Am I a rape victim?

[taabistan]

I went to my brother's house to hang out, but was met by my sister in law who invited me in. My brother wasn't there, but she asked that I stay and keep her company.

 

She offered me some soda (don't drink alchohol), and after a few minutes, I felt drowsy and lightheaded. I felt a loss of motor functions and when I tried to stand up, I stumbled as I couldn't maintain balance. My sister-in-law placed me back on the couch, and began touching me inappropriately. This proceeded to her having sex with me, with my pleas falling on deaf ears.

 

After I had regained my senses after a few hours, I went as fast as I could outside of there.

 

Unfortunately, this incident hasn't stopped affecting me. I've had night terrors coupled with sleep deprivation. I've been having extreme difficulty making eye contact and profusely apologizing to those around me. The hardest moments I have to endure are family events, where *she* is there. I've never felt more scared of being in the same room as someone as I have been with her. The situation becomes even more difficult because of her persistence in wishing to be near me and speak with me. She seems almost delighted by the dreaded look I have and in the few moments I glance up, I see she's smiling.

 

I'm not sure what I am to do, or understand exactly what happened to me. Was I raped? Can a man even be raped, or should I just suck it up? How does one even deal with something like this?

 

Along with the emotion of fear are the emotions of family concern and embarassment. I know any information being revealed will make an irreperable damage on my relationship with my brother and my family, which I would like to avoid. I'm also mulling over the stigma of being a rape victim, let alone a male victim. Will people actually believe me? Will I be characterized as being a coward?

 

I have no idea what to do, but I know I can no longer live life like this. Whether or not it's rape, I feel like a victim and want to get my previous life back.

 

What can I do?

[sugarmomma]

So you actually got erect enough to have sex even though you loss motor functioning?

Do you actually remember having sex with her?

 

Did you remember what happened after the sex?

 

I would confront her also.

 

I wonder what she gave you.

 

How old are you both?

 

Maybe you should talk to your brother about it. If she did this to you I would not let it go without telling someone and maybe that being your brother. He has a right to know. Yes men can be raped. Sorry that you were violated in this way and by a family member.

[taabistan]

I thought I would gloss over the more embarassing details, but yes, I was aroused. I didn't want it too, nor did I have any covert feelings for her, but it felt like my body was going through the flow.

 

I hated every minute of it, and sobbed (partly due to complete fear and partly in hopes of her stopping).

 

I can't explain or compare the experience of whatever drug she gave me except it felt very similiar to sleep paralysis. There was very little movement I could accomplish, including talking.

 

She is 29, whereas I'm 20.

 

I didn't have enough strength in me to tell anyone, so I forwarded a hypothetical to a friend of mine about men being raped. When he told me he thought the whole thing was bogus and no self-respecting man would not enjoy it, I felt devastated. Where is the source of this misery and fear coming from if it's (like he says) unnatural?

[sugarmomma]

I wouldn't listen to him. If you felt violated (and maybe enjoyed it a lil bit) you should still talk to her and your brother about it. She doesn't and couldn't possibly love your brother. What if it happens again? I hope you find someone that you can tell about this.

 

I really think he has a right to know. Wow. Its horrible that you had to go through this.

[lostsoulmate]

Please visit this site:

http://www.aest.org.uk/survivors/male/myths_about_male_rape.htm

 

It may help you with the feelings you are experiencing.

 

I am so sorry this has happened to you.

[dashing daisy]

I'm so so sorry that happened to you. What you described is horrible, and I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm not even sure what to tell you. I do believe you were raped. It's not your fault, even if your body responded. That (having an erection) can be a very physical response, it doesn't mean you wanted it or even enjoyed it. Also, who knows what she put in your drink.

 

I don't know if I would tell your brother. It's completely up to you. A lot of people don't believe that men can be raped (of course they can but it's kind of like how spousal rape wasn't accepted as rape until recently) so you might have to deal with a negative reaction. I absolutely do think you should talk to someone about this though. Is there any way you could find a counselor?

 

I would definitely say make sure you are never alone with her again, ever. It's awful enough that you have to see her at family functions. Again, I'm really sorry this happened to you.

 

We're all here to support you, I'm glad you had the courage to write what happened to you.

[taabistan]

To give you guys an update;

 

I decided to bite the bullet and tell my family about it. Due to a close relationship I have with my sisters, I confided to them first who were enraged and felt I should have reported it to the police immedietly. With them as support, I finally told my brother. His expression was silent but horrible to watch. I knew the news was too much for him to bear and he began accusing me of lying. When he realized I was dead honest, he began profusely apologizing for "bringing" her into my life. Which was absurd. It's almost saddening that we had to have something like this bring us closer together.

 

It was when we confronted 'her' that really makes me wonder about her state of mind. She didn't wince or even attempt to deny the act. She was genuinely unremorseful and jeered at me for being such a "fairy" to cry about it. To the very least, we have her out of our lives now.

 

My sisters are demanding I go with them to the authorities but I'm ambivalent about it. I don't want this to spiral into a larger legal conflict, but rather, put this all behind me. I still haven't made a final descision about what I myself would do. I have an appointment with a counsellor. I guess that's a start.

[sugarmomma]

Glad to hear that you were finally able to tell your family. Also nice to know that your brother didn't go into denial about it and she was able to be honest. I really wish you the best and I am so sorry this happened to you. Counseling is a good start. Good Luck.

[Simon Attwood]

If everything is as you say, then this woman is a psychopath. She did it for the sense of power and control it gave her. Her contempt for you was her response to you taking some of that power away by having the strength to speak out about it to your family.

 

She would not think twice about repeating this behaviour with somebody else, consider that fact carefully

 

Good luck with the counsellor

[ordinary_girl]

well done for talking to your family, especially your brother, about it. one of my exes was raped by a woman as well (he was even younger than you) and I know there is a lot of stigma attached to this. now he is able to talk about it openly and it didn't scar him. hopefully you will recover from this fully as well.

 

all the best