PhoenixRise Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 I would be more worried about her coming to my work than my home (idiot told her my 1st name and where I work!) I have no problem facing her if she confronts me at home. He didn't tell her where I live, he said he didn't know. Not sure she believed him though! hopeless4u this is why I would act instead of wait to react. If you call her and initiate the conversation YOU will at least have some control over the circumstances. You decide the time and place. You will have a chance of setting the tone. If you wait for her..she might show up at your work (since you have avoided her phone calls). She might surprise you and show up at your home. I have to tell you when I discovered my H's affair all I had was an email from the OW. From that email I found out where she worked. From her work location I cross checked with our phone records and found her cell number..with her cell number and $40 found out Her full name, her billing address (which turned out to be home address), the name and address of possible relative living in her area, previous marriages, etc, I could have gotten a copy of her birth certificate. It wasn't hard and it took less than an hour. She can find you if she really wants to. AND if you let this MM spin his tale to her, if he finds himself backed into a corner, you will be the stalker, the obsessed woman who won't leave him alone. THEN when/if she contacts you it will get ugly. He won't protect your reputation at his own expense. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 I definitely agree with 2sunny. Take your power back by not getting a phone call at an hour that may not work for you. Call her. He's away lying to his mother right now. Take advantage of this, if you can. Trust me, the best time for a BW to speak with the OW is when their H is not home. The H being home only angers them, or distracts from the conversation. i agree, as it will catch her off guard to some extent and will not allow her to have prepared all the things she may need to ask... she will only ask what is at the forefront of her mind. that should be enough to let it all go and move forward without thinking about it any longer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopeless4u Posted December 15, 2009 Author Share Posted December 15, 2009 hopeless4u this is why I would act instead of wait to react. If you call her and initiate the conversation YOU will at least have some control over the circumstances. You decide the time and place. You will have a chance of setting the tone. If you wait for her..she might show up at your work (since you have avoided her phone calls). She might surprise you and show up at your home. I have to tell you when I discovered my H's affair all I had was an email from the OW. From that email I found out where she worked. From her work location I cross checked with our phone records and found her cell number..with her cell number and $40 found out Her full name, her billing address (which turned out to be home address), the name and address of possible relative living in her area, previous marriages, etc, I could have gotten a copy of her birth certificate. It wasn't hard and it took less than an hour. She can find you if she really wants to. AND if you let this MM spin his tale to her, if he finds himself backed into a corner, you will be the stalker, the obsessed woman who won't leave him alone. THEN when/if she contacts you it will get ugly. He won't protect your reputation at his own expense. This is my worst fear, she turns up at work. We have security so she could not get into my office but god...what if she did!! At home I can handle her. I would ring her now but I came home, sorted my home jobs out and had a shower, got jim jams on and opened a bottle of wine(been a long day!, don't usually drink in the week but..) so not best to talk to her now and xMM said she has took sleepers and gone to bed so me with a couple of glasses of wine and her high on sleeping pills...not good. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 At home I can handle her. I would ring her now but I came home, sorted my home jobs out and had a shower, got jim jams on and opened a bottle of wine(been a long day!, don't usually drink in the week but..) so not best to talk to her now and xMM said she has took sleepers and gone to bed so me with a couple of glasses of wine and her high on sleeping pills...not good. Poor woman is so stressed out by all of this, she is in bed for the evening already. As per my previous post, I definitely agree with Phoenix. Grab this bull by the horns and call her first. Because if she is sleeping on it....she's is gathering her strength for the coming storm. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 You already lied to her. When you hung up on her, you lied by omission. You nor the butt is going to do the right thing here are you? Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 I have to ask --- if this affair is "over", why in the world did you text him this morning to begin with? And why did you sign it xx He had to take his car the garage early and would then be in the office, so, as usual txt him this morning saying 'wakey, wakey there is work to be done!! x x' Why do you know his business if the affair is over? And why are you still talking to him? Shouldn't he be talking to his WIFE? Why are you enabling him still? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 ....HE WAS THE ONE THAT WAS MARRIED AND NOW YOU HAVE TO PUT UP WITH HER STALKING.....oh this makes me so mad... WTF? I am not even going to go there tonight due to my mood. I honestly think his wife isn't going to come after you, she just wants answers.. I think if you give her respect and let her know you have no problem answering her questions as long as she remains calm and civil. Out of respect, let her know that if voices rise and she gets too upset, then the time isn't right to talk .. If you are calm, keep her calm, then you two can and should have a talk that will go well. Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 I have to ask --- if this affair is "over", why in the world did you text him this morning to begin with? And why did you sign it xx Why do you know his business if the affair is over? And why are you still talking to him? Shouldn't he be talking to his WIFE? Why are you enabling him still? I was just typing in the same thing, then saw your post. I would also like to know this. If you really wanted her to know the truth, why didn't you call her back? When the wife of the guy I was cheating with called me, I was anxious to come clean and even met her face to face. Drove the 4 hrs to see her because I wanted it over and I wanted the evil to stop I think you're afaid to call her back because once you do, you know there is no going back? ! Maybe I'm wrong?! Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Hey P.S. I would be very careful....she wants to know where you live????? Why???? She has your #....be very alert as these things can turn out VERY violent if you catch my drift.....he will do what he needs to to save the M for whatever reason, and will eventually work WITH HER against you....turning the tables on you....personally I advise not to get involved at all, as this is his problem. I had ex MM's entire family come after me, threaten me, all kinds of stuff, try to get me fired....it was bad ...personally I was not afraid of them and they were lucky I was not vindictive as my family was not happy with them and what they tried to do to me (my family could fill 2 or 3 football stadiums with standing room only, and the majority of them are not afraid of jail). My family did not do anything to them because I asked them not to....but the fact remains that she may not be right in the head and he could have provoked her to acting crazy.....YOU DO NOT NEED THIS!!!!! :confused:Don't you think that's a little like closing the barn door after the livestock left? Too late.....she is involved. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 The A is over because DDay happened. Seems the A wasn't over (?) before his wife stumbled across that text message, the one with the xx on the end of it. So I go to work as usual this morning. Had lots of intense conversations with xMM over the weekend, nothing new there. Can I ask? You say you had intense conversations with xMM over the weekend.. So does this mean the A is over and you two just have not been able to do NC? Or he is xMM now that D_Day has occured. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 He's xMM because he supposedly was going to work on his marriage, so they supposedly weren't seeing each other. But he was at her house all the time doing all that DIY work in her kitchen and whatnot, and then he took her to the hospital last week, and then they had sex, and then I guess they had all the intense conversations over the weekend. So, yeah, it was supposed to be over and they were going to go NC after all the DIY work was done and the hospital visit was over...but, he got caught because no, it wasn't over. Not at all. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 He's xMM because he supposedly was going to work on his marriage, so they supposedly weren't seeing each other. But he was at her house all the time doing all that DIY work in her kitchen and whatnot, and then he took her to the hospital last week, and then they had sex, and then I guess they had all the intense conversations over the weekend. So, yeah, it was supposed to be over and they were going to go NC after all the DIY work was done and the hospital visit was over...but, he got caught because no, it wasn't over. Not at all. so he's not xMM at all. given ANY contact it seems OP isn't capable of being honest herself. he's never been XMM - he's basically her MM. if all the players would just be HONEST this wouldn't need to look nearly as messy as it looks... but hey, it will only get worse if all the lies continue. if i were the OP - i would want nothing better than to get away from the chaos as quickly and quietly as possible... after being honest - of course. never again to hear from MM again - and i would shudder if anyone even spoke his name. Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 The A is over because DDay happened. Seems the A wasn't over (?) before his wife stumbled across that text message, the one with the xx on the end of it. Can I ask? You say you had intense conversations with xMM over the weekend.. So does this mean the A is over and you two just have not been able to do NC? Or he is xMM now that D_Day has occured. No reply to this yet? I would like to know also Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 No reply to this yet? I would like to know also http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t213793/ Link to post Share on other sites
stephcerto Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 This is what I said to him, that its ok if I lie to her, even though that would hurt me so long as it helped his W and their M. I can see it for what it is, still all over the place though, when I do speak with his W I need to be 'with it' so to speak. I bet you had a lot of fun! I am in the process of having an affair too, dont want it to actually happen but my collegue and I are already texting each other and thinking of each other outside of work, i am the married one here and yes i have children which mean the world to me im at my wits end Link to post Share on other sites
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