numbers, really went and got a restraining order and really ignored him. One day you will wake up and smell the coffee but until then let the abuse continue! Oh and for the record, he will NEVER be sad like you and he will NEVER regret what he has done to you until you walk away for good and he realises he has lost his little victim. Then he will move onto the next one! He is ill and it will never change Edited January 19, 2010 by Lishy Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 i just dont want him to feel good...i want him to hurt as much as he's hurt me...i want him to regret treating me like he did....i just want him to be sad....like i am I would want him to be in pain, too. Simply because he's such a jerk. Just remember one key thing that I'll bet you already know about him - that he absolutely HATES to be ignored. Attention - positive or negative, it doesn't matter to him - is what he craves and must have. As long as you feed that monster, it'll keep begging for more. Being ignored makes him feel completly dismissed. I'm going to take a stab here and guess that he hated it when he even suspected that you were ignoring him when you were in the relationship with him. Is that correct? Usually, these guys don't want you to even have friends or to visit with your family. All of them try to isolate their spouse. Now think how much he hates it that he can't control where you go, who you see, or make you react to his taunting words. And when anger doesn't work, he'll start acting like he is so sorry and can't live without you. Just sit back and watch the show as to how he flip-flops from one tactic to another. Anything - I mean he will do anything - to get you back under his control. Being ignored completely and utterly pisses him off. That's why I say to ignore him - because it's like Chinese water torture to these men. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Ahhh Suzanne you know exactly what you are doing! You do it all deliberately so you can keep him in your life. You are too scared to ignore him or change your number and keep it from him as you are too scared to lose him. As long as he is texting, even horrible texts, its some form of contact and its easier to bear than nothing at all Totally agree. When she's done, she'll be done. She's not done yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 I have so been there Angel and no amount of people telling you helps, you have to realise it for yourself and one day you do. I feel so sorry for Ss, she is in a bad place and that man is vile Oh go to this site Ss ... it helped me so much! Look through all the letters and info http://www.drirene.com/victimpages.php You need to open your eyes and realise that you are better off doing without than making do! He does not love you, he loves himself Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Angel is absolutely right here............... If you want him to feel some form of pain, ignore him. any attention from you whatsoever only feeds the beast. and prolongs your pain......... The very best revenge you could have on him: ......is to be able to look at him someday , with utter indifference. To have him so far back in your rearview mirror, that he can never, ever, hope to push your buttons again. Lishy's right, too. Keep talking to those of us who have been there. There IS a light at the other end............you just have to find your way there. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 I have so been there Angel and no amount of people telling you helps, you have to realise it for yourself and one day you do. I know. I've been there, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 I know. I've been there, too. It is one situation I reckon we both wish we knew nothing about! Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 It is one situation I reckon we both wish we knew nothing about! Yeah, I don't enjoy rehashing or talking about it, either - but if it helps someone else bail out, then I'll do it. Otherwise, it's a closed subject for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ssuzanness Posted January 20, 2010 Author Share Posted January 20, 2010 wow.....you guys all know me so much better than i know myself!!! all you say is so true....the things i do ...the things he does....!! i'm so gracious to all of you for sharing these horrible expereinces with me....it really helps..it does....even when i make mistakes..and see him, talk to him, or text him...i hear all your voices in my head....which keeps me from him .....now all i have to do is totally stop...and i will....i know i will.... Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 You will be free of him one day Ss ... It took me 2 years to leave my abuser Link to post Share on other sites
Author ssuzanness Posted February 1, 2010 Author Share Posted February 1, 2010 hi everyone...just letting you all know i am hanging in there...reading all of your adivces and being strong!!....over the weekend got a few threatening texts....but also the i want to be your friend..i love you texts..in between... this morning at 7 am..he sent a text stating..i will not text or call you again...i have found someone new and it wouldn't be fair to them to text or call you. at first i felt sad when i read it.....but as the day goes on...i think ill be ok...therapy appt wed....thank goodness...in the meantime..what do you guys think...is he really with someone...i kind of doubt it..he is saying it to hurt me...? any input?..thanks so much Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 It's a 50/50 thing............. he may, in fact, have someone else already, as many of the abusing types of people need to have someone to abuse, so they can act out their drama. If that is the case, count yourself as very lucky that you may drop off his radar, although I can help but feel sorry for anyone else who gets involved with him................ Or , as you suggested, he may just being saying that in an attempt to further manipulate you, it's a fairly common tactic used by abusers. If that's the case, he's playing dirty pool.(big surprise there:rolleyes:). It's further evidence of him trying to shake you up.Don't let him!!!! most importantly, he can only play head games with you............. ..........if you respond..........as soon as you stop responding,entirely, (that includes even reading his texts). then the game is over. And you can then begin truly healing. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 hi everyone...just letting you all know i am hanging in there...reading all of your adivces and being strong!!....over the weekend got a few threatening texts....but also the i want to be your friend..i love you texts..in between... this morning at 7 am..he sent a text stating..i will not text or call you again...i have found someone new and it wouldn't be fair to them to text or call you. at first i felt sad when i read it.....but as the day goes on...i think ill be ok...therapy appt wed....thank goodness...in the meantime..what do you guys think...is he really with someone...i kind of doubt it..he is saying it to hurt me...? any input?..thanks so much What do you think after the threats, the 'i love you', the 'i want to be your friend', and then suddenly out of the clear blue sky, he's with someone new. Holy Lord! It's a freakin' miracle! In love with you one second, and onto someone else the next. Now, for the real truth, he's getting desperate and is trying every trick in the book to get a response out of you (and I really hope that you're not responding to any of these texts). He wants to make you feel exactly the way you felt when you read that text about him not ever contacting you again, and being with someone new. See how good he is at this? See how well he manipulates you? He knows exactly how you're going to feel before you even know what hit you. He's full of crap and someday you're going to realize that EVERY. SINGLE. THING. HE. DOES. IS. DESIGNED. TO. MANIPULATE. YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
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