How do I play it from now till the next time?

[Kaizen]

I went to see her. I had not seen her in two years. We went all the way in about four days. Now I am back home about 4h away. She has everything I want (literally, I had a list with a few items that are very important to me and she checks off on every single one from great sex to love of family).

 

She just got out of a 6yr on and off but still loving relationship and she is still in contact with that ex. In fact he declared his love for her on one of the evenings I was there. I just got out of a 1.5yr. Her sister told her I am right for her as well and I believe it. We complement each other very well. Even when I got back we chatted on the phone for what was suppose to be a little while but turned into 1.5h.

 

I didn't talk to her yesterday or email her despite the fact that I was getting advice from all my friends on how to act from now on. They said play it cool. Call her whenever you feel like it and email/txt her whenever. She called yesterday night while I was sleeping. No msg. It is now the morning. Call her back?

 

How do I act from now until about 4 months from now when she comes to visit?

[TMichaels]

I went to see her. I had not seen her in two years... She has everything I want (literally, I had a list with a few items that are very important to me and she checks off on every single one from great sex to love of family)...

 

I didn't talk to her yesterday or email her despite the fact that I was getting advice from all my friends on how to act from now on. They said play it cool. Call her whenever you feel like it and email/txt her whenever. She called yesterday night while I was sleeping. No msg. It is now the morning. Call her back?

 

How do I act from now until about 4 months from now when she comes to visit?

 

Kaizen,

 

You say this woman has everything you want, so why in heck would you want "act" like you aren't interested and could care less?

 

My advice to you is to stop listening to your friends (whose advice is a puzzlement to me unless they: a) Are very young or immature, or b) Don't want you to develop a relationship with this woman for some reason).

 

If you truly want this woman in your life, quit trying to figure out what game to play and to just let the relationship unfold.

 

And, the sooner the better. You already know her ex has been sniffing around trying to rekindle their relationship. He's right there in her own backyard. You're not.

 

Your geographic disadvantage CAN be overcome, but don't make things worse by playing games and "distancing yourself" in ways that will look like "you're not interested."

 

So of course, call her back, you ninny! And, how should you act? Hmmm... How about being "real?"

 

I mean, seriously... Do you really think she's going to go through with visiting you in four months if you treat her like she's nothing more than an annoyance to you in the meantime?

 

Best,

TMichaels

Edited December 15, 2009 by TMichaels

[Kaizen]

Thank you for the advice TMichaels! I think what I don't want is to be needy or clingy and there is a very fine line. I sent her a hug this morning via her sister and she emailed me thanking me for it and then said she meant to tell me something via voice that she felt she could not type. "But it's not important."

 

So I will call her back after work today.

 

I will let it unfold. The unanswerable question I have is how often to call/email/txt to communicate to her that I miss her and not be afraid I will seem clingy. That is what my friends mean too. They want me to let it unfold naturally.

[Rollercoasterr]

What you aren't getting is that this "play it cool" bullcrap doesn't work for LDRs. In fact, it doesn't work ever. Period. It's annoying to girls and only makes the men THINK they're looking cool.

 

If you're in an LDR you have to COMMUNICATE. Texting/calling/IMing whenever you FEEL like it is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. If you really like this girl and want to pursue things further you need to talk to her.

 

Stop listening to your friends. LDRs are completely different in the communication department than normal relationships. You have to make up for what you're lacking, which means more communication.